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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in splitting the household bills???

88 replies

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 11:45

Hello all,

I'm a bit cafuddled. I know there's a lot of you on here who all put your money with your DH into one big pot but its not like that in our house as DH is not good with money so here goes:-

I get £2100
he gets £1500

I pay
mortgage £734
Gas& Elec £100
House Insurance £40
Shopping £320 (i try to stick to this budget)

he pays:-
council tax £80
Phone,tv,broadband £80
water £45
tv license £12

We both put petrol in our own cars and pay own own insurance and credit cards I provide the majority of childcare as I'm able to be more flexible.

I also buy all Christmas/Birthday presents and provide holiday money.

Is this fair??

OP posts:

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 12:28

The reason for me asking is that little things have started to annoy me, this never has but I have been starting to think that his ideas of a relationship are a bit archaic IYSWIM

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/09/2012 12:37

I'm impressed with people did the maths, if it were me, I'd be quoting those to him because they are quite telling.

It doesn't seem terribly fair and you don't seem terribly happy. How do you mean archaic, though?

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 12:45

RED - We try to split holiday costs but the scenario is always we both put in half the spending money and then it comes to the end of the month and he cant afford x,y,z so I give him money for these and it works out then that in actual fact I paid for the holiday. I also buy new towels and bought last week a new mattress for our DD and paid £97 for our other DD to have her rubella vaccination. His commuting and insurance costs are slightly lower than mine.

OP posts:

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 12:46

LRD - Housework and childcare fall to me x

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/09/2012 12:47

But fusty, he's also (apparently) quite happy to let you be the main breadwinner, which suggests to me his views are a bit cherry-picked. He's not just an old fuddy-duddy who thinks women should be in the home doing the cleaning (not that that is ok), he's just - sorry - lazy.

PavlovtheCat · 17/09/2012 12:49

it all sounds so complicated. we have it simply split and our income is quite different, i earn much more than dh in my job.

we put all our income, child benefit etc into one joint bank account. from this we put in x amount into another account for ALL bills, which comes out of that account. we give ourselves x amount, an equal sum for own personal use (varies from month to month depending on expenditure that month) and use the rest of the money to pay for fuel (one family car), food and day to day things, from the joint account which we both have equal access to.

We have no credit cards.

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 12:50

LRD - Dont be sorry, your views are very much appreciated x

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/09/2012 12:50

Hope you get things sorted.

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 12:53

I just remembered too that council, tax, water and tv license are paid for 10 months of the year

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 17/09/2012 12:53

oh and the Bills account, holiday etc goes into that account and stays there once bills are paid.

expatinscotland · 17/09/2012 12:55

Wow, he's doing well for himself. You are the main breadwinner, pay most of the bills AND do most of the childcare.

Bellyjaby · 17/09/2012 12:59

As others have said its not necessarily numbers and percentages that will be fair to you as a couple. Though your system as it stands doesn't feel fair to me.

I don't contribute anywhere near the amount to our household as OH or at least didn't when I wasn't earning much different to him (I'm currently living off redundancy and other savings at the moment to enable me to be a sahm for a while). We decided this so I could save money and contribute to the household for a longer time whilst I'd be off looking after DD who we were TTC at the time. The way we decided to split it to make it feel fair is we have budgetted out our "spends" money a month and we both have some extras (he has magazine subs, I have contact lenses - excitement!). After that everything else belongs to the household. if it doesn't go on bills it goes in savings. Savings are used for things like roofing emergencies/setting up for DD2/etc, but are mainly there in case something happens like I can't find a job quickly when I return to work or if we're both out of work etc. That's what feels fair to us.

bubby64 · 17/09/2012 13:00

We have a joint "household" account and our own accounts too, we both put a % of our pay into the joint and all household bill come out of that. If something extra comes up, we pay extra each into the joint account. Both are responsible for our own credit cards, car bills and any personal bits and pieces we want, all joint bills, childcare, house insurance, foos shopping, come out of the joint account.

mistlethrush · 17/09/2012 13:01

What puzzles me is if he's being asked to contribution to 'other' expenses and 'doesn't have the money' - what is he doing with it?

PavlovtheCat · 17/09/2012 13:03

we even have contact lenses from the joint account, and mobile phones. and yes technically as i earn more than him i should get more 'disposable income' if we want it to be exact financially. BUT, him earning less is only really due to the pay of his job, and he has been made redundant etc, he works as hard as I do in his job and we both care for our children as equally as our work allows us to.

I would not dream of wanting more expendable income than him, he is my equal, he mine. So, why should I have say £200 to his £100 when he works as hard to look after our family as I? regardless of his income. That would apply if i earnt double what I do now, i would split the difference with him equally.

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 13:03

mistlethrush - I have absolutely no idea x

OP posts:

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 13:05

Pavlov - That is lovely, but in the cold light of day I find myself realising my OH is nothing compared to yours x

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 17/09/2012 13:07

Have you asked him what he does with it? if not, perhaps you should, and if he gets narked about it being nothing to do with you or somesuch, you should point out that until you both contribute equally, you are entitled to know what he is spending the family income on.

bakingaddict · 17/09/2012 13:08

I dont think it's always necessary to have a joint account as a married couple as long as you divide up the mortgage/rent/bills etc in a fair manner. I like to think that it's my salary so goes into my own account, obviously works for me and my DH as we are both reasonably sensible with money but I can understand if somebody takes outright control of the finances due to problems with a partner overspending.

DH earns twice as much as me so pays the mortage/bills/TV/Internet, I pay for childcare/food/days out/restaurants/ holidays. Whatever's left in each of our respective accounts each month we can buy whatever we fancy

Original poster

fustyflaps · 17/09/2012 13:10

Pavlov - I have asked and he says it all goes on 'the family'. Little things are starting to really irritate me x

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/09/2012 13:13

His family as in his birth family, or you, him and the children?

Surely you would notice if he were spending that much on all of you?

Does he buy all the clothes/household stuff?

MrsMangoBiscuit · 17/09/2012 13:13

My DH is a fritterer, bless him. If he has £1000 left in his account after the bills have gone, he'll spend it by the end of the month and probably not remember what on. It used to get to the end of the month and I would be topping up the food bills because we'd somehow gone over, until I realised he was moving money out of the joint to cover a bill he'd forgotten. Now all the money gets pooled, everything gets paid, we both get "pocket money" and the rest gets saved. Everything is accounted for and we both find it fair. He is even pulling his weight with the housework and childcare. We are a very happy household at the moment for a change. :)

OP your situation doesn't sound very fair at all.

poopnscoop · 17/09/2012 13:16

Very odd arrangement... but if it works for you then fine - but obviously it's not. My DH and I have a joint bank account - all goes in there, everything comes off that, what's left is OURS. I don't see money in terms of 'his' or 'mine'... and I make more than double what he makes... it's just not an issue.

I would not be happy with your arrangement... he's quids in every way you look at it... cheeky b&gger.

PavlovtheCat · 17/09/2012 13:17

in which case, he won't mind putting it all in one place then! DH and I used to argue about where our money went before we got a joint account. We actually set the joint account up when he was made redundant as he wanted to be responsible for paying some things and not leaving it up to me as the 'breadwinner'. And I hated him feeling like he had no money and I did (which was not true) so we had a joint account, he could go shopping without asking for money, and we still both had (a very small) personal spend each month. But we found from then on, we stopped arguing about where money had gone, and also could see just how much we both fritted away on rubbish and learnt to be so much leaner with our spending.

poopnscoop · 17/09/2012 13:17

Does he have a secret gambling habit or something perhaps?

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