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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH waking me up as I'm keeping him awake.

58 replies

SleepSleepSleep · 17/09/2012 07:11

I make a funny clicking sound in my sleep. It drives DH insane. It is not loud so doesn't wake him up but if he wakes up he cannot get back to sleep and gets cross and so wakes me up, I go back to sleep and start doing it again so he wakes me up, and repeat, repeat, repeat.
I feel bad for him. I have sleep problems myself and sometimes find it very difficult to sleep and know how awful it is. But on the other hand I can't help it and him repeatedly waking me just means that we are both shattered the next day. I am cross that he woke me so many times last night despite knowing that the night before I had a terrible nights sleep.
So as not to drip feed I have noticed this only happens on work nights. I think he feels under pressure to get his x amount of hours sleep in knowing he has to get up for work and this makes him react to the noise I am making, whereas on a Friday/Saturday night he just rolls over and goes back to sleep.
AWBU? And any idea where we go from here?

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 17/09/2012 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChunkyPickle · 17/09/2012 07:16

Ear plugs for him, you finding a position you can sleep in without making the clicking noise, you both giving each other a break and sleeping elsewhere occasionally if possible.

DP Snores.. every kind... he can manage it in every position, and normally, I nudge him get him to roll over and he's quiet enough for long enough that I can go back to sleep.

Sometimes though I just get so, so annoyed, lying there in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep, and nudge him at every noise until either he gets up or I manage to fall asleep exhausted.

earplugs help, but I don't like wearing them all night because then I won't be able to hear DS (and DP sleeps so solidly he doesn't always hear him either)

Morloth · 17/09/2012 07:23

It OS pretty infuriating to be constantly woken up (I am on the other side of this).

I now where earplugs and if it an especially bad night one of us goes to the spare bed.

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 17/09/2012 07:27

Sleep separately. Seriously - DH and I do, and it has done nothing but good for our marriage. We still have plenty of intimate time, but then get into our own beds (well, I share with DD at the moment). Lovely fresh smelling bedlinen, pillows the way I like them, room the temperature I like, and most of all QUIET with no snoring or restless legs. DH enjoys being able to fart, snore, burp and wriggle as much as he wants to. Separate beds = more sleep = happier marriage - fact!

Original poster

SleepSleepSleep · 17/09/2012 07:35

We don't really have a spare bed option though might in the future, however he did used to wear ear plugs and so needs to get some more. Although he did claim to be able to hear it through the plugs at times which makes me think he is obsessing about it.
I have wondered about going to GP but was worried as it is not exactly an urgent health problem.
If we ever get a bigger house, would love separate beds! And I say this coming from a standpoint of being woken many, many times.

OP posts:

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 17/09/2012 07:39

You buy him some today so there is no excuse.....my DH snores and it drives me MAD! However, I try not to wake him....I gently move him so he stops.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 17/09/2012 07:39

It is worth seeing the GP about by the way

Flisspaps · 17/09/2012 07:45

See the GP

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 17/09/2012 07:50

Separate beds are doable even without a spare room. We bought a decent quality sofa bed for the living room and DH sleeps there. It's nice as we can lay on it to watch tv or read, and I "loll" with my youngest three sometimes and we watch something together all cuddled up.
It was the only way we could both get some sleep, and has been the arrangement for about 6 years or so now.

OHforDUCKScake · 17/09/2012 07:51

If its winding him up and stressing him out he'll be listening out for it.

I feel for you both, broken sleep is the worst.

Decent, expensive ear plugs are well worth the money. Beyond the foam ones.

OTheHugeManatee · 17/09/2012 07:53

I sympathise with your DP, I get really twitchy about sleep sometimes and DH snores. It's a killer combination as you end up lying there in a rage, waiting for the next noise however tiny.

DH does have a fine range of snores, but at least some if the problem is mine. Usually I conk out fine but just sometimes when I really can't sleep and it's then that te snoring really bugs me.

My solutions, in order of drasticness depending on how twitchy I am, are:

Earplugs
Earplugs + herbal Nytol
Earplugs plus over the counter Nytol
Spare room + some combination of the above.

MigGril · 17/09/2012 07:55

Yes talk to the GP but just wondered if the clinking you are making is you're jaw, in which case the dentist may be able to help.

Do you get pain in your jaw at all?

Hopeforever · 17/09/2012 08:05

Good advice already. The words that struck me were "makes me think he is obsessing about it"

Yes, he is obsessing, but it's really hard when you are tired not to obsess about a noise that is stopping you from sleeping.

It would really help to take the blame out of this. Go to your GP and check there is nothing that can be done. Buy him good ear plugs and understand his POV and he will then be more understanding of how difficult it is for you.

Hopeforever · 17/09/2012 08:06

Decent earplugs - cant you get ones that are moulded to your ear shape? I know they do these for musicians and surfers.

Hopeforever · 17/09/2012 08:08

Here we go, £20 is cheeper than a divorce!

www.zenplugs.co.uk/snoring-earplugs

Morloth · 17/09/2012 08:15

The Boots bio-ears were the best I could find in the UK.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/09/2012 08:22

Sorry, but I am with him on this. He's not trying to obsess, it's just horrible to be trying to fall asleep and to keep being woken up.

Doctor for you and earplugs for him, definitely.

This might not be for you, but I sometimes put the radio on very low if I can't sleep and there's an intermittent noise from something else - that way I have constant low-level noise and it sort of masks the shock of the intermittent noise and stops i waking me up. Worth a try?

OTheHugeManatee · 17/09/2012 08:27

I am devoted to www.snorestore.co.uk - I reckon it has made a major contribution to keeping my relationship on an even keel

Bellyjaby · 17/09/2012 09:10

I do this to oh all the time. He's a massive snorer and I'm a terrible sleeper. Being 38wks pregnant though, I'm the massive snorer. God bless him, he doesn't wake me like I wake him, but that's because he can sleep through it! We got one of those snoring mouth guards. Probably saved our relationship. That's not going to help the clicking problem. Is it jaw clicks or tongue clicking?

hippermiddleton · 17/09/2012 09:40

At least make the gesture of seeing the GP/dentist to see if something can be done to stop the clicking. My DH snores, to the point where if we share a bed, I get 3 hours' sleep at most, and the most enraging thing about the whole situation is that he will not go to the GP to see what he can do about it. It's a major thorn in our relationship: both the sleep deprivation and the refusal to accept that there might be a solution, other than me being woken multiple times a night and then having to kip somewhere else.

Original poster

SleepSleepSleep · 17/09/2012 10:22

I'll go the GP but have told him to get ear plugs. Last time I got some they were too big and he wouldn't wear them.

For all those defending him, what about me! I have to work and/or look after 2 small children all day having been woken up at least 10 times since 3.30 this morning. The only reason I went back to sleep was because I was so exhausted from lack of sleep the night before. DD2 has only just started to sleep through after a whole year of me getting up with her. Plus it never happens when we are on holiday so I do think he has to take some steps to try and switch off rather than constantly waking me up.

To reiterate, I don't wake him up, it isn't loud. He just naturally wakes up and then gets infuriated by the clicking and so can't sleep. Sometimes he gives me whole speeches on the frequency of clicks. But I don't know where it comes from. Sometimes I have felt it happen when I am between sleep and being awake and it seems to be a noise from within my throat.

But I will go to the GP.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 17/09/2012 10:25

i'm with your dh too. sorry!

my dp snores, and it is infurtiating. i do kick/nudge/poke him when he is doing it, sometimes repeatedly, in the hope that it'll stop long enough for me to fall asleep.

i would second the suggestion of sleeping in separate rooms if the clicking can't be solved

DamnBamboo · 17/09/2012 10:33

Earplugs or spare bedroom.
No it's not your fault, but it's not his either.
My husband keeps my awake with noises and it drives me mental and I am regularly shattered.

I can understand why he wakes you up to be honest.

Morloth · 17/09/2012 10:34

It just makes you crazy OP.

I can't even explain it. There have been times when I have considered actually murdering my husband.

And I have even done what he is doing, my thinking (if you can call it that) is that if he is keeping me awake then I have to keep him awake.

For us, a combo of a new latex bed, ear-plugs and having the ability to go to a different room is the only things that have helped.

I always go to bed before he does, because even with the earplugs I will not be able to get to sleep if he is already snoring.

Not defending him as such, but it really makes you a bit insane.

DamnBamboo · 17/09/2012 10:36

You sound just like my husband.

'What about me?'

Yes indeed, what about you. What about him too. The man needs to work and he can't get proper sleep.

It's an unfortunate situation, but YABU to get so cross with him

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