To expect a tiny bit of respect?

[vodkaandcaviar]

Things are a bit strained between my boyfriend and I at the moment; I'm feeling quite miserable and think the relationship is on it's last legs. Nothing major has happened, I just think we're drifting apart. We've talked about it and he wants to stay together/says he's happy. I'm still not 100% what to do so am trying to focus on just keeping things ticking over for now.

We live together and are both currently looking for work after graduating this year. I spend a large portion of my day writing covering letters, searching for jobs, editing my CV and so on whereas he spends the majority of his time playing computer games. He has had two interview offers and I have none so I guess he thinks he doesn't need to make as much effort. Outside of job applications I have a blog online which I post to daily and I like to keep in touch/meet up with friends just to keep me sane. I go somewhere, even if it's just to Sainsburys, everyday whereas he rarely leaves the flat more and once a week.

We've had issues in the past regarding cleaning the flat and whilst he has improved to an extent and is sometimes willing to be helpful, I still end up doing most of it. This is partly because I'm the one who wants to live in a clean flat. Every day I make his meals and usually bring them to him at his computer. He's thankful but when I ask him if he could take the bins out or clean the kitchen up (it's a TINY kitchen and I only want him to wipe the surfaces) he huffs and says he won't do it. I know that probably seems really petty but I do everything else for him and I think it's a bit disrespectful? He also gets really annoyed if I interrupt him from his games; just earlier I went in to ask him a genuine question about a laptop charger and he almost bit my head off. This was ten minutes after I'd cooked him a lovely meal.

I realise I probably sound like a total stuck up cow here but I'm finding his behaviour increasingly childish and don't know how to cope with it. I don't see how he can say that he wants our relationship to work and not make any effort whatsoever. To be respect is a huge part of any good relationship and I feel as though it's gone.

I'd suggest going even further than that, holy. Just do your own thing from now on to get rid of all the stress he causes you - food shop for yourself, make your own meals, clean up after yourself, do your own washing, ironing and spend as much time out of the house as you can to stop him dragging you down further.

You can do your blogging and job hunting in a coffee shop or the library, for example.

You have lots of friends in the same town so during the week socialise with them (alone) and stay over at theirs occasionally. Spend the weekends visiting friends and family.

Really crank up the job hunt, get the money together for a deposit on a new flatshare and just present it as a fait accompli when you tell him you're moving out.

If you are applying for admin roles in media companies, also look for PA/secretarial jobs anywhere, contact agencies specialising in secretarial work - most media companies won't advertise these roles or go to a media recruitment specialist, but a PA recruitment specialist (and you can always get some secretarial experience and then look to move industries).

For general 'get a job now' - contact nanny agencies, see if you can get any holiday/sickness cover jobs. Might help bump up your savings in the short term.

But most importantly, get out of this relationship. It'll drag you down.

also, any of your friends who are working, contact them and make sure they know you are happy for them to take in your CV for any vacency that comes up, not just media ones. (OK, not dream job, but if you have a job of any sort, you at least can start looking for new flat and get on with your life)

Of course you can leave a temporary job when you find one you want long term! If you think about it, most people looking for jobs are already in work, very few are new graduates. Get a job in cafe Nero or something to pay the rent and get you out of the house. Put a card in the newsagents offering ironing or after school pickups. Deliver newspapers if you have to.

Please listen to us - you are so so young
Leave this useless relationship and this useless 'man' and start living your life! Go out, have fun and when you are ready meet a good, decent man as honestly life is too short to put up with crap men like yours. In ten years time you will barely remember him and will breathe a sigh of relief that you left. Don't waste your life. Your twenties will go in the blink if an eye, savour your youth.

We've talked a bit - I explained that I feel too dependent and that I think we're not right for each other. He got pretty upset - not in an angry way, just sad. He didn't get a lot of sleep last night either. I'm glad that he knows what's going on in my head but I can't help feeling guilty. He did make the dinner last night.

Chin up, it's better to be honest.
Xx

I know, I've always been honest with him. He actually brought it up by asking me if I was okay because I'd been acting strangely.

he thinks you're his mum. leave him.