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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have fallen asleep and not replied

95 replies

Justhadenough · 15/09/2012 22:34

Last night I was sitting here mumsnetting being very productive. All the DCs were in bed. DH had locked the doors and I had told him I would come up in a minute. SIL (DHs sister) text me asking could she come and visit. She visits a lot at night, because she says it's easier for her.
I said no we were all in bed. I then fell asleep on my chair
DH left me where I was. So I didn't wake up till this morning. I had 9 missed calls and 16 messages from SIL most of them telling me to call her back soon.
I rang her back and told her I was sorry, I had fallen asleep.
She said I was rude for doing so and she wanted to come. I said I was sorry, I really didn't mean too. She told me to get lost and she wouldn't ask me again she would ask DH from now on.
I feel really bad now, because she is upset. But at the same time I didn't do it on purpose.
So AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsDWho · 16/09/2012 11:33

YANBU. I would put my foot down with regards to after 11pm visits. In fact, I would put my foot down over visits after 9pm, and that is because my youngest is down and in bed for 7, oldest in bed for 8, then I would have whoever around for an hour, but after 9pm, no chance as I like to chill out for an hour before bed.

But with triplets? Plus 3 older children? Jeeze, they would be incredibly lucky if I had even bothered to reply to them.

I would have to tell her that the world does not revolve around her, and that if she gave her children a proper bedtime routine, then she would be able to come around at a reasonable time. But from now on, after 10pm, your mobile will be switched off and you should only be contacted on the landline if it is an emergency. After 11pm is ridiculous when you have little babies to look after during the night, and then having to be up at the crack of dawn unlike her who can sleep the morning away. Tell her to get fucked!!

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 16/09/2012 11:37

Wow, what a selfish, entitled cow. OP, tell her to do one - and enjoy your sleep!

Best of luck to your wee one :)

EleanorHandbasket · 16/09/2012 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PowerDresser · 16/09/2012 11:54

I agree with everyone else on here. You answered your 'phone and said that you were all in bed. Did she expect you to get up? You might be at home all day but, you get up early to see the children off to school and deal with your two triplets who are at home. They don't sit watching television all day, do they? They need attention so use up a lot of time. As others have said, switch off your mobile at about 10.00pm and if she starts to ring you earlier, say no, she can't come round because you're going to bed.

I have to admit though that a few years ago, my DH and I woke up at about 2.00am thinking that we'd heard a knock at the door. But no one comes then, do they, so we ignored it. There was a knock at the door at 6.00am (we are larks and didn't mind) so I went down to open the door. Two Romanian friends had driven almost non-stop all the way from their home and reached our house at 2.00am.

Of course, they came in, we cooked English breakfast for them and they went straight to bed. We did not know they were coming so had not expected them. We do live an unusual life so we enjoyed it all. After 2.00am, they had spent the rest of the night in their car outside.

Being larks as I said, it means we usually go to bed a bit on the early side so I certainly wouldn't want people coming round at even 10.00pm unless it had been arranged well in advance - after a long journey say.

Smellslikecatspee · 16/09/2012 13:18

My God i didn't realise you were the MNer with the triplets.......

It was bad before but WHAT THE FUCK!!

who in their right mind would expect a family with little babies to be able to string a sentence together after 8pm.

Really WHAT THE FUCK!!!

BlackTieNTails · 16/09/2012 13:26

you should have said sorry i didnt reply i was having hot sex all night long with OH so unless you wanted to watch, it really wasnt convenient

auberginesarenottheonlyfruit · 16/09/2012 13:27

Unless she was calling round to help??

Secondsop · 16/09/2012 13:46

Gosh, you're the lady with 3 children and 3 new baby triplets? I'm astounded this woman is even proposing to come over at 11.30 at night, let alone not take no for an answer and keep hounding you! Seriously, what an imposition! You've dealt with it a LOT more calmly than I would have, and I have no babies at all!

You've done nothing wrong. She has.

Secondsop · 16/09/2012 13:47

Re my last post, even without factoring in the babies etc you are definitely not being unreasonable. Don't be hard on yourself - she owes you an apology, not the other way round.

Thingiebob · 16/09/2012 13:55

Why are you letting her do this?

It is not acceptable to hound you in this fashion after you have answered her.

She shouldn't be imposing herself on you so late at night when you have children.

Telling you to 'get lost' is bloody rude.

Talk to your DH and tell him to talk to her. Her behaviour is outrageous.

Proudnscary · 16/09/2012 13:58

Dear God woman you need to grow a pair!

You have 8 million children and have every right to fall asleep as and when you can in your own home.

You have every right not to answer the phone if you don't want to.

You have every right to tell someone it's not convenient for them to come over.

Do not allow her to treat you like this.

How dare she!

Thingiebob · 16/09/2012 14:58

Echoing Proud here

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 16/09/2012 15:04

There is something very wrong with her. Get any sleep you can and ignore.

TapirBackRider · 16/09/2012 15:11

You need to change the way that you deal with/respond to her. From everything that you have posted, the more apologetic you are towards her, the more it feeds her 'entitled' behaviour/attitude towards you.

Start out with the viewpoint that you, your dh and your dcs are the most important things (and that includes you needing rest/sleep) and that she is being very unreasonable in her demands to be entertained at a late hour of the day. Perhaps some very gentle sarcasm along the lines of "20 texts, SIL? Isn't that a little much?"

CassandraApprentice · 16/09/2012 15:25

Her behavior and demands are not normal and certainly, with everything you have going on any way, reasonable.

Don't apologize, don't explain. Don't let her get away with any more inconsiderate behavior.

Actually why isn't she spending the time with her DH ? It just seems off behavior all round to leave her sleeping DC and time with her DH to go round to you who want to be asleep and don't want visitors that late all on pretext it's easier for her.

PooPooOnMars · 16/09/2012 18:37

How exactly do you feel about the op because you haven't really said? You've told her that you didn't mean to fall asleep after telling her she couldn't come round because you were in bed. It actually doesn't make sense at all!

Why would you tell her you didn't mean to fall asleep if you had already told her you were in bed. And why that you were sorry?

This thread doesn't make any sense.

CinnabarRed · 22/10/2012 16:10

How's your little one in hospital?

aldiwhore · 22/10/2012 16:13

YABU for apologising, your SIl is VU and a bit weird.

ENormaSnob · 22/10/2012 16:26

She wouldn't be welcome around again at all if she'd spoke to me like that.

Fucking weirdo.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 22/10/2012 16:30

She sounds really unpleasant and entitled. Who on earth wants to visit at nearly midnight? It is insane! And then is pissed off because you fall asleep, after you have told her you are in bed??

She is RUDE!

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