To wonder what the hell happens to boys at birthday parties

[pouffepants]

I've had this before. Boys that behave perfectly reasonably at all other times seem to morph into crazy creatures as soon as they enter a party.

Dd2's 6th party this afternoon. Invited a mix of boys and girls, but several of the boys couldn't come so only had 3. The boy who lives a few houses down, plays round regularly, so I know he usually behaves fine. A very small quiet mouse of a boy, renowned for being a complete sweetie. And a boy I didn't know well, but had heard was lively.

Now I expect a bit of daft and rowdy behaviour since they're excited, but honestly it was ridiculous. Literally, the second they charged through the door it turned into the scene of a crazy OTT kids film. Just hurling everything they could get their hands on at each other, jumping off stuff etc.

The girls were fine, a couple excitable, but behaved fine and joined in. But the boys? They said they wanted to play pass the parcel. So they all sat in a circle nicely, but as soon as it got to one of the boys, it just got hurled across the room. Anything involving music, just turned into fighting, not just play fighting, properly kicking each other in the head.

They went in dd's room, and they literally just pulled everything out and started smashing it against the walls, and each other. Had to bring everyone downstairs again because they were trying to smash the computer. This is a boy who plays on it perfectly nicely, when he comes round to play.

So I got the food out, and they made no attempt to eat at all, just smearing it all over each other, throwing it, pouring drinks around. I really don't like telling other people's kids off, especially at a party, but I had no choice. Spent the whole afternoon having to separate, and 'have a word', whereas my 16yo ds could manage all 8 girls no problem while I was talking to boys who seemed in a zombified crazed state.

The boy I know best, on an average day I might say 'no, we don't do that' and he'll stop, no probs. Today spent the whole of musical chairs having to hold onto him on the sofa, because if I let go, he charged into the middle of the room and knocked all the chairs over and tried to throw them. This was all before any food, so I can't blame junk.

This sort of divide has been obvious at every party I've ever done, so why do boys get SOOO hyper, while the girls just get a bit excited?

I would love to give you 10 excitable boys, a small house and no help TudorJess! You could then repeat with 10 excited girls and the same conditions and it would be different. Anyone is living in cloud cuckoo land if they think it is the same! Either that or they have little experience or just very young DCs.
I am not saying it to demonise boys- I prefer them!
Having been a teacher, mother, Brownie leader, Beaver leader - and quite old- boys wrestle and girls do not.

Tudor, love the way that making observations and mentioning gender is sexist. I have never had problems with boys apart from parties.

I don't understand why the boy who comes round to play most nights after school suddenly became like this.

Tudorjess - it's the group dynamics, not the gender. A group of truly lovely girls had a food fight at one of DS's parties. The generally nice little boys at DD's last party were a bloody nightmare - rugby tackles in the middle of games and all sorts. A lot of the girls have since had girls only parties, but I really don't want to do that - I will be recruiting large male helpers, though..

Oh, and no-one did manage to actually smash anything. Our old computer is quite sturdy and although it received a big clonk to the back with a guitar, and the keyboard was on the floor, as soon as I realised I ushered them back into the main room.

I thought they were maybe not liking the organised games, so when they asked to play with the toys I let them go in the bedroom. At other times I have groups up there, who make a mess but no more. (boys and girls)

i have four biys and have had and been to lots if parties. yes boys can be boisterous and yes they like wrestling (tho so does my dd)

my boys would not behave like that tho and had i beem hosting a party and the children were getting that out of control i would have had no qualms in saying to the children that if they didnt cut it out i WOULD call their parents to come and get them and the party would be over.

boisterous and excitable us fine. willful bad and destructive behaviour us not ok and i wouldnt put up with it from any child regardless of gender.

To say that anyone who disagrees with your opinion or has different experiences to you is "living in cloud cuckoo land" is more than a little patronizing, exoticfruits.

OP, change "making observations and mentioning gender" to "making observations and mentioning race".

How does "AIBU to wonder what the hell happens to black children at parties" sound?

By the way, I'd love it if you would consider a namechange.

pouffepants (love the name) given what you've said since your OP - cub scout helper, mother of a DS, have had parties with boys before etc - surely you are in the best position to explain this out of control behaviour, ie you understand boys and their testosterone levels when they are allowed to let go.

Is it that they felt too at home, but without parents, so let themselves go? Was there a structure to the party that they were made to understand? Oh, I don't know. I feel for you cos what you describe sounds like a nightmare, but I really don't think I would allow this to happen in my house (I'm probably being really naive here as DS is 3.8yo and DD is 5mo!)

If something peculiar happened to black children's behaviour at parties then I might query it. But to my knowledge it doesn't.

What if another Mumsnetter had had that experience though. Would it be helpful to start a thread about it? Based on her knowledge...

Larks, that's why I'm so confused. It is completely at odds with all other situations that I experience.

PuffPants fgs, making observations about gender in children is so very different to making observations about race. And wrt the similarity of your names get over yourself! Pouffepants is a better name than puffpants imo.

I guess it would. Apart from anything else it would be fascinating if we found different behaviours totally based on race.

I'm sure there must be observable differences to some children's behaviour depending on cultural upbringing. I would not be surprised if a child from another culture behaved differently at a traditional british party, because they may not have experienced it. I'd be most surprised if the difference was that they were disruptive though.

But the 3 parties I have done involving boys have been awful. This one the worst

Then (again) as a Mum of 3 boys and very experienced in boys parties over my 20yrs as a parent...I really think this is down to the lack of supervision at the '3 parties you have done'.

I have never experience this in my life and if any one of my boys came home from a party where children were wrecking a bedroom or try to smash a computer up, I would never allow them to attend a party thrown by that parent again.

Sorry about the name by the way, I didn't know you existed.

exactly worra i simply wouldnt tolerate that kind of behaviour!

Live and learn OP, if you are going to host another party in your house. Lay down the ground rules on arrival, whether it is all boys, all girls or a mix (have those rules clear in your head). Make sure no activity lasts longer than 20-30mins (boredom encourages silliness). Warn any bad behaviour and if it persists, sanction it, even if that means calling the parents.

Blimey, it's a bit like teaching really.

I have had tons of girl boy party and i have found the boys extra lively suddenly. The party girls are mostly calm, creative and orderly. The boys turn crazy bonkers though - not trashing furniture though. I strongly advise you choose activities where the children can be completely worm out and tear around madly so that they sit in a calm state whilst eating. A great party would be swimming or a treasure hunt which requires lots of running around with simple paper instructions. Avoid anything where you have to organise hypo kids. Also you must send kids home if trashing the computer etc Totally unacceptable what ever the sex.

Your naughty neighbor boy - I'd have a word with his mum but also tell him he must behave next time or he won't be invited. Then remind him closer to the next party.

At no point did anyone behave well enough to actually lay down the ground rules. I tried for the first 5 mins, but couldn't get them on a chair, or to even look at me, so I just started the music in the hope they'd join in, but it went downhill from there.

The one who lives round the corner's mum leaves him here so often, that she was confident enough to go to work, so I didn't want to phone her. And another one's mum is a teacher, who'd had to come quite far to bring him so had gone into school to do some work, so again I felt bad disturbing her. So I persevered.

I often supervise whole groups of kids, but I have no idea how to deal with children rampaging blindly. There was no let up AT ALL. And I had to have much harsher words then I ever have to have when kids come to play.

I clearly didn't handle it well, but I don't know what else I could have done. I just literally had to hold onto them on the sofa, which to be fair, they co-operated with fine. But hell, they're supposed to be having good time, so after a few minutes I'd let them go and they'd just run headlong into each other or a wall. (And then came back crying)

Next party?????

Perhaps you could try letting someone else take charge next time?

You know like a soft play/sports hall/bowling party?

They would have a clearer idea of how to handle children.

Please don't be 'that Mum' who has parties she can't handle and the kids come home with various injuries.

I've seen this too many times over the years and eventually the kids stop attending because their parents won't let them.

I stopped doing parties at home years ago. But the local soft play places have both closed down, and someone I knew had dreadful problems hiring the local hall recently, so I was a bit out of ideas.

For the record I've never actually managed to send anyone home injured. Not sure how though.

My friend has sworn not to have a tea party again after taking out boys and girls to eat at pizza hut. The girls sat there colouring in and chatting, the boys wanted to run round madly.

But who/what is it in a group that causes this? I have done very involved activities with DS's male-dominated year group with no problems at all. I can't imagine doing that with DD's class, and there is actually a higher proportion of girls .