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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sent this?

74 replies

janflan · 15/09/2012 16:26

Oh crap I've just sent a message to someone I've had a crush on for a while.

I haven't done anything about it because I've been in a relationship up until now.

However because he's part of exs social circle I'm unlikely to see him again. So i just sent him a message saying ex and i have split up and i don't want to lose touch with everyone.

I had to get his number off his website so I'm hoping i don't look like a mad stalker. He hasn't replied yet and i feel sick and am shaking.

Ex will go mad if he finds out so I'm hoping he doesn't. spread it around!

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Frontpaw · 15/09/2012 16:30

Aa long as you weren't declaring your undying love for him, then what's the harm? Lots of people lose thought with pals after a breakup and it's a bit of a shame sometimes.

Who knows, maybe he'll feel the same way. Will that cause hassle though if you were to start seeing each other?

LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops · 15/09/2012 16:31

Didn't you post this earlier? Confused

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:32

I'm hoping he feels the same way, I'm about 60% sure he does.

It might cause problems with ex i don't think he'll be too happy.

OP posts:
Frontpaw · 15/09/2012 16:32

(maybe she fancied someone else and send him one too)

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:33

Yes i did in relationships but there's more traffic here and I'm working myself into a state!

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Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:34

Oh god no one's enough! I feel like a teenager except we didn't have text messages then.

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Frontpaw · 15/09/2012 16:36

When did you send it? Maybe send a few more out to some other potential lost friends and muddy the water a bit.

I'll keep my fingers for a budding romance!

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 16:37

If it's his work website then the number you sent the text to might be a 'general' number and the message might be picked up by a colleague instead.

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:38

I sent it almost 3hrs ago :( i don't want to get too many people involved in case it gets back to ex.

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Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:41

I'm pretty sure it's his own business and he works on his own so that shouldn't happen.

It does say on his website that all queries will be dealt with in 24hrs.

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Frontpaw · 15/09/2012 16:42

He may need to log in to pick up messages - that's what my old site was like. How nerve racking!

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:43

It was a mobile number would that still apply?

I feel sick and wish I'd never sent it now.

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WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 16:44

Well I wouldn't pin too much hope on a reply that says much more than 'Ok, thanks'.

I'm just trying to think but if I got a text saying you didn't want to lose touch with 'everyone', I'd assume it was a circular and I might not even think to reply.

squeakytoy · 15/09/2012 16:46

It depends how you worded the text really...

"hi sexy, I have split with bf now, and have wanted to shag the arse off you for ages, how about it big boy?"

ermm well, that could be awkward if he shows your ex..

but

"hi, just hoping that we can still be mates even though me and ex are not together" would be fine...

Grin
cheekybarsteward · 15/09/2012 16:49

Good idea frontpaw...sooo exciting! U I live a budding romance [sad romance less life I lead emoticon]

cheekybarsteward · 15/09/2012 16:49

I love even

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:52

The message said something like Hi it's Jan, ex and i have split up. I won't be socialising with him anymore but I don't want to lose contact with everyone. It's not ended well so i would if you could keep it a bit quiet that would be great. I'm sure you'll hear from him soon enough. Hope you're ok?

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squeakytoy · 15/09/2012 16:54

sounds fair enough.. but I would say dont hold out any hopes of it developing into anything more.. if he is your ex's mate, he is not likely to want to tread on his toes by getting romantically involved with you, and look at it this way, would you want to get with him and still be in the same social circle as your ex?

By all means stay mates, but I certainly would not recommend going out with him in the near future.

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 16:58

He lives quiet far away so we'd only ever see him a few times a year. They're not super close or anything.

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WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 16:58

How long were you and your ex together for?

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 17:01

8 years.

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CajaDeLaMemoria · 15/09/2012 17:04

I agree that I wouldn't take it too personally if he doesn't respond.

There's a lot muddying the waters...first off, he is your ex's friend, and might not want to get involved/keep in touch.

Secondly, it reads a lot like a circular, unless you personalised it to him. I'd probably presume you sent it to everyone and it didn't need a personal response.

I hope he does reply, though! Remember it could be a work phone. I haven't checked mine today, he might not usually get messages on a Saturday, so it might be later tonight/tomorrow/Monday when he reads it.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 17:06

I really don't think I would date my friend's ex of 8yrs...especially if they'd only just split up so please don't pin too much hope on this.

When was the last time you spoke to your ex's friend?

Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 17:06

Well at least if he doesn't respond I'll never have to see him again!

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Original poster
janflan · 15/09/2012 17:08

It was a few months ago and i always get a bit funny after I've seen him. I can't stop thinking about him for weeks and then it goes to the back of my mind until the next time i see him.

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