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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sent this?

74 replies

janflan · 15/09/2012 16:26

Oh crap I've just sent a message to someone I've had a crush on for a while.

I haven't done anything about it because I've been in a relationship up until now.

However because he's part of exs social circle I'm unlikely to see him again. So i just sent him a message saying ex and i have split up and i don't want to lose touch with everyone.

I had to get his number off his website so I'm hoping i don't look like a mad stalker. He hasn't replied yet and i feel sick and am shaking.

Ex will go mad if he finds out so I'm hoping he doesn't. spread it around!

OP posts:
Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 21:17

Oh dear. i think I've just complicated things even more. Still haven't heard from CM.

Ex went out last night and I'm pretty sure he's had sex with someone else. This has made me a bit sad and i really don't want to care but i do.

In a fit of revenge maybe i agreed to go out for a drink with a guy who's lovely but far too young for me. He's been asking for a while but I've said no because i wasn't ready.

Now i feel sick. :(

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/09/2012 21:29

I'm sorry but you need to stop this.

'Revenge'? that's just silly.

You're worth more than this. Just take some time out for you, forget about dating for now and stop trying to rush into it all.

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 21:37

Maybe not revenge more like what's good for him is good for me too.

I was going to go for a drink with this guy anyway just not yet.

I think you may be right. I felt sad earlier ex said I'd end up lonely while he lives happily ever after. I think that plus no answer from cm has made me go running to this other guy.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 16/09/2012 21:37

Janflan, Step away from the men. Get yourself happy first. Or you could end up in destructive mode and the person getting hurt the most is you.

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 21:41

I hate this, before ex i was independent and very happy being single. I thought I'd slip back into it but it's not nice at times.

I'm in no way rushing into another relationship any time soon. Will 1 drink with a very sexy young man hurt? It is a big ego boost for sure but far too young for anything more.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 16/09/2012 21:47

A drink won't hurt. But don't wear your fancy knickers. Put the baggy ones on so you are not tempted to whip them off for a tipsy lonely shag.

You just need sometime to find you again.

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 21:50

Oh god i don't want to be taking my knickers off!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/09/2012 21:53

In a fit of revenge maybe i agreed to go out for a drink with a guy who's lovely but far too young for me. He's been asking for a while but I've said no because i wasn't ready

^^ This matters.

You've said no because you weren't ready...so don't start saying yes until you are.

And least of all because your ex is seeing someone.

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 21:58

I've said yes now but we haven't arranged anything yet.

OP posts:
PooPooOnMars · 16/09/2012 22:32

Are you still living with your ex then?

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 22:35

No i'm not.

OP posts:
PooPooOnMars · 16/09/2012 22:46

Oh, it sounded like he had come home after having sex with someone else.

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 22:51

No he just hinted a lot today. Was moaning at how expensive condoms are these days etc.

OP posts:
PooPooOnMars · 16/09/2012 22:54

Not subtle then!!! That's rather pathetic and twatish!

RosemaryHoyt · 16/09/2012 22:58

Shock what a charming comment.

Out of interest apropos of nothing, if he were to text yu back. Would be too scared to open it? Ponders...

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 22:58

No as subtle as a brick!

OP posts:
Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 23:00

No I'd open it straight away.

OP posts:
RosemaryHoyt · 16/09/2012 23:03

Crap. You are braver than me. Staring hard at phone. Not asleep as can't really face a night time rejection.

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 23:06

Oh that doesn't sound good :( hope you're ok?

OP posts:
RosemaryHoyt · 16/09/2012 23:07

Am totally fine! Just a bit of a wimp!

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 23:13

What's your situation? I wish I'd never sent the message now if I'm honest.

OP posts:
Casmama · 16/09/2012 23:23

I wouldn't worry about your ex, he may well be winding you up or trying to judge your reaction to see if you have had sex with anyone else.

RosemaryHoyt · 16/09/2012 23:24

Long standing on off thing. He commitment phobe. Me serial monogamist of unsuitable men. Read it. A clear rejection without actually saying so. Well what the fuck ever. Not the time for it now. And has probably saved me from yet another screwy relationship. It hurts a lot less this time. I am improving with practice.

Original poster
janflan · 16/09/2012 23:34

He might have been trying to wind me up
. Have just had to tell the nice young man i didn't want to have cyber sex! He actually took it quiet well but we shall see if i ever
hear from him again.
If i were you I'd think sod him he's had his chances, it's not fair for him to hurt you over and over!

OP posts:
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