Bullying and hair.

[solidgoldbrass]

I posted about this last school term - DS has been getting called 'gay' and 'gaylord' at school. I mentioned it to his class teacher then, but it was the last day of term so I hoped it would all be forgotten about (on the kids' part) over the holidays.
Well, it's not been. I have talked with DS about how silly they are to use that as an insult, and how nasty it is to call people names. ANd he has come up with a strategy of just saying 'Pardon? Didn't hear that' repeatedly, which I think is a good one.

And obviously I am going to speak to the school on Monday about it being time for a general reminder about homophobic bullying.

But I have a feeling it's going to be suggested that we make DS have a haircut. He has long fair hair and doesn't want to cut it - and why the fuck should he?

Age of DS? I reckon you're doing ok FWIW. Why should be cut his hair if he doesn't want to? I'd create hell at the school, about homophobic bullying, but it seems DS is prepared to shrug off the idiots. Good for him! (Although I quite agree he shouldn't have to). Ask them what their policy is on kids using the 'N' word to black kids, whilst you're at it! Put the fear of God into school and they should stamp on this.

No, of course he shouldn't have to cut his hair. WTF?

TBH if he did it'd probably just make the twats behave worse toward him.

TBH even 'pardon, didn't hear that' is a acknowledging the bully is getting to you.

Don't ever give a fire oxygen and it will die.

Bullies thrive on getting a reaction, which your DS is still doing.

If he likes his hair and is comfortable with his hair then he isn't giving off the 'I'm a victim' vibe - the hair is the obvious thing they are picking on, same as if he were fat/ginger/glasses/tall/short. He can get his hair cut but there will be something else that allows him to be bullied.

No he shouldn't cut his hair and yes it needs pointing out that its homophobic.
I would not be kicking off or raising hell at this point.
Nor would I bring racist bullying into it. I am sure the school will take homophobic bullying on its own merit. If not then raise hell.
I would be pissed off if they suggest to cut it. That's like saying its his fault. I would tell them he should be able to have his hair how he wishes without fear of bullying.

No way would I agree to cutting his hair, imagine the message that would send to the bullies they would see it as validation. Then they would find something else about him that 'made' him gay in their opinion.

The school are duty bound to report all homophobic incidents to the LEA and also deal very strongly with offenders. You need to be making a noise to make sure they realise this is unacceptable.

Your poor DS, why shouldn't he have his hair how he wants it!?

I have a feeling it's going to be suggested that we make DS have a haircut. He has long fair hair and doesn't want to cut it - and why the fuck should he?

Your answer to that is: would you suggest he bleached his skin if he were black? or had laser surgery of he wore glasses?

However, if you aren't going to mainstream conform, you generally have to have a big personality to divert any ribbing. that isn;t an excuse for bullying, just a fact of life.

Of course he shouldn't have to cut his hair! :( my ds has longish hair but it's the fashion here (Spain) for boys to have longer hair so he is in the majority.

Complain to the LEA.

So if he cuts his hair & still gets the comments-what then?

Narrow minded twats!

"He shouldn't have to cut his hair and schools should be pro-active in their approach."

This.

Both my DS' have long girly hippy locks and get the odd comment, but they are both fairly sarcastic ( and quite large ) so no-one has ever tried to take it further.

The school should be taking action on this no matter how long his hair is, it's totally irrelevent, as someone said earlier in the thread - would they expect a skin bleaching session if he was being racially abused!

Your ds could be wearing pink glitter high heels and carrying a Chanel handbag and it wouldn't be acceptable to bully him.

WTF does long hair have to do with fancying the same sex anyway?

The school need to get to grips with this. It's not acceptable.

Exactly OP, why should he cut it? Bullies will always come up with some new stupid reason to bully someone.

sleepyhead bcoz if u have long hair u bacome a woman whiz is bad and all woman fancy men!!!!

As I recall your son is in KS2. This cropped up at my sons' school and it was successfully tackled. It was used as an off-the-cuff insult to boys with all sorts of hair cuts, along with "fat" to insult kids with all sorts of BMI's.

Not a fan of long hair myself but that's by the by. I would be outraged if the school suggests he change his appearance. Why do you have this feeling? have they said anything to make you come to this conclusion?

I would not put up with that at all.

Namecalling is totally unacceptable, and your ds should not be expected to change anything about himself.
I hope the school clamp down on this

Ahem...the school havent suggested that he cut his hair

you just 'feel that is what they will suggest'...id be very very surprised if they do suggest that.....why do you think that?

Of course he shouldn't cut his hair, but don't be too surprised if that's what's suggested to you by the school. Sadly, nowadays it seems the onus is on you to do your utmost to blend into the background and avoid bullying.

Talk to the school and give them hell.

can we stop using the skin bleaching analogy. its not the same thing at all

Floggin - that's not my experience. DSs school is pretty hot on verbal bullying

... luckily.

ours too jamie

I suppose because my mother has been wringing her hands and wailing about DS' hair for a while - I did actually have to insist that she wasn't to say anything to him about it.
When I mentioned it to his class teacher last year she was sympathetic and said to let the school know if it happened again.

(Just to clarify, this was on the very last day of term and I didn't expect them to have time to do anything then.)