Bullying and hair.

[solidgoldbrass]

I posted about this last school term - DS has been getting called 'gay' and 'gaylord' at school. I mentioned it to his class teacher then, but it was the last day of term so I hoped it would all be forgotten about (on the kids' part) over the holidays.
Well, it's not been. I have talked with DS about how silly they are to use that as an insult, and how nasty it is to call people names. ANd he has come up with a strategy of just saying 'Pardon? Didn't hear that' repeatedly, which I think is a good one.

And obviously I am going to speak to the school on Monday about it being time for a general reminder about homophobic bullying.

But I have a feeling it's going to be suggested that we make DS have a haircut. He has long fair hair and doesn't want to cut it - and why the fuck should he?

Surely the only reaction from your DS should be to laugh in an in-on-the-joke, eye-rolly, slighly bored sort of way, and then carry on with what he's doing.

My 15yo had gaylord etc when he grew his hair long, he also got egged on the bus and they egged our home.

His response after the school "seemed" to be doing little was to dye his hair blue.........a week later red...........a week later bleached blond.

The bullying stopped.

DS really doesn't give a shit sometimes and the school let him have dyed hair so it worked out I enjoyed helping if he is faced with mild bullying and can't escape he makes jokes til they laugh better than dye

It's easy to say that small children should roll their eyes etc, it's easy to try and reassure them that bullying says more about the bullies than it does about them, but it's very hard for a child to not let some chink of self-doubt in, which can grow. It's also incredibly wearing to deal with it day in day out.

So whilst I think a pithy one-liner would be great, I think it has to be something they are comfortable saying, and the bullies have to be dealt with at school. And you have to build up their self-belief in other ways so they get the confidence to shrug things off. The longer it goes on, the less able children are able to retaliate. which is why it needs to be nipped in the bud.

My son was teased for over a year before I went in and did something about it. I really really regret that. It damaged his self-esteem very badly.

UPdate: I have spoken to DS' class teacher, who was very nice and helpful. She is going to inform the class teacher of the two ringleaders (one of whom is that little sod who actually shouted abuse at DS in the street while I was there), and their class teacher is going to have a word with them.
Absolutely no nonsense about cutting his hair or modifying his behaviour, plenty of reassurance and telling him that if it happened again he is to tell the nearest teacher/DA/dinner supervisor.

So result! DS says he feels much better now.

ah, thats good SGB

Great response from the teacher

Good. I honestly would have been surprised if she'd reacted otherwise.