To think that just because we are related you CANNOT volunteer my services to every fucking person you know

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

Im a self employed accountant, and my aunt keeps volunteering me to do everyone shes knows self-assessments and generally for either free, or for drinks money!!! That in itself pisses me off, but as im crap at confrontation, ive done it and it keeps the peace, and she does do alot for my dad so im usually guilt tripped into being helpful back

Anyway, this morning I get a phone call from the cubs group that my cousins kids go to, they have been given my number by aunt who has volunteered me to do their treasury, bookkeeping & accounts!!!! I mean WTF???!!! The lady on the phone tells me how nice it is of me to volunteer my services, and then goes onto tell me the list of expectations of how frequently I have to attend, and blah blah blah. I nicely tell her that I have not volunteered, that unfortunately I am unable to volunteer and they will have to find someone else to do it, possibly ask my cousin who works as an accountant for a large firm.

Then my aunt rings, and tells me how selfish I am being, how they are only a small newly set up cub group, and how my cousin doesnt have the time, and how its now going to reflect badly on my aunt and cousin because I havent done it. That I have the time to do it (which I do, but I just dont want to) and that im being unreasonable. She gets a bit ranty and I hang up on her! She then rings my dad and bitches to him about me. Dads not well and cant really deal with the hassle and is now asking me if I cant do it to keep the peace.

Ive said no, so now my aunt, cousin, dad and the cub group are all pissed off at me.

AIBU?

Nooooo YANBU. Let them all be pissed off and give your aunt a list of fees should she decide to volunteer you out to someone else. Cheek of some people.

YANBU - your time is precious and its incredibly rude of anyone else to volunteer it

YANBU!!!! Why not volunteer your aunt for doing several time-consuming things and see how she likes it? Cheeky mare.

Yes.

Tell your aunt to fuck off. Your life. Your business and she's bloody rude to volunteer you to do that without even having a chat with her.

Order her to stop bitching to your father and have some respect for his health and his family.

If you put your foot down this one time she may stop doing it. If you don't put your foot down it'll never end!

YANBU. If you want to volunteer to do something then that's your business. She could have at least asked you beforehand.
Don't let her guilt trip you either. Again she is volunteering with your dad. If she doesn't want to do it then she shouldn't. You are not making her help your dad.

Oooooo, yes!

The first post about a list of fees - very clever.

Write one up, print it and send it to her.

Excellent!!

The cub group probably understand your aunt overstepped the mark, so I wouldn't lose sleep over them.

If your cousin's children attend the cub group, I think it's a bit rich that people are expecting you to help, not your cousin.

Unfortunately this is one of the downsides of working from home. I think sometimes we do struggle to be taken seriously

How old are you? Why would your aunt think it ok to ring your dad and complain about you.

I would speak to your aunt and tell her that she is not to volunteer your services to anyone without checking with you first, that it is up to you to volunteer if you want to.

I would also tell her that you are an adult and that running to your parents is just bloody pathetic and to stop treating you like a child.

Cousin has effectively done the same as you by refusing, so point that out and ask why you are being treated differently.

Its your time to do with as you damn well please.

YADNBU....your aunt however is very unreasonable! Tell her never to do it again althought I'm guessing she won't want to be made a fool of again so maybe she won't!

Well the only nice way to look at this is that she is proud of your professional achievements and wants to show you off.

How dare she without asking you first though! She could say 'my lovely, clever niece might be able to help, I'll ask her'. It sounds as though she doesn't value your time and choices and doesn't have much sense of oundaries within the family, seeing you as an extension of her.

Try volunteering her for something?

Oh tell them to get stuffed!
My ILs keep volunteering me to give free pony rides to random kids they know. Because they cant afford to pay for proper lessons! Its bloody annoying. DDs ponies arent machines, and We dont want them messed about with by random strangers. We have to pay a lot, in time and money, to keep and maintain them. Why should we give that away for free.
Dont get me wrong, we do share them, with some truly lovely people, but through our own choice. Those people all donate small amounts towards the ponies upkeep willingly, and provide their own insurance.
Tell your family what your going rate is, and that you wont work for anyone for less! Then IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!

Time to volunteer her for some things I think. She may find out just how annoying it is!

Cheeky cheeky thing!

I would be on the phone saying you worked bloody hard to qualify as an accountant, you're paid x amount per hour and that is what your professional time is worth. And you can find things to volunteer for on your own.

How would she like it if you passed her name to everyone you knew and said she'd be a brilliant loo-cleaner for them?

Tell your aunt to sit the accountancy exams and do it pro bono :o

YANBU does she have any idea how much time such things take?

Y Y Y give your auntie a list of your fees.

Put your foot down.
Tell them to stop volunteering you for things, as it looks bad on them, when you say 'no, it's the first I've heard of it'.

Weather this storm of 'disapproval': you're time is precious and should be rewarded however you see fit.

If you volunteer for anything it should be whatever YOU want to do.

And yes, if she keeps at it, volunteer her to be a loo cleaner - too brilliant little red!

Agree that your aunt is hugely overstepping boundaries here. I would tell her that in future you would like her to stop giving your name to people looking for a free accountant as you are very busy and can find your own charities to work for if you want to help charities.
She is only doing this to get thanked for being helpful and get proxy glory. bad enough if your mother stoops to this sort of stuff, but totally unreasonable of an aunt to try and control you like this.
I would tell your father that you won't do this to keep the peace and feel he should be telling his sister to mind her own business and not volunteer his daughter's services to people without asking her first.
The cubs and scouts have a huge organisation that helps with this sort of stuff.
Things will be unpleasant for a short time but it's worth it for a lifetime of feeling put upon and resenting her.

If you don't want to do it, then you DON'T have the time to do it. You have the time to do other things that you actually want to do. No reason why your spare time is any less precious than anybody else's, and it's not for anyone else to volunteer your time. Sounds like you've handled things with the cub group very well so far. As for it reflecting badly on your aunt and cousin: what reflects badly on them is that your aunt volunteered your services without asking, not that you (quite rightly) put things straight once you found out about it.

Have just seen that your aunt's daughter/son is also an accountant whose kids go to this cub group. Makes the situation even madder. I think distancing yourself from this woman who places so little value on your time or opinions can only be a good thing.

Oh God. YADNBU.

My dad's sister tried this once with me ages ago - not even as serious as what your aunt has done - and my mum went mental at her.

It's ironic because my mum is always getting into a state by agreeing to do things for people that she can't manage. Sometimes she tries to rope me in to help her out of the hole she's dug. In her head that's not the same thing

YANBU. How incredibly rude to volunteer someone else to do something.

I think a list of fees would maybe help your Aunt to take it more seriously to not keep offering your services.

I would also phone her and tell her how annoyed you are that she has dragged your ill father into this when he doesn't need the hassle.

Ugh, she is definitely just doing it to make herself seem useful and connected and get proxy glory like 2rebecca said. What a PITA. It's a big shame that she has dragged your dad into this, but I don't think anyone will think the worse of you - they will just think your aunt is a massive busybody. You need to tell her, and in the most forceful terms possible so she gets it!

Yikes went to get a cuppa wasting my time instead of working

To answer some of the questions.

Im 30. My dad lives with me following a stoke, which is part of the reason I gave up my much more well paid job to become self employed so that I could be around more with him and the DSs. When I first did, because of some other financial crap with my older bro, we really struggled and aunt was really really helpful, and would buy us food and come up and be helpful and all sorts, and doing accounting stuff for people she knew seemed a fair way to repay her. However its now got that its just assumed I will and the numbers are increasing, so far this year I have been volunteered to do 5 self assessments for various friends and family, 1 set of accounts for her hairdresser and financial advice on setting up a limited company for someone she goes to church with.

I think the difficulty is that I could do it as I do have the time to do it, much easily that my cousin could in all fairness. Apparently the group is new, only 6 in it at the moment, and they NEED these people else they cant run the group. I think my aunt does tend to view us as one giant family extension (we are already having hassle over Xmas as ive said I dont want to go to hers this Xmas) and she has always been close to dad, and she does struggle with me being around more. Also her 2 youngest DDs have moved a fair distance away with their partners leaving just her eldest DD, and I think she is feeling a bit lost with only 1 daughter to boss around.

saggy I also have the nonsense with people wanting to ride ponies. I got volunteered to take the ponies to cousins sons school fair because id done it for my own DSs school!

and my this year, I mean this tax year, so since April!