To think that just because we are related you CANNOT volunteer my services to every fucking person you know

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

Im a self employed accountant, and my aunt keeps volunteering me to do everyone shes knows self-assessments and generally for either free, or for drinks money!!! That in itself pisses me off, but as im crap at confrontation, ive done it and it keeps the peace, and she does do alot for my dad so im usually guilt tripped into being helpful back

Anyway, this morning I get a phone call from the cubs group that my cousins kids go to, they have been given my number by aunt who has volunteered me to do their treasury, bookkeeping & accounts!!!! I mean WTF???!!! The lady on the phone tells me how nice it is of me to volunteer my services, and then goes onto tell me the list of expectations of how frequently I have to attend, and blah blah blah. I nicely tell her that I have not volunteered, that unfortunately I am unable to volunteer and they will have to find someone else to do it, possibly ask my cousin who works as an accountant for a large firm.

Then my aunt rings, and tells me how selfish I am being, how they are only a small newly set up cub group, and how my cousin doesnt have the time, and how its now going to reflect badly on my aunt and cousin because I havent done it. That I have the time to do it (which I do, but I just dont want to) and that im being unreasonable. She gets a bit ranty and I hang up on her! She then rings my dad and bitches to him about me. Dads not well and cant really deal with the hassle and is now asking me if I cant do it to keep the peace.

Ive said no, so now my aunt, cousin, dad and the cub group are all pissed off at me.

AIBU?

I have a friend who's a decorator and his mum would volunteer him to paint rooms for random people.

He never minded helping but eventually found that he was turning down paid work to do the stuff he'd been volunteered to do.

Maybe just tell your aunt that she's now crossed the line, you won't help her at all now.

And whoever said about your free time being your free time (not your aunts) is right.

Ok, maybe your aunt isn't as bad as she sounded from you OP and there are extenuating circumstances, but you are still not being at all unreasonable!

your OP

Set up a mates' rates price list. That'll make the point that you don't work for free, as does nobody else. (Unless your a mum that is!)

YADNBU! I get this all the time as I work in an IT department. Never mind that I am not technical. I get mates ringing to ask what's wrong with their PC, phone, broadband.... Standard answer is 'switch it off and on again, if that doesn't work google it'.

Grrrrr

I run a brownie pack and we are always desperate for help. BUT, and it's a huge BUT! You're auntie has really overstepped the mark! As a leader, I'd have been mortified if I'd made that call to you believing you'd volunteered only to discover you hadn't. Your auntie doesn't only owe you an apology, she owes the cub leader one too. YANBU.

A treasurer is an important part of a club though. It is different to just doing accounts, although I wouldn't want anyone offering my services for anything without asking me. If you need an accountant for your self assessment you pay them, otherwise you phone up the tax office for help or read the online stuff.
You don't have to be an accountant to be club treasurer though. i'm treasurer for one of my clubs, but am a member of that group and interested in it. We are struggling to get a treasurer for another but with cubs it's up to the parents of the kids in cups to do the various roles. If it's a small struggling group then maybe it is too small to be viable and should get together with a larger group.
There are lots of needy clubs out there, don't get sucked into helping clubs you don't have a personal interest in. Your aunt could always be treasurer if she is so concerned about it.
I think you need to tell your aunt that you won't do this job and ask her not to volunteer you for any more unpaid work without asking you first.

I'm a cub leader and I do my own accounts! We have an exec committee (as should the cub group who contacted you) and they check my accounts over every term and then arrange to have them audited once a year. Frankly it's ridiculous that they are asking an outsider who has nothing to do with their group to do this job.

YANBU and you're right to put your foot down - enough already, I'm sure you've repaid the kindness tenfold by now

Don't bend on this! If you want to keep doing the odd Self-Assessment fine (although I think you shouldn't because it will send mixed-messages to your aunt) but treasury, bookkeeping and accounts is massive! Also, you don't need to be an accountant to do most of it, so you need to stop feeling that you are the only person in the world that can help this group, IYSWIM.

You've stood up for yourself and know you're feeling a little bit wobbly because you've never done it before (to her) but now is the time to stick to your guns.

X post with Robot, but exactly that - volunteering to audit the accounts once a year is one thing, but actually becoming a regular volunteer doing the weekly work is quite another.

YANBU. This is your profession, you have invested time and money in getting the right qualifications. You deserve to be paid appropriately for any work you do. If you choose to publish some "mates rates" concessions that you are prepared to levy for charities or family and friends then that's fair enough, but TBH I'd just give her a copy of your normal hourly rates and say anyone that is willing to pay those please feel free to pass on your business card.
I'm a vet and have any number of queries from vague acquaintances about their pets - I'm happy to give advice, which is usually along the lines of "take Fido to the vet" but then I'd give free advice over the phone at work to anyone who phoned up. If they want me to see their animal, examine it, make a diagnosis, recommend some treatment then that's £30 and my appointment hours are....
You need to preserve your self respect and draw a line in the sand - you are not at her beck and call.

YANBU - but maybe to keep the peace you could agree to do this job but make it clear to your aunt that it is absolutely the last time and she is not to volunteer your free services any more. But you're well within your rights not to even to this job and your aunt is being cheeky expecting you to.

Id say to your aunt that she can give people your phone number/email address as a recommendation. Tell your aunt though that you will be charging these people as its your job.

I agree that if you hold firm on this occasion she will hopefully think twice before volunteering your services again in future!

You need to start charging anyone your aunt sends your way. Explain you are happy to do the work but have mouths to feed and can't afford to work for free.

Xmas - if you live near each other (walking distance) could you do Xmas "drinks" instead in the evening, rather than Christmas Dinner all together? May be a good compromise?

Don't do the cubs accounts. They will grow as a group eventually and you will feel tied. The cubs lady will be embarrassed at that phone call but it's really not your fault, it's your aunts!

My father had a habit of offering my driving services to friends and family, especially my uncle who cares for my elderly grandfather. Dad felt bad that he wasn?t around to help, so tried to make himself feel better by saying things like, ?Don?t worry about taking Dad to the GP tomorrow, Craic will do it? without clearing it with me first. I ended up telling him that I don?t mind doing these things, but it would be nice to let me offer once in a while rather than be backed into a corner.

Perhaps if you point out that you?ve helped many of her friends and family before, but now you?re going to have to cut down due to caring for your dad, the DS?s and running your own business. Being a treasurer for a club, no matter how worthy, is a big commitment. More suitable for someone retired, closely linked to the club and with a lot of time on their hands?..does she know anyone like that?

But if you have all these 'voluntary'calls on your time, it will take out time that you frankly need to be putting into building up your self-employment contacts. You need to be doing these things for paying customers!

you are mother being unreasonable at all!! fancy doing my accounting for free though hahaha.
Seriously family do take the mik sometimes when it comes to professional knowledge and it would get on my nerves people asking all the time and feeling obliged to say yes.
My bil was seeing a hair dresser and she was constantly cutting his family's hair, its ripping the piss.

No YANBU at all!!! You need to say no and stick to it otherwise she's always going to do it and try and pressure you into doing what you dont want too. Tell her if the club really want you to it then you can give them quotes on how much t will cost for your services first

Your aunt is a cheeky fucking bitch.

I cannot comprehend how anyone would think this is acceptable.

OP if she does point out that "you do have the time on your hands to do it", perhaps you should gently explain to her that as you are self-employed, the time you would spend working for free is conflicting with the time you need to earn a living and support your household. That you left your job to spend more time with your father and DS, not volunteering and working for nothing, and you have to prioritise your work, and your family, over attending cub scout meetings and doing strangers' tax returns.

As in MrsRajesh's example with the decorator friend, you are sacrificing paid work time, and family time, in order to do free work, and you cannot sustain that level of involvement without your household suffering for it.

I volunteered my DP's services once and he was fuming with me afterwards. Never again.

DP is a full qualified Joiner/carpenter but doesnt work in the trade anymore. A woman I worked with was a single mum struggling to make ends meet. She had a new door that needed fitting and couldnt afford to pay anyone to fit it for her. So like a div, I volunteered DP, as hanging a door takes about 30 mins max.

He goes to her house and it is a bloody front door, he had to makes holes for all the locks, the letter box etc. Everytime he was trying to hang the heavy door one of her (teenage) kids would want out of the door, so he had to put his tools down and the door down whilst they were puffing and eye rolling waiting for him to move. Then he could hear them moaning in the living room that they were cold - well of course, there was no front door!

He was there for 4 hours and wasnt even offered a cup of tea or got a thanks when he had finished. He did get given a broom though, to sweep up after himself.

I never offered his services again as I felt so bad for him. I really didnt think it would take 4 hours!

The woman I worked with was dropping massive hints after that about him coming round to do more work, I just ignored her and she stopped asking.

YANBU at all. Your Aunt has volunteered your services without you knowing, the cubs should be pissed off to her. Keep your stance dnt back down. Life is not free, you should print off your price list and give it to your Aunt