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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be bloody annoyed with MIL?

85 replies

TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 12/09/2012 19:12

Dropped DD off at MILs at 1pm, I mentioned she had nappy rash because she did a poo in the night and I didn't discover it till about 7.30 this morning. DD had a fresh nappy on at 11am, and I've just got her changed for bed and found that she was still in the nappy I last put her in! Her poor bits are red raw :(

MIL has had 4 DC of her own so I find it really difficult to believe that she didn't think it needed changing in 7 hours when she knew about the rash.

Aibu to be bloody pissed off about this? DP didn't even say anything when I told him, she can do no wrong in his eyes. I swear he thinks he's still attatched to her apron strings Hmm

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 13/09/2012 10:08

Really, you should have changed her nappy just before you dropped her off at MILs. You should have mentioned that she had nappy rash. You should have mentioned that you would have liked her to be changed frequently. However, you should also be prepared for her not to want to look after DD any more if you say anything now. Either leave your DC with someone you trust or don't leave them with the person. I agree with you about the Vimto and that probably didn't help the nappy rash at all. Perhaps you could ask her to give watered down fruit juice rather than squashes if she has to give DD anything at all.

Perhaps she wants to save you money as she thinks nappies are expensive. You could mention that you don't mind how many times the nappy is changed.

The bottom line is, though, that she's doing you a big favour and you have to tread carefully if you want that to continue. Whatever you do decide to say, don't do it over the phone, do it face to face.

BeauNeidel · 13/09/2012 10:13

Seriously? The Vimto is worse than leaving a child in a wringing wet nappy when she is already sore with nappy rash? Teeth can be cleaned and there will be no lasting damage, children have been removed from neglectful parents for having awful nappy rash.

I would be very cross and upset tbh about the nappy. If it was my mum, I can't imagine I would need to say more than once that my child was very sore and upset because her nappy hadn't been changed all day for her to feel bad and make sure it was done in the future. I imagine it would be harder to say to my MIL but I find it odd in the extreme that anyone just wouldn't do it anyway.

TubbyDuffs · 13/09/2012 10:20

Have you spoken to MIL yet? Are you sure MIL didn't have her nappy free for the day and then stuck the same one back on before sending her back to you?

Just asking, as that is something my mum would have done. If I'd mentioned nappy rash, she would have taken nappy off for "fresh air to get to the area" and wouldn't dream of throwing away a mostly unused nappy.

PooPooOnMars · 13/09/2012 10:28

It really riles me when people say oh but you can't tell people what to do if they are doing it for free.... Yes you bloody well can, it's your child, and it's not like your mil derives no benefit at all from having her, I bet she loves spending time with her gd, but she should adhere to your rules.

I completely agree. From what i can tell though that doesn't happen in the real world, only on mn. I see the same attitude applied to anything that involves money or a favour that is saving you money such a babysitting. But again only on here. Weird.

I also agree with whoever mentioned the weird attitude of the drink being worse than the nappy rash! Nappy rash can be really awful. My two had it a lot and would go from fine to bleeding in an hour!

PooPooOnMars · 13/09/2012 10:29

IloveJudgeJudy She did mention she had nappy rash, it says so in the op.

TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 13/09/2012 10:42

JudgeJudy did you not read the first sentence in my OP?

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 13/09/2012 16:13

Agreed that nappy rash is horrible (DS has really sensitive skin - eczema and keratosis pilaris) so he used to get it nastily as well. It's really painful and definitely not to be dismissed, and I understand that that's an issue. But it won't affect DD's longterm health, and it's likely that the MIL just doesn't know gel filled nappies aren't a miracle of modern technology that mean they don't need changing until they poo - a lot of the older generation, used to terry ones, think that until educated differently. So getting a child used to sweet drinks instead of water/milk is more serious, IMO, because oral hygiene won't alter a palate that gets used to those. I have a sweet tooth yet still hate sugary drinks, because we never got them, and I am inordinately grateful for it now. Kids raised by my aunt, who had them all the time, inhale diet coke as adults. I definitely think that encouraging that is more serious, because nappies won't be an issue in another year and the MIL will shift on that one if explained, almost certainly.

She won't think there is a positive to nappy rash. She does the soft drinks.

OP from all you've said your MIL adores your DD and is otherwise great with her so if you gently explain about the nappies needing to be changed as soon as they are even a tiny little bit squidgy between the legs, before they get swollen (that's how I explained it to my Mum!) she should go with that. Like I say, her generation are so used to amazing technological advances since they had kids that they seem to think nappies are amongst them! And a dentist may be useful on the sweet drinks front. Couldn't agree more with you on that one. It isn't just oral hygiene - it's a lifetime's diet. Kids given sweet drinks young will end up preferring them to water/milk, IMO. I don't think people take sugar intake seriously enough - salt and fat, yes, sugar, no.

Finally, ignore the cretins on here. AIBU is treated by some as a free reign opportunity to be spiteful. IMO it's their own personal inadequacies being so publicly displayed, so I really wouldn't lose sleep over it. In future if you want support or help, I'd post on either Relationships or Parenting, where people are of a mindset to try to help. AINBU is for frivolous stuff really - if you care, go to a legitimate help area.

deakymom · 14/09/2012 17:26

been there banned the mil from watching again i put my daughter in a nappy she went to nannys came home and was swimming in pee i mean literally opened the snow-suit and it flooded out (onto my bed) apparently she had gone out with the pushchair and not even taken her out of the snow suit all afternoon then she lied and said she had everyone insisted i gave her another chance so i sent her in a terrys nappy and only put disposables in the bag NOW try saying you changed her!

TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 14/09/2012 17:52

deaky that's awful! Your poor DD! Did she come back home in the terrys nappy?

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 14/09/2012 22:41

God, Deaky. That's terrible. No excuse at all with terries, either - not like you can't tell. Your poor child.

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