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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bloody annoyed with MIL?

85 replies

TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 12/09/2012 19:12

Dropped DD off at MILs at 1pm, I mentioned she had nappy rash because she did a poo in the night and I didn't discover it till about 7.30 this morning. DD had a fresh nappy on at 11am, and I've just got her changed for bed and found that she was still in the nappy I last put her in! Her poor bits are red raw :(

MIL has had 4 DC of her own so I find it really difficult to believe that she didn't think it needed changing in 7 hours when she knew about the rash.

Aibu to be bloody pissed off about this? DP didn't even say anything when I told him, she can do no wrong in his eyes. I swear he thinks he's still attatched to her apron strings Hmm

OP posts:
panicnotanymore · 12/09/2012 20:03

Well you can't complain really, as she is doing you a favour. I'd suggest that next (if there is a next) time you give her the clean nappies at drop off, and say 'please can you change DD x number of times... it's really important as she has a sore bottom.'

If she doesn't after that you'll just have to accept she isn't up to the job and make alternative arrangements.

Please don't complain to her, or your DH, it'll cause bad feeling.

Original poster
TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 12/09/2012 20:04

The thing is, DD loves going there. There is only one thing (besides the nappy thing) that annoys me that MIL does. She thinks I'm cruel for not giving DD juice (she's perfectly happy with water!) so she completely ignores her beaker of water I always send and gives her juice. Today she was drinking vimto. She's 15mo ffs! But tbh it is 1 afternoon a week so I just try and ignore it.

But I am really pissed off about this.

OP posts:
JollyJellyBear · 12/09/2012 20:06

Actually, maybe my mil and mum just don't understand disposable nappies then. That makes more sense.

Socknickingpixie · 12/09/2012 20:14

panic so when exactly would you be able to say something to someone who is doing you a favor?

Original poster
TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 12/09/2012 20:17

Panic it already has caused bad feeling, the bad feeling being DDs even worse nappy rash.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 12/09/2012 20:18

That does make more sense Jolly! Grin

Perhaps they believe those ridiculous adverts and think that the disposable can absorb large volumes of wee without being wet next to baby's skin! Which is rather what the advert hype implies ...

panicnotanymore · 12/09/2012 20:22

That's my point, you can't complain to someone who is doing you a favour unless they do something you have asked them not to. One is criticising their capabilities (which will go down like a lead balloon and quite likely result in a big huff), the other they'll know they are in the wrong as you asked in advance.

So the juice thing I'd have words about, but I wouldn't mention the nappy issue now. I'd be clear about nappy requirements in future though (I have hyper sensitive family.... this approach has saved me many a row Grin)

CoolaSchmoola · 12/09/2012 20:24

I'd be pissed off too - but I am also wondering if she had a spare nappy lurking as she has her every week? Maybe she noticed you'd gone to purple active fit (yay Elmo) and thought she ought to use up her green ones?

You won't know unless you ask her.

When you told your MIL about the nappy rash did you tell her you'd last changed her two hours before you dropped DD off? If not she might have assumed that it was clean on when you brought her. She would still have been in it too long, but it wouldn't have been as long IYSWIM? I'd still be mentioning it though - perhaps saying something like "could you change her every two hours please as I find it keeps her from getting sore".

As for the juice thing - I don't like the idea of squash as it's either high sugar or aspartame neither of which I'm keen on. I'd be livid if someone gave my DD Vimto. Maybe you could get some Hipp Organic Fruit Tea granules for babies? No added sugar, no sweeteners and full of vitamins and anti-oxidants - massively popular in Germany as it's all natural. I give my DD this when I don't give her water. Perhaps your MIL would compromise and give her something like that?

The other thing I thought is maybe the Vimto made her nappy rash worse? Certain things do with my DD - watermelon is evil!

PooPooOnMars · 12/09/2012 20:25

Are you sure she didn't have a spare green nappy at her house?

panicnotanymore · 12/09/2012 20:26

Oh for goodness sake, I'll piss off, I'm not being helpful.

I meant bad feeling on MILs part, and once she is pissed off you have lost a childminder. She's doing you a favour.... she was a bit rubbish.... so give her instructions or use someone else. Don't complain at her unless you want to cause a row. It's actually quite nice of her to mind DD to give you a break.

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 12/09/2012 20:31

cut it down to 3 hours? thats still enough time to go for a swim/get hair trimmed/sit in a coffee shop mumsnetting.. whatever floats your boat me-time wise and not too long for nappies or juice to matter too much?

Original poster
TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 12/09/2012 20:44

I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have had a spare nappy at her house, if she does have spare nappies they would be huggies as that's what BILs DS has and MIL is his childminder. Also MIL only ever fastens 2 out of 3 poppers on DDs vest, and when I undressed her I noticed all 3 were done up which I thought was strange. And the nappy was bulging, you could tell it had been on for hours.

OP posts:
RabidCarrot · 12/09/2012 20:54

Stop sending your child there

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 12/09/2012 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Goldmandra · 12/09/2012 21:02

No YANBU. I would have been livid too.

You're just going to have to let it go for the sake of peace and harmony.

I would also be livid about the Vimto - doesn't DH care enough about DD's teeth to say something?

I think I'd forfeit my 'me time' on any days she has nappy rash in the future. Just call and say "Sorry DD won't be able to come today. Her bottom is very sore and I need to be able to give her lots of nappy changes. Thanks anyway."

Fakebook · 12/09/2012 21:07

Metanium.

Fakebook · 12/09/2012 21:09

YABU for wanting "me" time when you're a sahm and you don't like your mil's baby sitting technique. How many children do you have?

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 12/09/2012 21:09

so what do you want out of this OP?

you know that noone will say its reasonable to leave a rashey child in a nappy for 7 hours

but what do you want?
do you want to talk to her and set more rules?
do you want to stop taking her up on the free child care?
or do you just want to moan and do nothing?

princelypurpleparrot · 12/09/2012 21:26

Why are people being so mean to the OP for having her MIL give her a break? It's nice for GM and GD to spend time together, it's probably a good deal for all. And I can completely understand why the OP would want one afternoon a week to herself. I'd love that!

OP yes it was wrong of your MIL not to change her, and I'd be fuming. But you have to tread lightly, be very tactful, and just spell out exactly what you need her to do from now on. My MIL does lots of things that drive me barmy, but I have to take the softly-softly approach to keep the peace.

CoolaSchmoola · 12/09/2012 21:27

I'm sorry but I'm confused...

The more I think about it the more I wonder why you didn't change your DD before you took her to MIL if the nappy rash was that bad? Your OP says that the nappy had been on two hours before you even left her with MIL - so surely she was already wet by the time she got there? Particularly as it was around lunch time so she must have had a drink?

No your MIL shouldn't have left her that long - but nearly a THIRD of that time she was with you, so if her nappy rash was worse then that two hours has to have contributed to it? If you'd changed her just before dropping her off that's two hours less she would have been in the same nappy.

DoMeDon · 12/09/2012 21:34

The thing about nasty nappy rash is that wee doesn't really do any harm. Wiping it with wet wipes would've made it worse in fact. I would ask her to give nappy off time, next time she has a rash, and explain why.

The vimto thing is dire. Can you no give her some literature on teeth rotting or something and explain why water is the best drink of all although my DD only drinks squash

PooPooOnMars · 12/09/2012 22:29

I agree with princelypurpleparrot.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 12/09/2012 23:01

YABU for wanting "me" time when you're a sahm Who's a what now? I wish people would get off their crosses a bit. Whenever there is a thread about a Dad wanting to go skiing for two weeks without his family it is all, "he needs a break", "he works hard". OP, have a break, just let your MIL know if there is an issue beforehand.

holyfishnets · 12/09/2012 23:51

Request that baby has nappy free time and Sudocrem applied half way through day?

zipzap · 12/09/2012 23:58

I think next time she babysits or it's convenient to tell her, I'd make a point of telling her that her actions caused her gd to experience unnecessary pain that was directly due to her and that she wouldn't have if her nappy had been changed like you had asked her to. And that would she please please this time change her to reduce the likelihood of this ever happening again.

Do you know if she treats her other gc like this when she is childminding him?