to admit to liking porn

[OneMoreChap]

I did recently, in a pub I frequent, and was met with derision by most of the female patrons.

There were a number of red(dish) faces, when I said I like my porn written, as the pictures were better, and no-one was exploited.

There were more red faces when I asked if any of them had heard of 50 shades of Grey?

[Incidentally, I worry about kids brought up on modern visual porn from the limited exposure I have had to it [the odd stag do and the like]; the women don't look like women; I've never heard any women say the things they do; and all the men are - I presume - unfeasibly large and endowed with superhuman endurance, and an antipathy to condoms and limited ideas of how to experience orgasm]

MySpanielHell Wed 12-Sep-12 21:04:30
I don't understand the conversation you had or why people's faces only got read when you mentioned written porn. Can you explain?

Because they didn't identify 50SoG as smut?

Most people call videos, photos etc of people having sex porn and call writing about sex erotica.

See, must be an age thing, I didn't know that...

So I would expect people to be confused, or to think you were confused and be embarrassed for you.

Nah, not that lot.

I don't think I'd talk in a pub about what types of erotica I read though, at least not to all and sundry.

As indicated, not all and sundry.

Yes, I think smut is a good term that covers pretty much everything and definitely includes 50SOG.

Why am I ignorant? And I'm no legal eagle but from my understanding of what constitutes illegal porn, from the UK definition, that I don't view anything illegal and none of what I understand to be illegal, appeals either.

Lucie - oh dear, you ARE ignorant - in SO many ways. Go and do some research love and prepare to be horrified by the porn industry.

Yes, porn can be a turn on but it is wrong on so many levels, starting with the exploitation and leading to other issues as well as densisitising people to sex, how people should look and act and the frightening impact of young people. Porn is an addictive and dangerous thing - visual porn that is.

Actually this is a GREAT thread. Because the OP does have a point, even if s/he has farted around with it a bit. The point is definitions. Broadly speaking, most people used to (if they were bothered about it at all) consider text as 'erotica' and 'porn' to mean visual stuff. There have always been some people who consider the stuff that they like as 'erotica' and the stuff that other common people like as 'porn'.

This is being nicely demonstrated by the people having a go at LucieMay, who hasn't specified AT ALL what s/he actually likes to look at, other than saying it's a 'bit dogdy'. This could mean slash fiction, actual erect penises (which used to be the UK definition of HARDcore illegal) crush porn (which nearly everyone thinks is dodgy) pansexual material or images of abuse. Human sexuality is really diverse, so are the representations of it and the presentations of aspects of it for entertainment. If you want to be 'anti-porn' then you actually need to understand what the fuck you are talking about before you start calling for censorship.

And now some people are calling 50 Shades porn when it meets some definitions but not others - the main one it doesn't meet is that it is WORDS not PICTURES. That doesn't mean it isn't crap. That does mean that the only valid argument against 'porn' - that the performers may be harmed in the production of it - doesn't apply.

i like written erotica. I enjoy(ed) the Black Lace books. Couldnt stand 50 Shades though but apparently people are reporting something called the 50 Shades effect.
Its the fact that women are wanting and demanding better sex than they have previously been getting.
But what pisses me off are the fact that people are calling it shocking. As in shocking that women want sex to be better. Why the fuck is it a shock that women should enjoy and want sex and expect orgasms just like men do.
50 Shades might be badly written but it has opened up the debate around this issue and questioned the mysogynistic beliefs in some areas of society and i see that as a good thing.

Ive seen the odd clip of the Anna Span films quite a while ago. The films she does are intended to appeal to women.

However, shit though 50 shades is, it's done wonders for those of us who write the good stuff (is happily anticipating meeting with publisher in a fortnight's time )

solid i cant wait to find out more about this. When youre ready x

Well, some may consider it shit but it's sold 20 million copies and that is alot (and that was in july so probably more now)

SGB, I wouldn't agree that's the 'only' valid argument against porn. Why so? What are the others you've considered and chucked out?

If women are asking for better sex as a result of reading 50 shades, as dark says ... well, obviously that is a good thing (though your jaw drops a little bit to think what was going on before, or what they'd ask for if they are something that was actually sexy). But it's also feeding into the wider Twilight/pop culture/Chris Brown culture of 'violent man=sexy', IMO.

I did recently, in a pub I frequent, and was met with derision by most of the female patrons.

There were a number of red(dish) faces, when I said I like my porn written, as the pictures were better, and no-one was exploited.

There were more red faces when I asked if any of them had heard of 50 shades of Grey?

See, if you did this on a thread it would be a drip feed and drip feeding is no less fucking annoying because it's in real life. It's worse because they'd have had to see you smugly grinning at them.

There is nothing worse than somebody concealing facts while trying to have a discussion. It instantly signals to me that someone doesn't respect me intellectually. They don't want a debate/discussion between equals, they want to "educate" me because they think they know more than I do. I do not appreciate someone playing the wise professor in a tutorial with a clueless undergrad when they speak to me.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Thu 13-Sep-12 09:06:38
I do not appreciate someone playing the wise professor in a tutorial with a clueless undergrad when they speak to me.

Thanks, prof!

That's true, it does feel a bit as if you thought you were cleverly setting them up to be embarrassed.

How incredibly creepy of you to announce that then try to embarrass.

Poor women. :( They must have been so uncomfortable. As AnyFucker said, at least you have the self awareness to know you're the weirdo who makes people uncomfortable in the pub.

Shudders This thread is too weird for me. Time to hide it.

TonyDanza I'm with you on this one, the OP made me feel a bit irritable and I wasn't even there.

x-Post LRD...Glad I'm not the only one who saw straight through that!

Now I'm hiding before the creepy comments continue start.

HoldMe:

One word. Mansplaining.

Okay, now I'm really off as I can see this thread will piss me off too much and I've had a good day!

Would that I had thought of that! No, it was something that piqued my interest, hearing my friend behind the bar going on about what - to me - sounds like unpleasant porn.

There's an apparent issue in how porn/erotica/smut is regarded, and I wondered if it was sheerly male/female based. And yes, for badness, I decided to get a reaction. I was in the pub last night, in fact, and we talked about unionisation. [I'm in favour, FWIW].

I posted in here [specifically AIBU] to get some discussion going when I was reminded about the conversation ranting about body image. [Like the mouthwash ad, where a woman disrobes? Eeew]

You seem a like you're trying to be very right-on and feminist-y, but personally I feel you're falling more in the area of odd and cringey.
Hiding thread I think.

scentednappyhag Thu 13-Sep-12 09:24:04
You seem a like you're trying to be very right-on and feminist-y

shudders at both terms...

but personally I feel you're falling more in the area of odd and cringey.

Certainly, odd, I'll stipulate.

Hiding thread I think

It's ok, I didn't think you came across as feministy at all.

There are perhaps elements of attitudes to sexual material that differ between men and women, but some elements are the same for both. Almost everyone would have a different attitude to my niece sitting on the sofa reading 50SOG in front of my children and her grandparents for 3 days running than they would do to her watching porn videos in the same situation.

I think it does come across (although you perhaps don't mean it to and didn't intend your comments in this way) that you can make a point about written sexual material and embarrass women, as if women have never really thought about what they consume, why and what the ethics and social meaning of that consumption are.

I think that is because there is a bit of an issue with people thinking that 50SOG is somehow the beginning of erotica for women, which is bizarre when it has come out of a fanfic community, where women talk about and write erotica together.

My exposure was largely to slash/fic oddly enough Xander/Spike Angel/Spike.

I think in large part many people (both genders) have never really thought about what they consume, why and what the ethics and social meaning of that consumption are... I'd never thought about why I preferred text until much later in life.

LRD: Arguments that are not valid include: that porn is 'degrading' or 'demeaning', or that it gives out Bad Messages. Because these are entirely subjective.