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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School photo

91 replies

Piplysmelie · 12/09/2012 12:30

My DD started Reception this week and yesterday she came out of school with an informative leaflet for parents. The leaflet had a group photo on the front page of all the children in my dd class. My issue is that my daughter in sitting there in the front row with her skirt rucked up to her waist with legs akimbo. AIBU to think this is an entirely inappropriate photo for the school to have taken let alone sent out to parents. The leaflet will sit on people's fridges for the term as it has important dates in and may well be shown around family and friends. TBH it makes me feel slightly ill to think my dd is being viewed in this position by gods knows who.

If you have any suggestions on how to deal with this at the school I would appreciate it.

OP posts:

rasputin · 12/09/2012 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Extrospektiv · 12/09/2012 13:49

YABU.

COCKadoodledooo · 12/09/2012 16:13

Ds1 is in his with his hair all disheveled and his shirt half in half out. Wouldn't have been him otherwise!

YABU imo, I suspect other people will neither notice nor care.

firawla · 12/09/2012 16:15

yanbu i wouldn't be too happy with this either but putting your dd in shorts under her skirt will be a good idea for future if you know she might pull her skirt like this?

JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 12/09/2012 16:18

Did you sign a permission slip for her photo to be taken and distributed in this way?

I haven't got girls so I'm not sure how I'd feel about this. If I'm honest I probably wouldn't like it either - I'd have expected someone to notice - we don't let girls wander around with their skirts tucked into their knickers at school and this is a similar sort of issue

RuleBritannia · 12/09/2012 16:24

NatashaBee

I totally agree with you. Any girl, however young, should learn that legs should be together. It's unladylike to be otherwise and have boys and men people looking curiously at you.

I worked at a girls' secondary school once and many several times, I felt that I ought to tell girls, sitting on chairs in short skirts, to put their knees together. OP apart because her DD is so young, it says something about their background.

rasputin

Be thankful the finger was not in the nose.

JamieandOscarSittingInATree

Permission slip is a good point. Was there one? If not, why not if the photo is going to all parents involved?

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2012 16:26

I don't see what the permission slip has to do with it?

Obviously the OP would have signed one or her DD wouldn't be in the photo

But having signed it, doesn't mean she'll automatically be happy with her DD's 'pose'.

Not that I think there's anything wrong it it...she should probably make her wear tights if she's this bothered.

JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 12/09/2012 16:27

Worra- because schools have to gain permission. That's all - just checking.

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2012 16:30

Sorry Jamie I should have said I was replying to this post "You must have signed the consent form for her picture to be taken. You must also have chose her outfit"

Expecting you all to be psychic

JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 12/09/2012 16:31

Sirzy · 12/09/2012 16:40

Yabu, photos of reception children always have children showing knickers or whatever. It would take a week to get everyone sat perfectly!

WhatYouLookingAt · 12/09/2012 16:46

I don't see how you could see a childs stomach if they are sitting down, unless she had pulled her skirt over her head?

whois · 12/09/2012 20:26

YABU

She's 4, no one cares about seeing her pants. If you do care, send her in thick tights or shorts.

flyingspaghettimonster · 12/09/2012 21:23

If she wasn't sat there with her hand down her knickers I would leave it. We had a birthday party when my sister was about 6; in all the photos of the picnic there is a little girl having a thorough rummage in her unmentionables. Really gross and we had to throw all the pics out. We always wondered if it was worms, thrush or just a bad habit... But never had her over for tea again.

cubbie · 12/09/2012 21:46

YANBU

I would NOT be happy about this at all, I think it's a really inappropriate picture to send out to parents. I speak as a teacher and a parent of 2 young DS, one of whom has just started school.

I find it hard to believe that a) their uniforms etc weren't straightened up beforehand by either the staff or the photographer (in my school, we always check their ties, shirts tucked in etc)

b) the HT ALLOWED this picture to go on a newsletter which was sent out to all the parents regardless of whether you signed a consent form.

As far as I'm concerned, every child's dignity should be protected, and in this case, it wasn't. I'd be furious myself. My school would NEVER in a million years send out a pic where some child's underwear was showinglike this. I can't believe other posters think this is ok.

(My laptop keeps freezing, so am going to have to shutdown.)

I'll say it again, YANBU!!!!

Sirzy · 12/09/2012 21:49

Cubbie, I am intrigued as to how you manage to get every child in a photo of reception children on one of their first days in a perfect position for photos all smart, sat perfectly etc etc.

Unless you have one adult with each child who quickly jumps out the way for the photo it is practically impossible otherwise.

piratecat · 12/09/2012 21:57

how are her legs akimbo and straight out at the same time.

exoticfruits · 12/09/2012 22:05

I doubt if anyone will notice.

amck5700 · 12/09/2012 22:46

I have boys so maybe don't get the issue here, but does your daughter go swimming in a swimsuit or wear one to the beach in public? Can't see the difference between that and pants myself. She's a small child, mine used to run about bollock naked at that age if they got away with it.

ExitPursuedByABear · 12/09/2012 22:51

Child shows knickers.

MySpanielHell · 12/09/2012 22:51

'I totally agree with you. Any girl, however young, should learn that legs should be together. It's unladylike to be otherwise and have boys and men people looking curiously at you.'

Is this a well known rule? Nobody ever told me about this and I haven't noticed odd looks.

QuangleWangleQuee · 12/09/2012 22:55

Perish the thought that a 4 year old should be "unladylike"

Devora · 12/09/2012 23:00

My two constantly have legs akimbo, knickers to the world. Isn't that one of the privileges of being that age?

flyingspaghettimonster, you are joking, right? You didn't really throw out photos and ban a child from your home because she put her hand in her knickers?

flyingspaghettimonster · 13/09/2012 00:24

Devora, why would I be joking? I was 11 and it stuck with me all these years - we sat round to go through the party photos, noticed it on the first one of the meal, laughed, then gradually got more and more grossed out by the last one. Of course my parents couldn't hand out copies to the parents like we usually did after a party - nobody needs to see a picture of what looks like a child masturbating. At the meal. Bear in mind these photos were taken rom across the picnic blanket, from near ground level. She was almost exactly oposite the camera so a very clear view - I can only assume my Mum didn't notice because she was trying to photograph the food and kids faces...

We didn't invite her back for tea that I know of. Partly because we knew where her hand would be between taking food items - she certainly didn't go wash her hands during the meal before sharing bowls of crisps, mini sausages etc... and largely because of her horrible manners. She took 6 of those foil covered swiss rolls and piled them all on her plate and ate them all herself, even though there were clearly only enough for one per person. 6!!! I remember that 20 years on.

What would you have done - mentioned it to the parents? Or pretended it never happened and get rid of the pictures? That's what we did. I think a 6 year old should know better than that.

omfgkillmenow · 13/09/2012 00:32

YANBU nobody likes a bad photo. signing a permission slip for your child's photo to be taken is not signing permission for her photo to be taken with her pants exposed. Id get down there and tell them that you will withdraw permission for any photos which will feck them right up because someone has done this at our school and we are not allowed to take cameras to school plays, sports days etc and it has caused a huge ruckus with parents going ballistic so get them told. Dont accept it that so what she is 5 nonsense people are peddling on here, its your child, if you feel the photo is unacceptable tell them that you are going to sue thier arse that should get them moving

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