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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to be expected to do what hasnt been done 4 me

63 replies

quest12 · 12/09/2012 00:05

netmums i would appreciate your views pls good or bad!

i have 2 children aged 10 and 9 and have struggled as a mum with little support from my family, i have 2 sisters who have had dogs for the last 6 years, they often call to each others house if they are going to the park to take both dogs but neither wud think of calling me and taking my kids, i have often asked them both to babysit and get the reply that they are no gud with kids only dogs!!! anyway both are pregnant now due around same time and at my sisters the other day they was both saying as how i didnt work fridays they were counting on me to have their babies once maternity was over every friday saying they were made up i was off as it wud save them nursery fees as there both going back full time, they were also saying how convenient it was that i worked term time as i could have them school hols wen they start an pick them up as im part time - now neither of them have EVER bothered to look after my kids or take them anywhere an im thinkin in 5 years wen their kids are at school mine will be nearly leaving an ive done the school pickups an hols myself (and at times its been a struggle) my younger sister was unemployed 3 yrs ago just b4 christmas and i asked her to pick my kids up for 2 days so i cud do overtime to get their gifts and she refused saying "i dont do kids" am i well within my rights to tell them that ive been there done that and wont be having their babies fridays and looking after them in school hols? my sentence to them was gonna be il do for yours wot uve done 4 mine!!! am i evil?

OP posts:

Original poster

quest12 · 12/09/2012 00:08

sorry i meant mumsneters

OP posts:

KellyMarieTunstall · 12/09/2012 00:09

I am not now - nor have I ever been ,a NETMUM

Randomchocolatebiscuit · 12/09/2012 00:11

Seen as there going bak 2 wrk an there no gud wiv kids I wud agree that u shud luk after there kids wen they go bak 2 work.
U wud be evil not too, u no

heyannie · 12/09/2012 00:12

Some people like dogs more than kids, so I don't judge them for their pre-maternity stance of not babysitting. As for their expectation that you will now babysit their kids, if I were you I would tell them to go whistle...

Original poster

quest12 · 12/09/2012 00:13

sorry kelly marie ive had a few drinks after hearing this and being really annoyed typing error!!! but what dya think about my (takin the piss in my eyes) sisters?

OP posts:

EchoBitch · 12/09/2012 00:14

Just say no.

Softlysoftly · 12/09/2012 00:14

Forgetting what's happened in the past Fridays and school holidays is a large ask so if you don't want to then don't!

heyannie · 12/09/2012 00:15

Who would look after the dogs when they're at work? They could put the kids in kennels.

Jinsei · 12/09/2012 00:16

Well, you may be flamed for calling us netmums but you are not being unreasonable. Your sisters are taking the piss, and the word that you're looking for is "no".

As we like to say here on MN not NM, "no" is a complete sentence. You are under no obligation to help them, and you don't have to justify your decision. :)

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2012 00:18

I can't stop laughing at 'Netmums'

Whilst wouldn't hold their pre baby feelings against them, I wouldn't want to be their unpaid help either.

So YANBU to not want to do it....however for the sake of family relations I would just explain that you're not up for babysitting other people's kids...rather than go with the 'I'll do for yours what you've done for mine' stance.

WelshMaenad · 12/09/2012 00:18

Find something to do on Fridays.

Abs in the nicest way possible, PARAGRAPHS ARE GOOD.

ZacharyQuack · 12/09/2012 00:18

Just tell them "I don't do babies"

KellyMarieTunstall · 12/09/2012 00:20

Randomchocolatebiscuit

Okay - they are being really unfair setting out their expectations of you without your input. In true mumsnetters fashion "NO" is a complete sentence. You then just have to make sure you are not available when they have decreed they will require your services.

Or you charge them the same as a nursery for your time.

Original poster

quest12 · 12/09/2012 00:21

thing is i do like kids an i will be there aunty but by that time mine will be teenagers wanting to do different things than a 5 yr old or 2 5yr olds!!! and to be honest with me being a working mum ive struggled with the work/life balance and even when they have both known that and been in a position to help they havent bothered so im sort of thinking "why shud i make ur lives easy?"

OP posts:

pictish · 12/09/2012 00:23

Well it has to be a no and that's that. They are taking the piss.

NatashaBee · 12/09/2012 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2012 00:26

Just tell them no.

The best way to spend time with other family members is when you want to spend time with them...not when you're required to.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 12/09/2012 00:28

either:

"no"

I will send you my terms and fees as i was thinking of registering as a child minder.

allagory · 12/09/2012 00:32

No don't do it under any circumstances. Not even for money. 4 days nursery costs the same as 5 most places anywhere. And I don't know any full daycare nurseries that offer a term time option, so you are probably in the clear for the next 5 years. In which time they will have probably taken the hint that you're not interested in their childcare problems.

Walkacrossthesand · 12/09/2012 00:44

Your reasoning is sound on many levels - childcare by family is a big tie, and only available if it is offered rather than expected. You have your own life to lead, and if you don't want your precious time with your DCs to be dictated by their DCs needs, you don't have to - any more than they wanted to help you when you needed it. Their childcare is their problem. End of. Be firm!

Original poster

quest12 · 12/09/2012 00:53

thankyou ladies!! i knew they were taking the piss just waiting for the official ask and my no and the inevitable selfish b i t c h comments, may change my hours from 4 days to 5 an do shorter days so im not free fridays!!

OP posts:

CaliforniaLeaving · 12/09/2012 01:22

Now you can say "Sorry I don't do babies" then toddlers, then your kids will leave and you can be the one who says "Sorry I don''t do kids" I think they will realize how horrible they were to you. Pay back is a bitch!

Thumbwitch · 12/09/2012 01:27

Another one for "just say no". They are royally taking the piss. Are you prone to playing the doormat in your family? Because if not, there's no reason to start now.

And you don't need to separate letters for swearwords on MN either - typing bitch is just fine.

iscream · 12/09/2012 01:35

No way would I ever babysit for them since they never would for you.

GateGipsy · 12/09/2012 05:38

another just say no here too. Actually, I wouldn't say no. When mentioned just say well in five years time you have no idea what your situation will be at work. You've arranged the hours you have now because of the kids but as they get older that will change and it is likely that your boss will want you to work shorter days but over five days instead of four, for example. And, as the children will be teenagers, you will probably be working more in the holidays too. So please don't rely on you as definite for childcare because five years is an awfully long time away.

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