aibu to be expected to do what hasnt been done 4 me

[quest12]

netmums i would appreciate your views pls good or bad!

i have 2 children aged 10 and 9 and have struggled as a mum with little support from my family, i have 2 sisters who have had dogs for the last 6 years, they often call to each others house if they are going to the park to take both dogs but neither wud think of calling me and taking my kids, i have often asked them both to babysit and get the reply that they are no gud with kids only dogs!!! anyway both are pregnant now due around same time and at my sisters the other day they was both saying as how i didnt work fridays they were counting on me to have their babies once maternity was over every friday saying they were made up i was off as it wud save them nursery fees as there both going back full time, they were also saying how convenient it was that i worked term time as i could have them school hols wen they start an pick them up as im part time - now neither of them have EVER bothered to look after my kids or take them anywhere an im thinkin in 5 years wen their kids are at school mine will be nearly leaving an ive done the school pickups an hols myself (and at times its been a struggle) my younger sister was unemployed 3 yrs ago just b4 christmas and i asked her to pick my kids up for 2 days so i cud do overtime to get their gifts and she refused saying "i dont do kids" am i well within my rights to tell them that ive been there done that and wont be having their babies fridays and looking after them in school hols? my sentence to them was gonna be il do for yours wot uve done 4 mine!!! am i evil?

You could always offer to be back-up childcare in an emergency, but just say that you can't commit to doing childcare on a weekly basis.

Another vote for NO here.

You've organised your working life to suit YOUR family, not theirs. Your kids need you, and will definitely, at 10 and 11 be wanting different things on a Friday afternoon after school than a 1 year old.

And besides which, there are things that you already do on Fridays that mean you cannot fit in another huge responsibility (even if that's only catching up on housework and getting the groceries - can't do those with 2 1yr olds under your feet).

They have enjoyed their freedom before now, being able to go places and do things with their friends - well, you are now in the position of being able to enjoy YOUR freedom having come nearer to the other end of childhood, so you look forward to showing them what that freedom can look like in a few years time for them.

I'd echo the thoughts of others that, in 5 years time, you may have completely different circumstances. Heck, even now - what would they do if you wanted to take YOUR DC's away for a long weekend after school on Friday, or go on holidays in the summer?

Just say No, not as a "will do unto you" response but a "my life is very full and organised, and I cannot take on additional responsibilities like caring for 2 small kids - it is VERY hard work as you are both about to find out - but what advice can I give you getting started?"

You have the green light to tell them NO. And I like your line of doing for them what they've done for you. I also like your idea of working on Fridays.

Please take no notice of the early rather snobby replies (shame on those posters). We are lovely here really and glad to have you here.

Agree with all the PP.

Say No. Smile sweetly and say that just doesn't work for me.

Or do as Pag says.

Oh and please don't let yourself be guilt-tripped into doing it.

You are an adult, who has responsibly brought up your children by yourself for years, no-one can tell you what you must do.

Even if you do still have Fridays off, use them to enjoy yourself! You deserve it!

I would agree to emergency care-eg nanny/cm is ill.

What if child is ill?

diddl you are obviously a very nice person because I wouldn't do jack all for them!

Not really-more thinking about having time with niece/nephew as it´s also about them.

I can hold a grudge forever as long as the next person!

I suppose so. Bad feeling tends to be got over when babies arrive. I certainly wouldn't be doing the Friday thing though.

I think I wouldn´t refuse to do something purely on the grounds that the person asking didn´t do it for me.

But this I wouldn´t do on the grounds that I wouldn´t want to spend my one day off in the week cm two children.

The odd hour or so here & there maybe if extra childcare is needed-but I wouldn´t want to get roped into a regular longterm arrangement.

I'd start making comments about how great it is they will have babies of the same age, how close the cousins will be and how much easier it'll be for THEM to share childcare, they can take turns and still work four days each and have the other's baby on their day off - perfect :)

no way on earth I'd agree to regular one day a week unpaid childcare for two babies whatever the past history

Well, they are a pair of entitled little madams, aren't they? Regardless of their history of unhelpfulness; why on earth are they taking it for granted that you will provide this MASSIVE favour just to save them money? No. Just say no. Or better still, "Fuck, no".

'oh my baby days are well behind me now, maybe you could do four days at work each and that would cut down two days for you?' lean back and smile. That's all.