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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to be expected to do what hasnt been done 4 me

63 replies

quest12 · 12/09/2012 00:05

netmums i would appreciate your views pls good or bad!

i have 2 children aged 10 and 9 and have struggled as a mum with little support from my family, i have 2 sisters who have had dogs for the last 6 years, they often call to each others house if they are going to the park to take both dogs but neither wud think of calling me and taking my kids, i have often asked them both to babysit and get the reply that they are no gud with kids only dogs!!! anyway both are pregnant now due around same time and at my sisters the other day they was both saying as how i didnt work fridays they were counting on me to have their babies once maternity was over every friday saying they were made up i was off as it wud save them nursery fees as there both going back full time, they were also saying how convenient it was that i worked term time as i could have them school hols wen they start an pick them up as im part time - now neither of them have EVER bothered to look after my kids or take them anywhere an im thinkin in 5 years wen their kids are at school mine will be nearly leaving an ive done the school pickups an hols myself (and at times its been a struggle) my younger sister was unemployed 3 yrs ago just b4 christmas and i asked her to pick my kids up for 2 days so i cud do overtime to get their gifts and she refused saying "i dont do kids" am i well within my rights to tell them that ive been there done that and wont be having their babies fridays and looking after them in school hols? my sentence to them was gonna be il do for yours wot uve done 4 mine!!! am i evil?

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 05:53

I'd say no and I'd be up front about why as well. Not in an aggressive way but in a "are you serious? Ha, ha, ha, no chance, after your attitude to me and my kids? Ha, ha, ha, you've never babysat for me, you couldn't even take my kids to the park for an hour but want me to provide regular childcare for you? Don't think so, now who wants a cup of tea?". End of conversation.

Shannaratiger · 12/09/2012 06:18

Say NO.

EdithWeston · 12/09/2012 06:29

Yes, I think a breezy "are you serious" approach is best.

Say: "Yes it can be really tough when they babies. I didn't even have people I could call on to get a single afternoon to myself".

"I needed to use CM/nursery etc. Did you know the Council keeps up to date lists? You heed to ring around well in advance for vacancies. And think about what will happen if DC is ill and needs to stay at home. I had an interesting time solving that one, as no one was prepared to help even for a single day".

If they have the neck to suggest it overtly: stay breezy "You cannot be serious! I had my babies and small children years ago and I'm really not going back to that".

imonthefone · 12/09/2012 07:07

dont forget, they may well be having MORE babies too!

Be firm, say no

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 12/09/2012 07:14

Yanbu about the babysitting.

Yabvu to write that much without using a single full stop.

EdithWeston · 12/09/2012 07:15

One question: how old were your sisters when you were having your DCs?

Obviously, you don't want to sign up to be an unpaid family childminder, but if they were very young then, it might explain why they had no concept of what is involved in parenthood - just too far off their radar.

WildWorld2004 · 12/09/2012 07:19

I would tell them No & explain in a calm & normal voice why not.

How cheeky of them to assume that.

Inneedofbrandy · 12/09/2012 07:31

This is a funny thread.

Psammead · 12/09/2012 07:39

I wouldn't want to look after someone else's small children one day per week, regardless of family status and past grievances.

I'd rather offer to help fund a child minder, honestly, if they really cannot afford it.

In the holidays I might offer to have my neice or nephew for a week, but not the whole holiday!

bringmesunshine2009 · 12/09/2012 07:43

Just say no. Cheeky mares.

Goldenjubilee10 · 12/09/2012 07:47

"I'm sorry, my baby days are over but at least you have each other to help out."

Bellyjaby · 12/09/2012 09:03

Argh - there is no way I'd do it if expected. If I were asked politely I'd consider it, even given the history. But not expected like this. It also puts a lot of pressure on you to always be there on a Friday or during holidays. What if something crops up unexpectedly?

When we had dd we thought that mil would take her a day a week, we discussed it with each other but until we asked we didn't take it as given. In fact mil offered long before we got ourselves fully in gear to ask. But in doing that she also laid out her rules so we knew when she was willing to take dd and thereby no one could be disappointed if expectations were different. fair enough I reckon.

LilyCocoplatt · 12/09/2012 09:12

YANBU and I agree with akaemmafrost, if you have the courage to do so I would definitely tell them why you won't be doing them any babysitting favours as they haven't done you any when your children were small and you needed support. Tell them to stop being tight and pay the extra day to have their kids go to the childminder on a friday as you won't be doing it for free.

ENormaSnob · 12/09/2012 09:15

I would do fuck all for them.

imonthefone · 12/09/2012 09:26

i think, the fact that they didnt help you, is irrelevant.

Its too much to expect from anyone. You have your own children and you work; your time is precious I imagine.

purplehouse · 12/09/2012 09:30

Just tell them you don't do babies/toddlers as you are well past that stage and aren't going back. When their kids are at school, yours will be old enough to take themselves to/from secondary school so at that stage you can say you are past school runs as well. Also say that as they've never helped you out, you're not prepared to help them out. They sound like nasty bitches - perhaps they can help eachother out!

Not sure when you can leave children home alone as mine are younger so I'm not there yet, but presumably yours will be OK at home soon so you won't even need any babysitting ever!

ceeveebee · 12/09/2012 09:34

They should each work 4 (different) days, and on their day off they can have both kids. Then they each gave to only pay for 3 days childcare

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/09/2012 09:36

Tell them you don't do other peoples babies. It's really quite simple. The word no is very useful.

InMySpareTime · 12/09/2012 09:41

If their OHs also work 4 (different) days, they'll only need 1day's childcare, but I doubt they'll have considered that.

Fecklessdizzy · 12/09/2012 09:42

Just say no, it's so much shorter than fuck-off-you-cheeky-cows-are-you-taking-the-piss-or-what? Grin

CumberdickBendybatch · 12/09/2012 09:47

Just say no, and suggest they organise cover for each other. Don't change your days either, there's no reason to do so!

Bitches!

diddl · 12/09/2012 09:52

I wouldn´t want the commitment of childminding one day a week.

But if you want to baby sit/help out in other ways then do so.

Could they nanny share?

Pagwatch · 12/09/2012 09:56

I am a lovely kind person filled with warmth and generosity.

I would tell them both to fuck off. And then I would laugh in a maniacal nd taunting way. And then I would say 'really. Fuck off'. And then I would have some cake.

SpikeHairandFab · 12/09/2012 09:56

I don't do babies,that would be my answer. Also I cannot imagine how can anyone expect someone(even ur own sis) to babysit every Friday,every hol etc.? This is her child,not yours.

imonthefone · 12/09/2012 09:57

Grin pag