to ask why some parents have to speak to the class teacher every morning?

[MarysBeard]

Especially when the general rule is to communicate via the reading book, the office if a routine matter, or if you must, to speak to the teacher at the end of the school day, and if it's something that takes more than five minutes, make an appointment.

I would expect it in reception, but by Year 3 surely parents should know not to be standing around monopolising the teachers' attention in the morning, delaying the children getting into school. Also (apart from in reception) the kids are meant to line up and the parents stand behind some cones after the bell has gone. Yet some parents still hang around the lines of kids after the bell has gone, sometimes getting in the way of the lines of kids getting into school. It's always the same people you see doing both, in spite of repeated reminders in the newsletters. I often feel sorry for the teaching staff in the mornings & wish that some parents would just let them get on with it (as most do!)

My school discourages it and we have a weekly class surgery for parents to pop in to discuss things.

Just trying to think who's nobbled me so far this term and for what. I had one reminding me her dd was going in to GOSH for surgery the following week, another one asking where her ds could keep his musical instrument until his lesson and one other, whose son was clamped to her knees screaming that he wanted to go home as he was tired, asking me to help detach him!

I think all those are fair enough.

So far this school year, I have had to make the effort to go into the playground and hunt the teacher speak to DS1's teacher twice, once because he had managed to dislocate his hip again in his sleep, and though I had put it back in, he had enough pain that I didn't want him to do PE that day, until after his GP appointment after school, and again this morning to ask when his after school tuition sessions were starting up again, as neither the office or the Deputy head had been able to give me a straight answer, and it was his night to have it if it was restarting this week, and oddly I'd like to know what time to pick my DC up. (School notoriously bad at communication, notes do not get read for up to a month...)

I have gone into DS2's classroom once, to double check that the brand new PE kit that he thinks he left on the bus wasn't actually hiding in plain sight in the classroom, but in his new classroom parents have no access to the PE kit shelves.

None of which are trivial reasons. The PE kit was essential to know before I wasted money I just don't have on replacing a brand new PE kit.

I am still surprised how many of you get anywhere near a teacher in the mornings and how much queuing up outside there is. Does nobody else's school just let the children go in when they arrive and go straight to their classrooms?

You'd have to be a very determined parent to get passed the TA's on the door or have a very good reason for being let in, probably by arrangement. It saves a whole lot of bother and we get none of these pushy parents monopolising the teachers here.

I should note that now that they are in Y4 & Y6, I don't even grace the playground with my presence unless it is strictly necessary - I'm too busy chatting with my friends or rushing the toddler to toddler group or the park.

So if I have been arsed to go into the playground in the morning when all I really want is more caffeine and a chance to wake up and get my head out of my arse, then I feel it is necessary!

I think that in an ideal setting, it really wouldn't be needed to speak to the teacher every morning. But quite frankly, not everyone has that ideal.

I think it's quite out of place for someone to say "oh well, in the case of SEN, there's no need for them to speak to the teacher if appropriate plans are set up." Well, you don't know that, as you don't have my child, or the child of someone who on the board has already stated that they do need to touch base with the teacher daily. You can spout off your theories until you're blue in the face, but let's be realistic. You don't know what the situation is for others or how it works best. So rather than be judgemental, perhaps it's best to just accept that you're not an expert in this and really not in a position to judge.

I get so tired of people doing the "oh there's no need for this or that..." about things/situations they know little or nothing about.

If you honestly think those that have children with SNs enjoy the extra steps they have to go through, including the extra time speaking to the teacher, when they'd rather just be able to see their child trot happily into class, you're well out of touch with reality.

Nicely put Triggles!

Working full time I always drop and run! No time to dilly dally!

I am a Y6 teacher in a school with a totally open door policy. I have parents to speak to every single morning (not always the same parents though). It's worse if I don't get down to the classroom before the bell because by then there's a queue (of parents not children!) Families come straight into school in the mornings at our school, there's no lining up and all doors are open from 7.15am.

Recent conversations have included:
lost homework diary, someone being mean to someone, several off games requests, several changes of pick up person, a dead grandad, a dead horse, worries about reading, complaint about maths set, queries about clubs, requests for test papers, notice about upcoming absences for various reasons, children who aren't quite ill enough to be at home but need watching, injuries, requests for homework extensions, vents about the other parent, lack of sleep the night before, requests to remind children about their music lessons, 3 ongoing situations (one to do with bullying, one to do with a terminally ill parent and one to do with autism) and (my personal favourite) a request for me to test a child's speed and accuracy on dictation (?!)

Generally speaking I don't mind the conversations unless:

• I have lots to get through with my class (we only get 10 minutes for registration and the parents regularly take at least 5 of them)
• There are too many things I need to remember because I start forgetting and wish the parents had sent an email instead or (worst of all) *the parent cries. I literally shrivel up inside when that happens and don't know where to look or what to do. Some colleagues are wonderful and can give the parent hugs and tea. I just want to get back to the simple lives of my 10 year olds!

Dayshift I thought the poster was a teacher? And that's what she was talking about? Am i totally wrong lol? I'm confused.

Well put Triggles

I think I should add that dd1 doesn't have sn, but she has always been extremely anxious, and has had a tough year with lots going on. None of the other parents need to know all this (although some do), so maybe it would be best for others not to judge too harshly without knowing all the circumstances (I realise that AIBU would implode if people actually did this).

Also, Luciemay, dh drops the dds in 2 days a week when I go to nursery with ds, he works full time, and still has to talk to the teacher, it really isn't about me having too much time on my hands as a SAHM.

Does nobody else's school just let the children go in when they arrive and go straight to their classrooms?

Ours used to be exactly like that, far superior system to this queueing up nonsense. Only Reception & maybe R+yr1 should queue, let the rest go straight in!! One staff member at the door to note down messages. Sorted.

Ours now queue precisely so that parents can speak to teachers in the morning. Because you get so much privacy during such chats, what with everyone looking on & the children milling around feet. And it's great fun shoving past the children & other parents to get to a staff member to give message to, especially if you have a buggy in tow or preschoolers. Oh, but no need for parents to wait, say the school, just leave the children in queue once the staff are out. Yeah, right, like teachers can easily manage the motley crew of impatient children while colleagues gab in one ear & parents in the other, parents blocking view of most of the queue of children. Many parents standing in the line holding their child's hand precisely to stop them running off or feeling unsettled by the waiting. Many of rest of us stand & watch to make sure our kids don't run off or start bickering.

And it's great in the rain. Oh no, I forget, the queueing up system gets thrown out the window if it's bucketing down. Something about bad weather makes it unnecessary to communicate directly at the door with your child's teacher and they can go straight in to their classrooms after all.

I shouldn't complain, the whole queueing up thing means I can get to school 5 minutes later & still not be late. Pants for working parents, of course.

I love the fact that the teachers rotate playground duty each morning,
headmaster is always (no matter the weather) in the playgrounds between 8.40 and 9am
and there is always a year 1/2 teacher in their playground
and both a 3/4 & 5/6 teacher in the ks2 playground

they are easily nabbed for a chat and then no one goes in with the children after the whistle goes and the children line up.

How lovely for those whose children are naturally resilient and capable to be able to feel so good looking down on those of us whose offspring are square pegs trying to fit into unaccommodatingly round holes every day.

Or is it just that you have cracked the art of parenting whereas we mere mortals are making such a hash of it that we need professionals to hold our hands?

Perhaps on rainy days the teacher gets interrupted with more phone messages during the course of the morning.

I think there are plenty of reasons why a parent may need to catch a teacher regularly.
I don't look down on anyone.
But there absolutely are parents who just feel the need to catch the teacher every morning,or the coach every training session and it is just one of those foibles people have.
It doesn't make them awful.it doesn't mean noticing it makes you a judgy shit.
It is just a thing.we all have them. It's part of being human. It's Nice. Sometimes it's annoying. It's no biggy.

Mentioning the whims and foibles of other peoples behaviour is just a virtual people watching.
I am sure people find many things very odd about me.

It's not noticing it which makes people judgy shits, Pag.

It's thinking that they can formulate some arbitrary criteria which others must meet for their conversations to be worthwhile and declare with great smugness that those who don't meet them are somehow inadequate, insecure and selfish.

I haven't laid into parents who appear to take no interest in their child's well-being in school, dump and run every morning and expect teachers to be available outside school working hours for every meeting they care to attend. That's because most of us have very good reasons behind what we do and where our priorities lie and I try not to make judgements about people based solely on what I see and overhear in the playground.

Goldmandra, I genuinely think you sound desperately fed up it is not common for parents to need to talk to the teacher every morning (SEN or not), you have found yourself needing to do this- the school should be supporting you and your dds more.

In my experience (which is over a decade of teaching) it is normal to have a few different parents each morning grabbing a 'quick word'- things like pets dying, rough night sleep etc This is fine and appropriate. For matter such as school progress, lost jumpers, friendship problems- it is more usual to talk about it after school.

I am no more likely to speak to a parent of a child with serious ongoing issues (of which there are usually several per class so not at all uncommon) before school than any other parent tbh.

And don't flame me for talking about an 'ideal' - I have taught long enough and in different schools to be perfectly aware that actually this ideal is perfectly achievable.

a mum i know has a need to speak to the class teacher most days to tell her that dd is feeling tired, grumpy, itchy (i kid you not) hasn't slept well etc. she is completely oblivious to rolling eyes, hard stares or even me pointing out that her dd is really fine.

I understand what you are saying.
I just think that the vast majority of people just notice and either barely notice or think that either there is an ongoing issue or it is a parenting foible.
I personally know people who just do it because they do. It's fine. It's a quirk, a personality thing.

I am just saying that even noticing and thinking 'blimey - she is asking about homework again' doesn't mean that most people are looking down on anyone.
Noticing that someone is pushy, or flakey, or loud or anything else does not necessarily mean that you think you're better than them or they are less than you. It's just a trait, a personality type.

If Soneone does make those judgements that is because they are an arse. But just noticing a behaviour which to me is like watching the married couples who don't speak to each other at dinner, or the people who queue to get on a plane about three hours early, or women who wear shorts and ugg.- Just not what I do and occasionaly noteworthy.

In your opinion. In your school maybe. Not everywhere. In some places, this is commonplace, especially due to SEN.

It's quite arrogant to assume that because YOU feel that it's not necessary for a parent to speak to a teacher each morning that THAT is the way it should be done.

Some of us would rather NOT have to speak to the teacher or TA each day to give them an update, but circumstance warrant it and that is how it's requested to be done by the teacher and TA.

By the same token, people could make the assumption that those that drop and run are trying to avoid the teacher or school personnel. Perhaps their child is in trouble a lot and the parent doesn't want to hear about it. Perhaps they don't want to help out at any school function or deal with afterschool activities. Perhaps they don't give a shit about their child's education and just drop them off. Perhaps they took a holiday during school term and are avoiding the headteacher. Hmmm.... all sorts of speculation....it's not nice when people make assumptions about things that are none of their business, is it?

Soooo incredibly tired of busy body people who think their way is the only way....

Yup, little Johnny or Jocasta is much more important than any other child so they must speak to the teacher every morning.

They are lonely and only have housework to keep them company?

gossipping for twenty mins

How are these parents going to cope when their child gets to secondary school? Go on the bus with them?

the ones who just basically think they are entitled to more of the teacher's time than anyone else.

I have found this thread quite disturbing. My DD's disability is not immediately apparent to all and I now realise that all of the above comments could have been aimed at me.

Thinking it now and then is one thing but assuming you know enough to make these judgements out loud isn't right.

The ideal is only achievable when the school is willing to cooperate. Luckily my DD has just moved to what I hope is a school which will meet her needs better and I seem to need to communicate with them less often.

I have seen parents who insist on talking to the teachers, because their PFB (PSB, etc) is sooo important. Equally, I know parents who need to talk to teachers each morning because of issues the children have that mean the teachers need the updates.

I get to know which parents are which, and while I might get grumpy at certain times about certain parents, it's the teachers who need to make it clear if there is a problem with their time being monopolised. I have to say, most of the children here just push past the parents anyway, and the teachers are aware enough to move the parents to one side slightly away from the doors.

I think most parents do recognise the difference between parents giving necessary updates e.g. health, SEN etc and helicopter parents.

No one is questioning the need to give necessary updates. I for one was sharing my amusement about those parents who seem to need to live the school experience vicariously through their children. They buttonhole the teacher, know all the details about what is going on, all the gossip, what reading level half the class is on etc. You almost wonder which member of the family is going to school!

I have seen parents who insist on talking to the teachers, because their PFB (PSB, etc) is sooo important. Equally, I know parents who need to talk to teachers each morning because of issues the children have that mean the teachers need the updates.

Nobody at my dd's school knew that there were any problems. She doesn't have SN or any beheavioural problems and there is nothing noticeably different about her. But I still needed to tell certain things to the teacher before the school day. To other people, it would definitely have looked as if I was giving pointless updates on my PFB.