To consider selling our house so I can quit work?

[Redwhine]

It seems to extreme, but since I went back to work after DC2 in April, I have been hating it. I only do two days a week, but I am out of the house from half six to half six, and it is the kind of job where I bring a lot of work and stress home with me. With 2 DC under three, I never get time in the day to catch up on work, so I do it in the evenings. DC2 is a poor sleeper and I am so shattered all the time.

DH has a very stressful, high powered job and works long days. He is brilliant when he's here, but he too brings work home and we have started arguing about when we do it. We are losing our weekends and evenings and it feels like we're not spending enough time together as a family or a couple.

We have a large mortgage, so although DH brings in a good salary, lots of it goes on that. We could just about scrape by on DHs wage, but that's all it would be. We should have a reasonable amount of equity in the house, so if we sold and bought somewhere smaller and cheaper, we could reduce our mortgage and still have a reasonable standard of living, and I could stop work.

I'm honestly not lazy. I do lots with the children and I could do a bit of freelance stuff at certain periods in the year to bring in some extra. Apart from maternity leave I have always worked. I just feel when the kids are this young I can't keep all the balls in the air. I know some people do, I'm in awe that they do, but I don't think I can.

WWYD?

I think I would go for changing the job first. Working 2 days would have been my perfect compromise when I was in a similar position.

By the time you add up the costs involved with moving, you might find that you need to downsize a lot to make much impact on overall costs. And remember to plan ahead for school catchment areas.

Are there ways to reduce the mortgage without selling the house? Can you go interest only,.or could you make overpayments now to build up more equity and get a better deal?
I also think you should look at finding another job.
I would try and avoid selling up, you might find it hard to buy another similar property in the future. I would prefer the scraping by option!

When I was pregnant we inherited some money and everyone assumed we would use it as a deposit on a house- no, we actually bought a house outright with it, small, scruffy but in a beautiful location. Being mortgage free allowed us to both work part time in jobs that fitted round the school day so we never had to pay child care. It also meant that when I got offered a dream opportunity to run my own business I could take it knowing if it all went wrong (it hasn't) we'd still have a roof over our heads. We have a lovely chilled life in our little scruffy house and cannot understand people who are so busy planning for the future they make their now so miserable.

Even in the current climate, you could probably get another job if you absolutely had to, you won't get these years with your kids.

I think if it's not too much of a compromise and your DH is up for it, it's a bloody fantastic idea, and well done you for putting your family's happiness and your own wellbeing before bricks and mortar and material stuff.

I like my job and it works really well around DD, but I still loathe being a working mum. I only wish my DH was as understanding as yours .

If you're looking for permission then 'yes sure do it'.

You want to do it, presumably your dh is on board, so do it. It's not a crazy plan by any means.

But if you genuinely want to hear other views...

I work FT, have done since dc were three and five. Worked PT (3 days) from when first dc was four months. It was HARD at first - it always is.

There are no easy jobs or easy options or perfect bosses or ways round feeling exhaustion, irritation and in my case being skint for a long time. That's life with young kids. You will feel like that and then some if you are SAHM! Of course it is a great thing to do too - don't get me wrong. Being SAHM is most important jobs in world, I hope that goes without saying.

Be very, very careful of giving up work completely. Have you seen all the threads on here by women who are finding it incredibly hard to get back into work or continue with once great careers after years out of the loop?

I am now in a position - because I continued in my career - to have a high earning job as an MD in a large organisation in a job I LOVE which allows me to call the shots (to a point) so, for eg, I take the dc to school and have not missed one school meeting, assembly, performance etc for the last five years.

So what I'm saying is if you can grit your teeth for this tough couple of years you may well reap the benefits later on.

I am obviously biased because it's worked out for me.

I think you need to be realistic about the time scale.
Moving house won't be an instant solution. It may take you months and months to sell, find a suitable property, have searches, survey etc done... And then there's the risk of the property chain collapsing.. Not to mention solicitors costs, estate agent, stamp duty- which will eat up a large chunk of your equity.

I'm not saying this to be negative. Just that by the time you actually m

I would first want to look at trying to resolve the problems with your job, or looking for another job (though I know this is not easy, especially if you need part-time or flexible hours).

Or can the children go to nursery for an extra day a week to give you a chance to catch up on the things you need to do?

It's your decision in the end, and if you and your Dh are both happy with it, it's not for anyone else to question really. But personally I would be wary of giving up work completely - unless you're confident you'd have opportunities to get back into work when the children are a bit older, or make a good living from your freelance work.

Have you seen all the threads on here by women who are finding it incredibly hard to get back into work or continue with once great careers after years out of the loop?

That's a good point to consider, although I think it depends what field you work in. I went back to work when DD was 18 weeks old, mainly because DH was having none of me staying at home, but I was also aware that I wouldn't get another similar job in the area we lived (newspaper design/production). 3 years later virtually our entire department of 30+ people was made redundant when they shipped the work out to India.

I did end up taking 18 months off at that point until DD started school, and it was tough financially, but we managed, and I really regretted not pushing harder to stay at home with DD when she was tiny.

Sorry posted too soon
... By the time you actually move, your eldest will probably be in nursery more (free hours?) your youngest may be sleeping through, you may be more back into the swing of it all.

Giving up a good job is big step. You may regret it in the future if you're struggling to get back into work, or finding that being with young children all day can also be tiring and frustrating.

Sounds like a change of job might be the solution right now rather than jacking in work totally. Also, it seems excessive to bring so much work home on a 2 day a week job. You'd be better off working more days and getting paid for it in a less stressful job tbh.

When you think you have 5 days at home a week , set against 2 days working, it does not seem right that youre considering giving up that job because it impacts on your life so badly

I'm a SAHM and we have a comfortable life, dh earns around 30k but we have a small mortgage and no debt. We have to budget but don't have extravagant taste!! We have two dc under 7, the youngest has special needs so we do get DLA for him along with tax credits and carers allowance.
We would have more money if I worked (hypothertical as childcare for ds is a no go) but we would not have a better family life.
I do a few things to keep my identity and get out and about, school govenor, help out at local special needs group etc
If you want to be home and your husband is supportive then do it! Money isn't everything.

I had missed the bit about only working 2 days. I think you need to resolve why your bringing so much stress home it inpacts on the rest of your time - maybe you could discuss with your line manager as a first step. I'm very in favour of downsizing but in this case should it not be your DH that gets the benefit- you've said he is also stressed and brings work home maybe he should work less hours.

Cwtches, for me it was never about money but about loving my career and wanting independence and something for me away from the family (this is very probably linked to my mother being a very frustrated, angry, unhappy housewife in the 70s).

I didn't see why, as the woman, I should be the one to back down/out of my career and luckily dh wholeheartedly agreed.

The money has been something of a surprise and a lovely byproduct!

I wouldn't

You only work 2 days!!! Selling your house for 2 days is pretty extreme. I wouldn't want to put that much pressure on my DH in this economy

Do it.

Do it, do it, do it. If I had the choice I would do it!

Your Dh has a good job and is supportive. You can survive until you sell and buy another property. I'm sure you would be so much happier and you will never get these years with the children back.

I don't know what age of children the posters who are saying 'they will soon be in nursery/school' have, but it doesn't get easier to fit in work it gets harder. Who will drop them off for the three hours nursery? Who will help with their homework after school when you don't get in until 6:30? What about swimming lessons, brownies/beavers, ballet/football even playdates.

I work full time doing four long days so that I can use 'day 5' to do the shopping, housework, and for ds to go to beavers and then we can have the weekends free but it means ds3's homework/reading is always done at 7:30pm after pick up from after school club and tea. This can't possibly be the best time for him to do it but it is the only time and we just have to make the most of it.

I would do what you propose in a minute if I had the choice. For me it's not an option. Even knowing that I would not be able to get back into the job market at the grade I am at would not put me off.

If you can freelance then all the better.

Good luck!

The other thing to factor in is that interest rates WILL go up. So theoretically you could go through all the upheaval of moving to a smaller, less nice house, probably in a less pleasant location, only to find that you aren't making this massive saving on the mortgage that you thought you would!

The more I think about it, the more I would be inclined to look for another job, so you can stay in a better house and just be less stressed. The other thing about moving is that you may find in 2 or 3 years with kids school age, you're wanting to step back up to a better house again anyway- and moving house itself costs so much money that it really might not be a very cost effective process.

It's easy to say 'oh it's just bricks and mortar' but actually having a home which is pleasant, comfortable, with enough space for you all, in a location free from stuff like bad traffic, noise, poor schools, lack of facilities... This is pretty fundamental to people's well being. I assume you're going to have to consider a house significantly cheaper than the one you're in, to make it worth while, and there will be reasons WHYits a lot cheaper!

I'm not a materialistic person in terms of wanting bigger, better houses etc but it is important to me to feel comfortable in my own home, to feel its somewhere I want to be. And if you are going to be home full time, your house and immediate vicinity are even more important to you.

If you have genuinely over stretched yourselves and can afford to move somewhere smaller but still in a good area, and realistically you could stay there for maybe the next decade, then it's worth considering. But if you are just feeling stressed out by a 2 day a week job, then I would come at it from a different angle and try to change the job rather than sell my house

My own experience was working p/t when dcs were small and with hindsight I kept my career ticking over in those years. I did a job which I loved but didn't seek promotion or a high profile.Last to arrive and first to leave -I did a good job but didn't get much recognition.

My DCs are teens now and life is so much easier -especially on the sleep front. They are both devoted to their beds !

My worry for you if you give up your job would be the stress on your DH of being the sole income earner. No job is secure nowadays and at least with you still working you would both have some income if your DH lost his job.

If you are able to downsize and reduce your outgoings it may mean that further down the line this restricts your downsizing retirement options. A long way away I know but I am the anxious type!

In your shoes I would try and tough it out with the current job and see how things are in a few months time. Your boss needs to know how much extra work you are doing. I would raise this at a one to one or appraisal and see what the solutions might be.

Good luck!

I agree Janey - but actually I reckon OP just wants to be a SAHM and is seeking reasons/permission. OP if you want to be at home with your kids, just talk through all the options with dh. Hope it works out for you.

It sounds like the perfect solution to me. Why don't you put your house on the market and see what happens? The housing market isn't great ATM, but if you sell for a good price and there are other houses available locally that you think would suit you then it should solve your problems. I'm not surprised you're shattered - I have a 4-year-old and a 16-month-old and I don't work and I'm often absolutely shattered. I have no idea how I'd work even two days a week.

You work 2 days a week. Sorry but it's hardly back breaking. Up to you if you want to sell the house but going on about how 'stressed' you are because of your 2 days is laughable

If you want to be a stay at home mum then do it!

If you are only getting paid for 2 days work you should only be working for 2 days. Dont do an unpaid day!!

Your employer either needs to pay you for the extra hours or stop giving you extra work.

Don't do it!
I'd kill for a two day a week job.

It's really really hard to get back a good job after being at home.

Personally I would rather live in a smaller house and be happy, especially if you can manage on one wage. Life is too short to be miserable and children grow up too quickly. However if you are in the type of career that means it will be very difficult to get work in a few years time, then I would think very carefully. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

Remember that house prices have decreased substantially so the % you will have lost equates to more £££ than the one you will be downsizing to. Not a good time to downsize, does not make financial sense if you don't have to.

I personally wouldn't give up work.

Thanks for all your thoughts, it is very useful to get a range of perspectives and experiences.

I don't find the 'it is laughable for you to be stressed' comment very helpful. I don't want to name my profession for seval reasons but it extremely high pressured and demanding. It is not the kind of job you can forget about when you leave. My DH is often out of the house for the entire day in the week so I do all the childcare and 90% of the housework. As I said, my youngest is a poor sleeper and there are days when I go to work on three hours sleep. No allowances are made for this and it is stressful! Maybe I shouldn't allow myself to be stressed by it but I do. Parton what is hard is knowing that my job is creeping into my thoughts when I should be focusing on the children. I am not achieving a good balance.