To think it isn't normal to eat like this?

[2MumsAreBetterThan1]

Had a relative over for tea today aalong with her 9 year old daughter.

Served quite a large tea for a child as overcooked so at 6pm she ate (the 9 year old) a whole chicken breast, 6 boiled potatoes,.2 Yorkshire puddings and a large scoop each of cabbage, green beans, carrots and peas. She ate it all along with 2 slices of bread.

At 6.40 gave her pudding, just her as adults were too full to eat it , she ate all that and asked for more. Her plate was repeatedly filled with cheesecake until she had polished off a full cake designed to serve 6 .

By 7.30 she was complaining of hunger so her mum gave her a full pack of crackers (the big pack of Jacobs ones) all of which she ate.

At 8.15ish the adults were having a drink so got some nibbles out. doritoes, dips, mixed nuts, crisps and some cheese and crackers. She helped herself to these as well .

They left at 9pm by which point she was again complaining of hunger and her mum said I'll make you toast when we get in.

Needless to say she is overweight, now my daughter is a faddy eater so hard to compare but surely that's an excessive amount of food for a child?

No health issues, mum said she's always loved her food. Seemed to me like she was eating out of boredom a few times.

Calling the nine year old greedy seems harsh, aren't children's manners reflective of their parents. I think the Mother displayed bad form here by not saying 'No, no more cake'.

My DS puts food away in these quantities, not cake or pop though. Maybe it was a one off though? I often ask if I should take juice to a host's if it's an adult gathering so the host doesn't have to cater for him. Has she been overweight as long as you've known her? Could it be just a few pounds before a growth spurt?

Oops

downton Where does it say she was 'whining'? That's your word that's come out of your mind and it's nasty. If OP subsequently uses it I'll think she's not a very nice person either.

It's not greedy to take what's offered. But yes, I would warn my child against accepting the offer because sadly, some adults don't give freely.

If my DC want something and I don't think it's a good idea I usually say they'll spoil their dinner and keep saying no if they carry on. I don't use words like 'whining' and 'greedy' because it's spiteful and as well as dangerous to link food to good or bad behaviour.

In OP's case I would have continued to offer because the child was my guest and feeding guests is my idea of good manners. I would have expected the mother to intervene for the sake of her child's health and the reason I just gave, but if she didn't I wouldn't decide to police it for her and certainly I wouldn't canvass opinions on the internet about their manners and weight.

That's what I call bad manners. If I caught someone doing that I'd give them a piece of my mind and never set foot in their house again.

Sometimes reading MN is like dipping into a petty Edwardian etiquette guide.

Which given your username is apt.

In no way normal, of course it isn't. It's pretty grim really.

To break it down (approximately):
one chicken breast - 190 calories
6 boiled potatoes - 200 calories
2 Yorkshire puddings - 100 calories
cabbage - 35 calories
green beans - 34 calories
carrots - 50 calories
peas - 25 calories
2 slices of bread - 200 calories. (Running total 834 calories)

6 portions of cheesecake - 1400 calories (Running total 2234 calories)

Jacobs cream crackers - 35 calories each X approx 20 = 700 calories

nibbles of cheese and crackers - maybe another 200 calories

toast - 100 calories

Grand total = 3243 calories in the space of about 4 hours.

9 year old girls should be eating around 1600 calories as a guide (depending on size, activity levels etc) So she basically ate enough for 2 whole days in one evening.

Very abnormal and worrying.

Was the cheesecake an actual full size cheese cake as i know cakes tend to say they 'serve' much more than they actually do if you want more than a slither.

Anyway ds 6 eats like a horse he talks about food all the time is always asking when the next time to eat is especially at other peoples houses, to teachers, neighbours, visitors its mortifying people who dont know him and us would wonder whether he is starved at home!. He has sensory processing difficulties and seems to not recognise when he is actually hungry and when hes full until his tummy starts to ache through eating too much, unbelievably though he is actually a very fussy eater so his diet is quite limited. He is not at all overweight though hes a skinny little thing.

Ok so i should have said complaining. Repeated demands are unpleasant however you phrase it.

The person at fault here (if indeed the story is true) is the OP who not only served way too much dinner in the first place but then also allowed her to eat a whole cheesecake.

Even if a child doesn't know when to stop the adult certainly should.

So every single person at the dinner at YOUR house, didn't think to say

"No, you've had enough cheesecake. Its for everyone to share and you've already had more than enough for an adult."

Even if its someone else's child, in your own home turning round and making a point of saying thats enough is fair enough. Its not impolite. Its not rude. Its making a point that "hey this kid has had enough and 'no' is perfectly acceptable". If the mother complains then you get the chance to say, look theres a problem here, and your daughter is eating food for everyone else and this is beyond what is normal.

A whole cheesecake is not on and you and everyone else there are just as guilty of being part of the problem by being a bit spineless in not saying anything at the time. All it does is mean the mother is never challenged about it and she thinks its normal, when its clearly not. Being polite and trying to keep the peace isn't always the best course of action.

It does sounds abnormal tbf. My seven year would gleefully scoff an entire cheesecake, plus crisps and dips, after dinner if they were there for the taking, but she certainly wouldn't put herself out for the crackers or toast.

I just don't believe anyone would or could eat a whole packet of Jacobs crackers on their own, no toppings or anything, they are so dry.

My son is 8 and has Downs Syndrome and doesn't seem to understand when he is full. He will happily eat a very big (full right up) bowl of porridge for breakfast, 4 slices of toast and a couple of bananas for breakfast if I let him and still be asking for more. In fact, my oldest son and his friend ate a huge adult burger each at TGI Fridays when they were about 8, including the fries/onion rings etc, then had a huge pudding each. None of them are overweight, but none would eat that much or a whole packet of jacob's crackers, no matter how hungry.

I am amazed that the adults in the house would let the child eat so much, why did no one say to the child, "You have had enough?"

If she's really eating that much then surely she must be obese not just over-weight?

I struggle to see that a 9 year old could really eat that volume of food and not throw up!

Wow, suddenly it's Edwardian to expect adults to behave responsibly and to not expect one dinner guest to eat everyone else's food. Guess I'm happy being old fashioned then

Interesting calorie breakdown. I feel really sorry for this child now.

Why was dessert served at all if the adults, as the OP said, did not want any yet? Why not give the child some fruit or a yoghurt? Or better still, reheat her some more potatoes and vegetables if there were any left! Regular way of satisfying extra hungry children in our family - here you be, have some more veggies! Bubble and squeak, my mum used to call it...

The cheesecake could have been served later on, instead of the crisps and cheese, etc. Or not at all. I would not have put temptation in front of a nine year old. It is not fair on them.

The calorie breakdown does not include the 2l bottle of pop either!

I also feel its down to the mother to police this not the host or other guests. In my opinion its abuse to allow an overweight child to eat that much.

It sounds like boredom eating and greed to me.

She wouldn't have got a second slice of cheesecake from me, I would have offered her fruit instead.

I couldn't eat that much. I think there have been times in my life where I could have though. I have Aspergers and have a lot of difficulty reading my own hunger/thirst signals and am now trying to learn how to!

I am in agreement that as a child she could have been told 'no' though.

Ideally I wouldn't want to focus on one particular point but repeatedly filling up the plate so she finishes a cheesecake designed for 6? Jesus! Come on, some adult has to intervene here.

Should 9 year old girls really only be eating 1600 calories??

Doesn't seem nearly enough for a growing girl and if you left the cheesecake an pop out it would be fine.

I would also bet that the cheesecake was on of those teeny tiny 6" jobs which say feed 6 but would be normal for two to share.

She had 2 ltr pop, so she cant be thirsty.

Yes, she can. She needs water. Fizzy drinks actually make you more thirsty.

If she has been overfed all her life her stomach will have expanded enough to hold all that food. She is used to enormous portions and her stomach takes that much to fill it because it's overly stretched.

That sounds a lot. The dinner - not so bad. The entire cheesecake - well I agree with other posters that she simply shouldn't have been allowed to have so much cheesecake!
Chances are the girl was actually thirsty - thirst pangs can be confused with hunger pangs - if she'd had some water instead of fizz, it might have helped her feelings of hunger.
But really - a whole cheesecake?? again.

I think you're a bloody disgrace for giving her a whole cheesecake tbh. She's a child and adults should be showing her the boundaries. And I just don't believe the whole packet of jacobs crackers story, sory

Why is the op a disgrace for giving her the whole cheesecake, Simone?
Unless I've read it wrong, the child's own mother was sitting right there during the repeated demands requests for more food; if anyone should have put their foot down it was her.

It was hardly the op's place to say "actually, you're eating far too much, have some fruit instead".
Totally different if she was taking care of the child in her parent's absence, of course.

"It was hardly the op's place to say "actually, you're eating far too much, have some fruit instead"."

But she could have said no, that she was saving it for later/tomorrow etc.