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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop my nan using my toilet

65 replies

Inneedofbrandy · 07/09/2012 11:51

I know I'm BU but I can't help it. Why is it every time my nan comes over the first thing she does is use my toilet. She has her own toilets at her own house ffs!

It actually revolts me, she doesn't shut the door she doesn't wash her hands and she try's to talk to me while weeing.

I know I'm sounding like a right bitch but it disgusts me. I stand there seething at the the sound of her weeing and farting an talking away.

I live in a flat so I'm trapped in a room until she finishes so I don't see her on the bog. I have spoke to her about this over the years (6) But she doesn't see the problem.

The really unreasonable part is, if this was my friend I wouldn't care less. In fact if we were in town or pub we'd all share cubicals.

I'm a complete cow to begrudge my nan use of toilet right?

OP posts:
NervousAt20 · 07/09/2012 11:54

Hmm sounds like you are BU, when she's in there why don't you just close the door and say we can talk when you come out the ignore what ever she is saying and when she comes out just gently point out there's hand wash and a towel there for you to clean your hands?

I can see why it drives you mad though Smile

SoleSource · 07/09/2012 11:55

Tis gross. No advice, how to deal with it.

Bump

DaveMccave · 07/09/2012 11:56

Yes! She probably does use the toilet at home, but the older you get the more frequently you need to go. Go and stick the kettle on in the kitchen, and turn the radio on so you don't have to hear it.

TheDogDidIt · 07/09/2012 11:58

Does she live really close by, or a journey away? I think that older women need the toilet more often. In any case, you'd definitely BU to tell a relative that they can't use your toilet.

Closing the door and refusing to engage in conversation until she's finished is definitely reasonable, though. She's being rude, by not respecting your personal boundaries.

pigletmania · 07/09/2012 11:59

You sound really horrible, just suck it up. You will be od one day and how would you like if your grandchild spoke bout you like that

RuleBritannia · 07/09/2012 12:01

I don't know how far your grandmother lives from you but doesn't it occur to you that, as people become older, their bodies change? Do you allow other visitors to use your toilet? If so, why not your grandmother? Don't you like her?

I use the toilet before I leave home. When I arrive in town, having used the bus for 20 minutes, I need to go again.

I agree with the others though:
(a) close the door behind her and say you can talk when she's finished.
(b) tell her where the soap are towel are.
Add (c) Move as far away as you can from the toilet when your grandmother is there so, even if she's talking to you, you can't hear her.

TheDogDidIt · 07/09/2012 12:01

But I don't think she's leaving the door open because she's old, piglet. My Mum always closes the door and she's 83.

Being old doesn't give you licence to be rude to a person, even your grandchild, in their own home, does it? In fact, I think it's pretty patronising towards the elderly to say that she can do that because of her age.

Yogagirl17 · 07/09/2012 12:03

Actually I can totally sympathise! Growing up my mum NEVER shut a bathroom door, had to talk on the phone or to whoever was in the house while on the toilet (and of course in the days before cordless/mobile phones so the phone cord was permanently stretched from the kitchen to the bathroom!!).

These days, even when I'm in her house, I ask her to shut the door and to wait to talk to me til she's done!

pigletmania · 07/09/2012 12:03

No but not allowing her gran to use the toilet is vvvvvvvu. Mabey she could remind her gran to close the door and stick the kettle on

pigletmania · 07/09/2012 12:04

Just don't engage in conversation whilst she is on the toilet

TheDogDidIt · 07/09/2012 12:05

Yes, that would definitely be reasonable. The OP shouldn't have to talk to someone on the toilet if she doesn't want to. It doesn't matter if she'd chat away to her friends on the loo - she has a different relationship with her friends than she does with her Nan.

Original poster
Inneedofbrandy · 07/09/2012 12:06

I can't shut the door because I would have to see her on the toilet to shut it. I can't bare the thought of that. It's actually wide open not just a gap. I'm usually in the kitchen with the kettle on, the toilets right next to the kitchen.

She lives 10 mins away, she's not a frail old lady she still has a part time cleaning job just to get out since retired. She also doesn't do it at anyone else's. I can't believe I look out for this it's turning me that crazy.

I already refuse to talk to her or say il talk when youve finished so she'll talk to the kids.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/09/2012 12:07

Or physically close the door. That's what I do to my mum when she leaves the door open

catinboots · 07/09/2012 12:08

YANBU.

Make the bitch shit in the garden.

AgentZigzag · 07/09/2012 12:09

Can't you keep your eyes down and shut the door saying 'Shall I just shut the door for you nan?'.

She obviously feels at home at yours, which is nice, I suppose Grin

scentednappyhag · 07/09/2012 12:09

Catinboots Grin

pigletmania · 07/09/2012 12:10

Just suck it up and close the door for her Mabey she will get the hint. Well if she had an accident you would have to help her clean it up

Original poster
Inneedofbrandy · 07/09/2012 12:11

How do you tell someone to wash their hands without being patronising? She was with me the last time I bought hand towels. It's not that he doesn't know it's because se never does it anywhere.

OP posts:
TheDogDidIt · 07/09/2012 12:12

Mm, not so sure about that, then. If you actually can't stand to close the door for fear of seeing her on the loo, then that sounds like more than the usual level of fastidiousness.

greenhill · 07/09/2012 12:14

She has got bad manners, but you should have prevented this years ago, by pulling the door shut, pointing out that the soap smells lovely, she really must try it etc and have said it every time she came over.

If you've let it annoy you for 6 years and only mentioned it a few times you have allowed this to happen. YABU.

Just you wait until you are old, or ill or your pelvic floor has loosened, you'll be planning every journey with a toilet map in your head. You'll undoubtedly be shutting the door though and washing your hands afterwards, like the rest of us.

valiumredhead · 07/09/2012 12:15

Why is it ok if you and your friends do this OP?

PrimrosePath · 07/09/2012 12:15

I bet she still thinks of you as a little girl not as an adult.

I would busy myself and not hear her talking, she can't be in the loo that long, can she?

Don't know what to suggest about the hand washing though.

PedanticPanda · 07/09/2012 12:15

Maybe she really likes your bathroom and thinks it's better than hers, get a horrible uncomfy toilet seat and leave the window open so it's really cold in there too, that should put her off!

diddl · 07/09/2012 12:16

As soon as she heads for the toilet, can you not follow her & close the door before she´s on it?

PedanticPanda · 07/09/2012 12:16

And squirty hand disinfectant gel you can hand her after she's came out :D

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