To think that red hair on a 14yo isn't a discipline issue?

[GilbGeekette]

14 yo DD (just starting Year 10) has just been sent home from school on her first day for having "too bright" hair. Her hair is dyed auburn/red (having had it neon pink all summer) in accordance with, I thought, school policy of dyed hair having to fall into the spectrum of 'natural' hair colour. Her HoY rang me (apologetically, it must be said) and I accepted (even though I disagree) that they weren't happy with the colour, and said I would re-dye it tonight. This wasn't good enough, and I was given a choice between her spending the day in the 'isolation room' (with no set work) or her coming home and me re-dying it now. I've taken the latter option, as I'm a SAHM - if I was working this wouldn't have been an option.

I'm accepting (ish) of the school thinking that her hair isn't a reasonable colour, but AIBU in thinking that verbal assurances from me that it would be rectified by tomorrow morning should be enough? Fwiw, there are no discipline/behavioural issues with DD and school, (quite the contrary - they've always been extremely positive about her) and until now I thought that we'd all had a good relationship...

Oh, schools and hair- mine tried to exclude my brother during his GCSEs because he refused to cut his beautiful, always nearly tie back long hair. He quite reasonably argued that the school ha a right to dictate hairstyles rules but not to apply them based on gender - in his words, 'would they exclude a girl for getting a short haircut because it was 'for boys'?'
Eventually he cut an inch off :-other had to let him back in as thy hadn't specifie how much he had to cut! My parents were rather proud of him, I think!
One of his friends, who had naturally almost white-blonde hair, was pulled up by the head of year for 'bleaching' it - bearing in mind he had been at the school for five year at this point with the same hair! When the head of year rang his mum, I believe she actually laughed down the phone :-)
Also, west Indian and African girls were allowed braids, white or Asian girls weren't. Who knew that only certain races and cultures can have certain hairstyles? heavy sarcasm
I'm not saying schools shouln't have rules, but they should uses little discretion in their application!
And btw, as soon as i got to uni i was rocking the dyed red hair - your dd can do so freely in a few years time!:)

Are parents on here really saying you wouldn't judge a school whose pupils you saw wandering round town in uniform + pink mohicans, differently to a schoolgirl in a smart uniform and a brown ponytail?

While I agree with the fact that school rules must be followed and think the OP has done the right thing, I do think its a slightly over the top rule. (this comming from someone with bright purple hair though! )

I have the confidence now to experiment with my hair that I never did when I was 14 so I personally think that if a 14 year old has the confidence to be different and stand out then that should be applauded. So many teens follow the sometimes rediculous trends for fear of being different. If a teen feels the need to express themselves and be different over something as trivial as hair colour then I believe this should be encouraged!

I love mumsnet the only place where things get totally out of proportion. catwoo it is not a pink mohican just plumish coloured hair and who is to say her uniform was not smart ??
btw I am donning said brown ponytail and feeling very normal now

I know it's not a pink mohican, I am just illustrating my point about how judgments are made which reflect on the school's reputation. I think unconventional hair or dress cheapens a schools reputation in the eyes of the public.And I am including unnarural hair colour in that.

Uniform is also used as a "leveller" in a lot of schools. You might have kids from a broad section of society, but once they put on that uniform they become a pupil of XXX school. Not a goth or a milly or an emo or any other label you might want to give them. That's what it was viewed like in my school anyway. You could be as mental with your appearance as you liked at the weekend so long as when you rolled up on Monday morning you looked neutral, as squeaky says.

Also, there's quite a fine line with that hair colour. If it actually came out auburn then I don't see the fuss, but it looks like it could have the potential to develop into a plum tone. And as nice as that is, no-one is born with plum hair.

Flatpackhamster, I'm prepared to admit that I don't understand you.

The quote I was responding to was this:

'If you want 'society', you have to suck up the fact that lots of rules are ridiculous. Queuing is ridiculous. '

Now you're trying to say that you think queueing is useful.

I am really mixed up.

This takes me back. I was given the choice of dyeing my orange/red/blonde Salt n Peppa style hair or being suspended. I dyed it brown and it went green, oops. I hated my school and chose to go to prize-giving with Hubba Bubba pink hair. Since I was bright and had a prize the bitch of a Head had to shake hands with me on stage. She was livid. Happy days.

Craic , you do talk a lot of sense. Maybe I'm not down on one side as much as I think I am...

I work in a secondary school and we had this issue all last year and students given reasonable timescales for it to be rectified. However, other students then think it is acceptable to dye their hair.

This week they have clamped down immediately with hair, uniform, shoes the lot.

It's a stupid rule. They should have the courage of their convictions and just ban dyed hair altogether, or else allow the kids to dye it any colour they like.

I have red hair and if I dyed mine black I would look like an alien. The notion that there are two completely separate sets of hair colour, "natural" and "unnatural" is silly.

Also, even if there were two clearly defined sets as such, it is misguided to prefer dying "natural" colours to "unnatural" colours because hair dyed "natural" colours is often associated with a wish to be better looking = more attractive (which is sad from a self-esteem perspective), whereas hair dyed "unnatural" colours is often associated with a wish to look a bit crazy, which I think is more fun and less tragic.

I think the acceptance of "natural" colours is directly tied in with a culture in which nearly every white woman either has highlights or touched up greys or something else, and that is what I think is tragic.

I agree with EdMcDunnough, nothing worse than arbitrary, useless rules.

Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with teaching a child to sensibly question rules and social constructs, they're not always right or appropriate.

And I especially dislike how the rules usually focus on the way girls look. Skirts, hair, make-up, can, can't, should, shouldn't - get used to it girls your looks will be scrutinised from now on.

My son has come home from his first day back very disheartened. The whole day near enough was spent being informed of what new minor infractions would constiute isolation and suspension. They included such things as not walking on the left of the corridors...yes a suspension for that not detention or a word from the teacher but straight to suspension for first offence. If the school bag is lost/stolen/damaged in any way no exceptions.

The school is overcrowded and they have head multiple changes teachers right up the chain to the head and deputy over the last couple of years. This seems like a school whioch has been set up to fail by being set an impossible task and has been given little to no time or resources to acheive it (it became an academy and the problems have started and escalated since).

They are just managing the numbers by constantly finding excuses to send rafts of them home as they don't have the resources to manage the volume of pupils they now have to deal with. Even the pupils have noticed they aren't getting taught the things they should and are asking ot be moved to other schools in an attempt to salvage their academic careers.

I have only skimmed the last few pages, so someone may have already given an example of this, but I thought I'd share!

My job is quite strict on appearances. It is customer facing, in the hospitality industry. We are pulled up on it if we aren't wearing make-up and if our hair isn't groomed enough, which is subjective! We have to look like we've made an effort, basically.

As far as colour of hair goes, we would be allowed to wear a deep red or purple type colour, it wouldn't have to be strictly natural looking, but there's no way they would tolerate blue or green or anything like that.

It is unrealistic to say that everyone should be able to have their hair any colour they like, as much as it sucks, it just isn't like that in the real world! Not now anyway, maybe in the future it'll be different.

OP, I do think you're dealing with this really well, your daughter sounds very mature! Good luck with getting the colour sorted.

Well theres no way I or many other females would WANT to work in a job you have to wear make-up! Do the men have to as well?
I'd rather do a job im appreciated for the ability to do my job rather than rated on how many layers of chanel I am wearing

Huge apologies op, looks like there is more than one school against red hair then I would have thought it was within the spectrum of natural!!!

Ok first day here too. DD was wearing same trousers as was for a few months before Summer today they are not suitable. She was wearing them when representing the school in UK maths challenge (she won the gold -top 6% most able in country (sorry boasting but still sooo proud)) but today new tutor has deemed them unsuitable!!

It is part of being a teenager that, having not quite developed their adult characters yet, they tend to put a lot of energy into expressing their 'identity' through clothing, hairstyles etc and forming judgements about other people on the same.

The great thing about a uniform is that everybody is the same - you then have to make the effort to make proper judgements about people based on who they are, not what they're wearing and you have to make an effort to express who you are by your accomplishments and treatment of others, not through your hair style.

And that is what I'd be thinking about a school where kids flouted the school uniform rules - I would think it was a school with poor behaviour and bullying. I don't want my child policing by their peers on the colour of their hair or what kind of trainers they're wearing; I'd rather the school did the policing and put everybody on a level playing field.

The whole my child is not a sheep thing is nonsense; people who are genuinely independently minded don't need to express it though hair colour. And there's a fine line between not being a sheep and not seeing the wellbeing of the community you belong to as important.

Well fut it may be hard to believe, but we also have to be good at our jobs, we just have to look good doing it!

Seriously though, I know it's a bit sexist but the guys have to be smart as well. It's a sad fact of life that it's necessary to look a certain way to be successful in certain workplaces. If you can't change it then you have to teach your kids the best way to work within the existing system to achieve their goals, and if that means not having wacky hair then that's just life.

I would be livid if my employer told me I HAD to wear make up...

I got sent home from school once for having highlights in my hair

Next day my mum had to come into school and explain that red heads often have other colours in their hair it is not a solid block of red

I got sent home from school, aged 17, for wearing over the knee socks.

I went to an extremely well respected girls' grammar school. We could dye our hair whatever colour we wanted. Some did, some didn't. I went various red shades and my friend had purple hair. I always find it a bit surprising when schools have hair dye rules but I suppose we were all naice girls who worked hard so the colour of our hair was irrelevant. This also fed into 6th form which was entirely non-uniform - didn't stop several girls getting 5 As.

I was however frequently bollocked for the length of my skirt and the colour of my DMs (cherry red - but they're brown, Sir ) but never even threatened with being sent home.

True dat, MySpanielHell

Glib, rather than dye it again, wash your DDs hair in Olive Oil. It will strip the burgundy out, leaving it warm brown.

I had to do this when my home dye job went wrong. I could be charged for breaking the rules: "Hair colour, if not natural, should be unobtrusive" (dammit). It worked really well for me - tip was from a hairdresser.

HTH

(The day I leave the Army I'm dying my hair pink. Not because I want to, just BECAUSE I CAN!)