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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i being unreasonable?

59 replies

RandomUsername · 05/09/2012 11:36

This is a bit of a long story so im going to shorten it as best as i can.

5 months ago i had my second baby, put on 3 stone had have been incredibly insecure about my body ever since, i done an exercise dvd and started eating healthy and lost 2 stone, i still have a stone to lose and im struggling.

I mentioned a few times to my partner that id love to go to the gym, ive never been to one before, there isnt one in our town and i dont drive (yet)

Partner says he woud take me to his old gym sometime, that we would ''do it together'' that he ''supported me'' blah blah blah

Fast forward 5 months, still havent been able to get to the gym, mainly because i cant get there and also because i have nobody to look after the kids and also because my partner didnt want to go.

Then last week i get a text off him saying he was going to the gym. Now he's known for 5 months that ive wanted to go, but did he offer to take me? Nope. Went by himself and left me at home with the kids.

So i was really fucking upset, said to him ''i thought we where gonna do it together, i need the gym a hell of a lot more than you do'' etc

So he turns on me ''its not up to me to organize your life, if you wanted to go to the gym id look after the kids'' (how kind of him hey?) i said ''and how am i supposed to get there? On the fucking bus? Come back on the bus all sweaty?'' and he just kept saying it wasnt his problem!

Now, am i being unreasonable to be upset? He told me we would do it together, but he never needed the gym so didnt bother to help me out, but now because he wants to go he just fucks off and doesnt give a shit about me?

Probably sounds very petty but ive really struggled with my body since DS2 came along, nobody knows this more than my partner, he KNOWS that ive been dying to go to the gym and now he's going 3-4 times a week and telling me that i should ''sort myself out'' even though he told me ''we'll sort something out, dont worry''

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 05/09/2012 11:42

YANBU to be upset by this OP. He's being an arse.

So sod him I say. Do you have any friends to go with instead?

BlackberryIce · 05/09/2012 11:44

Try couch25k instead?

Who would look after the kids if you went together anyway?

BlackberryIce · 05/09/2012 11:46

And can't you shower at the gym, then get the bus home?Confused

Scholes34 · 05/09/2012 11:49

There are plenty of other forms of excercise you can do without going to the gym - walking, swimming, cycling - and they're a lot cheaper. The gym isn't the answer to all your problems and isn't guaranteed to shift the last stone.

If you really do want to go, let him look after the children, do go on the bus. You can shower there, so you don't need to come back sweaty on the bus. It will take you longer to do the whole thing, so if he's offering to look after the kids, just take your time .

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/09/2012 11:49

YABU.

He shouldn't be prevented from going because of a nice suggestion he made ages ago. He said he woudo look after the dc if you wanted to go, so I don't really understand what your problem is?

It's not his fault you can't drive and don't want to take the bus. Plus, there are plenty of other ways you could excersise without going to a gym. You could get home videos, equipment, do couch to 5k, swim and have a shower so you're not coming home sweaty.

I agree that it's not up to him to organise your life.

Original poster
RandomUsername · 05/09/2012 11:49

Clipped - none of my friends would go to the gym, my partner used to go a few years ago thats why i asked him. I think he's being very unfair to me, if i knew he wanted to do something really badly i wouldnt dream of saying ''you know that thing you want to do? well you're gonna stay at home with the kids while i go and do it'' Its not nice.

Blackberry - i was hoping we could find a gym that has a creche, i know i lot of gyms have them these days, his gym doesnt have one, so its just tough shit for me :(

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/09/2012 11:50

YABVU

What's wrong with taking the bus? Confused

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/09/2012 11:51

If you can afford a gym with a crèche, you can afford to learn to drive.

Original poster
RandomUsername · 05/09/2012 11:52

Its a ''nice suggestion'' he's been making for the last 5 months, not just once yonks ago.

Oh and he said ''how are you going to fit in going to the gym anyway?'' meaning, i work and go to the gym, by the time ive finished work and been to the gym there will be no time for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
RandomUsername · 05/09/2012 11:53

i am learning to drive

OP posts:
geegee888 · 05/09/2012 11:55

tbh you need to be more self-motivated. I, along with plenty of others, manage to get myself to the gym. It is possible. You don't need a man to get you to the gym, and gyms are complicated if you want to exercise anyway. Just walk or run for 15 minutes.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/09/2012 11:55

Why can't you get the bus?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/09/2012 11:55

Then when ou can drive you can go in the evening when he's back from work, or find yourself one with a crèche and go without him, or go on the weekends.

Why do you need him there to hold your hand when you go to the gym?

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2012 11:57

I'm still not getting why you don't take the bus and put the baby in the gym creche?

You seem to resent your DH going because he can drive and can therefore get himself to where he wants to go after work.

BlackberryIce · 05/09/2012 11:58

I think if it's important to you, you will find your own way round it.

BlackberryIce · 05/09/2012 11:59

Hold on.... So there isn't even a crèche at his gym??!

PedanticPanda · 05/09/2012 12:01

Yabu, you could shower before leaving the gym. Nobody would bother with you being sweaty on the bus - I've sat next to far worse!

Just go when he gets home.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/09/2012 12:04

YANBU to be a bit pissed off with him but really....you've been waiting for 5 months?? If you want to get fit then just do it...you dont need a mate to go with, either find yourself a gym with a creche to go with on your own or just get fit at home with shred or some other dvd.

You cant be that bothered if you have just been waiting around for 5 months but if you are do something pro active about it today - dont wait around for others, take control yourself.

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 05/09/2012 12:06

He's being an arse but you don't need to go to the gym to get fit and lose weight

tryingtonotfeckup · 05/09/2012 12:07

I think he has been a bit insensitive and isn't being very supportive but if you want to go, you need to find a way, either

  1. go to a gym with a creche and go once you can drive,or
  2. go on the bus while he looks after the kids, maybe do it on alternate nights.

i find the easiest way to get / keep fit is to run, I run once two smallest are in bed, DH does DS1 (bath, story etc). Once back, he goes out for a run. I find going to a gym really time consuming, it doesn't feel that we have the time on an evening to do it. The two smallest are twins and it is easier if we both feed and but them to bed together. I also love running, we are in the countryside and its beautiful and clears my head more than a gym.

Good luck with shifting the extra stone, you've done really well to shift the first two so keep going.

Original poster
RandomUsername · 05/09/2012 12:08

I just think that, as he knew i wanted to go, we could have found a gym with a creche and gone together, just like he said we would.

Because im learning to drive i have a couple of hours a week away from the kids tops, god forbid i have time to myself, thats the only fucking reason he's going.

OP posts:
DruAnderson · 05/09/2012 12:10

I get that you are upset, but do you really expect him to only go when you can get a babysitter?
The fact is that he drives, you don't. So when he is on duty so you can have a break (gym, see friends etc) he is you g to find it easier to get around.
why can he not drive you and pick you up? Why can you not go for a walk?
Going to the gym as a couple is very difficult with small children.

BlackberryIce · 05/09/2012 12:11

But with work, that would mean the gym in the evenings... Creches surely don't run then anyways ?

chocoluvva · 05/09/2012 12:13

It sounds to me like he's being pretty selfish.
And it's all very well for people to tell you to just do it, why have you waited for five months etc - em, because you have a little baby and another DC!
Are there any exercise classes you could go to (and ideally have a nice chat/coffee) with people while you're there.
Don't let your OH put you off from achieving your goal. You'll find a way. :)

ClippedPhoenix · 05/09/2012 12:14

Blimey as harsh as ever huh. How to make a person struggling with their weight problem feel even bloody worse.

Sweetheart, as I said earlier, just do your own thing as he clearly doesn't want to be in on it with you. I'm not a lover of the gym with all it's ridiculously complicated equipment. I find swimming an easy and excellent way to keep fit though and yes, make him take his turn in looking after the kids so you can go of course.

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