To ask if anyone else knows a little miss perfect?

[BadEducation]

and is very envious of her?

My friend is lovely, but she is just so "perfect" and I just wonder what the secret is really!

She has two children; a toddler who is just coming up for two, and a baby who is six weeks old. Already she is back in her size 8 clothes. She is breastfeeding exclusively. Her house is immaculate. She bakes and home cooks most days. She does craft activities with her toddler (who also looks immaculate!). She has been on two girls nights out, dressed up to the nines and looking great, does St Tropez tan on herself every week, she looked fantastic in her pregnancy too. Oh, and did I mention her 6 week old, breastfed baby is sleeping for 8 hours through the night now too? I'm assuming too that in a few months time she'll be going back part time to her brilliantly paid job that she absolutely loves and is good at!

At this stage, with a newborn and a toddler, albeit an older toddler than she has, I was barely managing to get dressed each day. I looked a mess for months after the birth of my youngest. The house was a tip for months as he didn't sleep well and wanted to be held constantly. There was certainly no time or energy for baking, home cooking, St Tropez tanning or nights out, much as I wanted there to be

She is great, a lovely person, but I just wonder how she does it! I've asked her and she just laughs and shrugs it off.

What is the secret of this type of woman? I need tips!!

My sister.

Luckily she is utterly lovely and my fave woman in the world by a long chalk, otherwise I'd have scuttled off by now having become too pained by the comparision.

I had a friend like this, she always looked really clean, if you know what I mean, all immaculate and not like her clothes are shoved on the bedroom floor

Her 'perfect' little girl turned into a monster toddler, though, and it was really hard for her to handle, as everyone expected her to be perfect and her child to be perfect too.

No one expects me to be perfect, if they turned up and I had made a home-made muffin, they would die of shock.

OhDearNigel, your post was quite upsetting, could you not step off the Stepford Wife track and get in touch with what you really want to do? As someone else said, you write so well, why not give up on the housework and write a book or article? Feeling that empty is not a great life.

No. I refuse to believe that anyones perfect (or close to it). I reckon, what you see is not always whats really going on and you just dont know the true reality.

I was recently told that my SIL refers to me as 'little Miss Perfect' behind my back and I was absolutely shocked - it really bothered me actually, as it was apparently said in a nasty way and I now realise why shes always so fucking bitchy to me.

Truth is, I am as far from perfect as you could imagine. I laughed my arse off at the perception. After giving it some thought though, I will acknowledge that I sort of understand where this is coming from. We dont see eachother much so when we do, its a planned event - i.e. one of our DC's birthday parties so the house is clean and tidy and nice and I have washed my hair and stopped wearing dh's clothes for the day got dressed etc. I have a job that she thinks is a good job, it sounds good but I know for a fact (same service) shes paid better than I am at the minute as a cleaner. She thinks dh is besotted with me, when in fact we have had massive problems over the last few years and have been known to have the most explosive arguements ever. My DC are placid, 'easy' babies - ill give her that. I think shes also pissed with me as I have the only 2 girls in the family and shes desperate for a girl

I could go on and on but its all so ridiculous, point being its all about perception (which I suspect 90% of the time is wrong)

I think a lot of it is down to personality in the first place - some of them will just be good at getting things done and putting on a smiley face. But I am sure sleep helps.

Personally, no matter how much sleep I had, I would still be someone prone to being disorganised and messy, so I will never appear to be Miss Perfect although it doesn't stop me having many moments of happiness.

Some of the Miss Perfects I have known have also been truly lovely people through and through - sickening and awesome at the same time!

Others no doubt have problems they simply don't share with the wider world.

I know a "perfect mum" - she is one of my work clients

She is beautiful, slim, clever, nice, has a perfect house, fit DH ( ) a cute 4 year old dc and is now pregnant with no2, she is also a multi-millionaire, so has all the trappings you would associate with that as well

But she is also on anti-depressants.

You see what people want you to see.

Currently I am lying on bed in my nightie, pregnant, house is a mess and 2 year old naked happily playing with toys. If someone was to come over, I would be washed, dressed, hair blow dried, makeup, house tidy and poss whip up some banana bread.

Child would be clean and dressed.

i remember apolosising to health visitor for v messy house as she tripped over toys, unironed clothes, and half chewed banana and she said she worries about the ones with the clean sparkly homes and polished kids-sometimes sign of depression

I can be either "Mrs Perfect" or "Mrs Slattern" (Mostly Slattern ) and you'll probably find your "perfect" friends are the same.

Take yesterday... if you had come to my house, it would have been sparkling clean (the cleaners came and blitzed), all the laundry was done, I'd cooked a pile of different foods from scratch, baked some muffins, run all my errands by 11am, was super organised with my admin, blah, blah, blah. I'd got up at 6am and when a friend came over for coffee, she commented on "how organised I always am..." because she's never seen me otherwise.

Compare that with today (more common because I'm pg with morning sickness) - I'm still in my scruffs at lunchtime, there's shit and mess all over the kitchen because I was doing stuff last night and couldn't be arsed to clean up & still haven't, the cat has dismembered a dead mouse in the lounge, that yet needs to be cleaned up, the beds are unmade, the bathrooms a mess, I've done the square root of fuck all this morning and I'm drinking tea and "wasting time" on MN. My house is in complete chaos and I'm on MN because I don't want to get off my arse and clean up.

Like thingiebob says - people only ever see what you want them to see.

WipsGlitter
"You could have put them down, they might have screamed blue murder, but you could have put them down had you chose to do so."

Well I could have done, but I wouldn't have been a perfect mother then, would I

I am thin (ish) with a tidy house, an lovely garden and I cook everything from scratch. Now my child is happy to be put down. It certainly didn't happy in the first six months. I am naturally organised and tidy, it all went out the window when DD arrived

happEN

and if I ever get pregnant again I will be a throwing up mess and my house will become a midden

As others have already said, you only see what the perfect friend wishes for you to see which is why she laughs it off-she can't explain how she does it because she doesn't

Its maybe a bit like jobs, some people excel at what they do, others muddle through ....its only an opinion, but prob being organised helps, in work or with kids ... I have disorganised friends and they all admit if they could be bothered to make the effort life would be a bit less chaotic, but, they don't want to: and thats fine !

I am that bitch that you speak of OP!

My house is immaculate, I cook from scratch every day and bake regularly. I was back in my size 8's three weeks after I gave birth and my hair, nails and make-up are done every day even though I have an 11 week old DD who wakes every 2 hours at night.

but it's total hell I wasn't like this before my pregnancy but since I gave birth I am literally obsessed with cleaning and tidying. It's devastating if I don't manage to sweep the kitchen floor every day and my heart races at the sight of a pile of ironing.

I knew something was wrong when I was up at 5am ironing babygros! It's driven a huge wedge between me and DP. It wasn't until the hv asked me how I was managing to do everything that I opened up about my strange feelings. I have since been diagnosed with PND and am on ADs.

So what I am saying is she might well be going through a really tough time underneath it all and her perfection is a sign of some underlying problem!

i'm perfect right now at this minute.

DD is sitting carefully eating an apple, while I eat one.
i weigh less than my pre-pregnancy weight, am bfing (she's never had formula)
I have just put 6 ish invoices on my system and done 6 goods-in boxes (so i'm a full time mummy and full-time self-employed)

30 minutes ago, i was stressing because DD was scratching her eczema patches and crying for me to come to her, with her little arms outstretched, just because I dared to walk out of the room into the corridor for 2 seconds.
She never, ever sleeps (although she did just have 3/4 hour this morning after a feed), and had about an hour's sleep last night.

I take my victories where I can find them!

Paintyourbox, you may well be right about my friend. She is definitely a perfectionist.

Hope you feel better soon Paintybox

sorry, Paintyourbox

I think sleep and amount of help one gets from partner and extended family make a huge difference.

And though I never suffered myself, I have seen wonderful women floored by post natal depression.

I also think that we all have the same amount of hours in the day. How we prioritise them is the issue. If you prioritise what matters to you, then you have the perfect life.

I used to think one of my friends was perfect. Till her dh told my dh she was asleep and dead to the world every night by 9.30 so their time together was distinctly limited. Nobody is perfect.

Isn't it more about what you're like regardless of whether you've had babies or not? I mean, my house is always a bit messy and I'm always running a bit late with things and am always a bit disorganised but then I was like that before I had kids so not much chance of things improving afterwards!! It's like those supermodel postnatal work out DVDS; Elle McPherson, Claudia Schiffer etc; "you too can look like this if you follow this workout/diet plan." Yes maybe, but only if you looked like in the first place!!!

paint - i think you make a really good point. I heard an interview recently with a woman who had suffered severe PND, bordering on Psychosis, but nobody knew for ages because she she sure that everything was 'normal' if not 'perfect'.
OP - your perfect friend may need help.

I feel a bit sad now thinking that she may be feeling sad :(

My neighbour thinks this is me and takes great pleasure in telling everyone how perfect I am, in a slightly snide way. I'm far far from perfect I just got stuck in knowing if I didn't do it no bugger else ex-h was going to

When my 2nd dd was born, dd1 was 15 months. Within 2 days I was back out walking the dog (kids in double buggy) and the house was clean and tidy. By 6 weeks I was back in my skinny jeans. Not because I'm superhuman, or smug, or obsessed with being 'perfect'. I get up early, I get chores done, I survive on little sleep. I'm genetically prone to being slim. dd2 was occasionally left to grizzle outside the bathroom door in a swing or bouncy chair so I could shower and dry my hair.

Having said that, I always felt guilty that I was somehow failing as a parent by being so on top of things - that I must not be devoting enough time to the kids. You can't really win.

Don't know about how she is as a mother, but when we were younger I had a friend who was six foot, slim, had a very very rich family. She was studying to be a doctor and made some money but working as a model. When her mum died she couldn't bear to continue with medicine so switched to law. I wanted to hate her but she was just the sweetest, loveliest girl I knew. I imagine she's a wonderful mother too.