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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone else knows a little miss perfect?

103 replies

BadEducation · 03/09/2012 21:35

and is very envious of her?

My friend is lovely, but she is just so "perfect" and I just wonder what the secret is really! Grin

She has two children; a toddler who is just coming up for two, and a baby who is six weeks old. Already she is back in her size 8 clothes. She is breastfeeding exclusively. Her house is immaculate. She bakes and home cooks most days. She does craft activities with her toddler (who also looks immaculate!). She has been on two girls nights out, dressed up to the nines and looking great, does St Tropez tan on herself every week, she looked fantastic in her pregnancy too. Oh, and did I mention her 6 week old, breastfed baby is sleeping for 8 hours through the night now too? I'm assuming too that in a few months time she'll be going back part time to her brilliantly paid job that she absolutely loves and is good at!

At this stage, with a newborn and a toddler, albeit an older toddler than she has, I was barely managing to get dressed each day. I looked a mess for months after the birth of my youngest. The house was a tip for months as he didn't sleep well and wanted to be held constantly. There was certainly no time or energy for baking, home cooking, St Tropez tanning or nights out, much as I wanted there to be Grin

She is great, a lovely person, but I just wonder how she does it! I've asked her and she just laughs and shrugs it off.

What is the secret of this type of woman? I need tips!!

OP posts:
Haberdashery · 03/09/2012 22:31

Yes, sleep definitely the key. If you get sleep, you can do all the things you want to do - if those happen to be tidying and cooking, you will look like perfect mother. I don't look like perfect mother because I wouldn't actually tidy up or clean if you paid me so my house is an actual tip.

OhDearNigel · 03/09/2012 22:32

i'm ok vezzie, completely used to it - my mother is exactly the same. We fill the void with business

imogengladhart · 03/09/2012 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McHappyPants2012 · 03/09/2012 22:37

i also think it a bazzar that to be a perfect mother you need to cook, clean, lose weight, breastfeed and still look your best. then have a baby who sleep all night long.

I am a perfect mum for MY children :)

HuntingBears · 03/09/2012 22:47

OhDearNigel you are very good at writing. Hope it's not inappropriate to say I enjoyed reading your post; what I mean is, it's well-written, honest and interesting. You should continue, or write at greater length. I used to gobble up Jean Rhys and it reminded me of her. Self-deprecating is always more attractive, I think.

HuntingBears · 03/09/2012 22:49

Just read my post again - is there a prize for most patronising?

DoMeDon · 03/09/2012 22:56

Thanks - for Hunting Wink

bringmesunshine2009 · 03/09/2012 23:20

People say this about me. Am a podgy size 10 though.

It's bollocks. Walked out of an abusive relationship. Am shocking with money. Pick awful men. Will never have a healthy relationship with a man. Shout at DC way too much. Have far too little patience. But no one sees that.

They see they Moroccan theme lunch for 7, hand made party treats, baking, looking pretty, clean home and nice job. It's all smoke and mirrors. Honest.

IneedAgoldenNickname · 03/09/2012 23:27

I know people who THINK they are perfect, they're not. (yes sil I mean you)

But how depressing is it that being a size 10 makes you perfect!

LucieMay · 03/09/2012 23:28

oh yes my elder sister! in her eyes she is anyway. i know better Grin

Noqontrol · 03/09/2012 23:43

If I was a size 10 I would be perfect. I'm sure everything would fall into place if I was only that elusive size 10.

Disclaimer; I know it not true really. You need to look at the good things in your life and celebrate that.

MaMattoo · 04/09/2012 00:11

Oh yes I do. Someone who was back in size 8 and having sex 3 times a week within a few weeks of giving birth. The same someone also has the perfect house, the perfect husband (they never argue), the perfect supportive inlaws who live around the corner and a well paid job with flexi hours, so perfect little baby no 2 came dot on time to complete the picture.
Perfect.
But also smug, patronising, and a complete know it all!
Sometime I think she is lying through her teeth.

I am however a size 16, working mum of one happy bunny. Always washing clothes. Always behind with my to-do list. Sex is not on the list as often as we wish. Hot dinners are not as great as they used to be and we have yet to buy a house. I am Perpetually short of time or money or both! Life is not perfect but I would rather not lie about it.

I am sure the perfect ones lie or hide the mess that we all have in our lives in some place or the other.

Leena49 · 04/09/2012 04:03

After my first my friends would joke that I was like the woman you described. However following my second. Ha! She could not be put down, oh so different. They then joked that that they had thought I had looked so bloody great after my first!

Morloth · 04/09/2012 04:58

We have it all together here.

No hidden dark feelings, it really is all as great as it looks.

Sometimes I think that it is all a bit too perfect and that something awful must be going to happen to 'balance' it out.

No point dwelling on that though.

perplexedpirate · 04/09/2012 06:42

I've said this before on here, but that is exactly what people used to say about me (apart from the size ten thing!).
Perfect house, perfect child, everything homecooked, successful hobbies, good job, well turned out etc etc.
Truth was, I was killing myself keeping it all going, crying and panicking for large portions of the day and, four and a half years on, I'm still on ADs and about to start therapy to get over it all.
My point is, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Next time you notice that her apron is ironed (or whatever) bear in mind that maybe, just maybe, it's only like that because if it wasn't she'd be so disgusted with herself she'd stab herself in the arm with a fork.
Sad

merrymouse · 04/09/2012 07:24

We all have the same 24 hours in a day - unless you are spending all your time on the sofa with a bag of crisps playing on-line bingo (being on MN is of course TOTALLY different), then there will be important things that you are doing that she isn't . (Note: it is not necessarily developmentally better to do craft activities with a toddler than it is to spend 5 minutes letting them pouring a bottle of shampoo into the bath, and depending on the shampoo, this can be the more frugal option).

Obviously sleep is a key issue and without it it is very difficult to function. Maybe your friend will have difficult teenagers?

OHforDUCKScake · 04/09/2012 07:27

Bullshit her 6 week old bf baby sleeps 8 hours solid. Bullllllllll shit.

notjustamummythankyou · 04/09/2012 07:27

perplexed (and others): very good points, and I now feel a bit bad for jesting a bit about my sister Blush

What I should point out is that my sister was a nanny for 20 years before having children, and is used to juggling everything in the home, and all while baking buns.

Her youngest starts school today and she's feeling bereft already. All she's ever known throughout her career and home life over the last 25 years is about to change.

I genuinely feel for her and I know she'll need a lot of support. Perhaps i'll even bake a cake for her but perhaps best not!

halcyondays · 04/09/2012 07:47

It may not be bullshit. Dd1 was ebf and she slept wonderfully from about 5 weeks to 5 months, then after that she was a terrible sleeper for years.

FrillyMilly · 04/09/2012 08:02

I think it helps if they sleep. My 7.5 month old doesn't and my house is a tip. DD always slept so well, weight fell off me so we were always doing something. I used to bake with her and people say 'oh how do you find the tine' but when your child is a happy independent one who will watch you all day it's easy. Now I barely get chance to brush my teeth never mind whip up a batch of fairy cakes.

LesleyPumpshaft · 04/09/2012 08:08

I don't know what the secret is tbh. I know several Miss Perfects and they are such lovely people that I can't even find a reason to dislike them, despite the fact that their perfectness only serves to highlight my own inadequacies.

Perhaps you could drip feed her lard while she sleeps and ransack her house when she goes out for the day? Grin

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 04/09/2012 08:21

18mo after the birth of DS I am still carrying my baby belly, I have prickly armpits and legs that wouldn't look out of place on Brian Blessed, my house looks like an explosion in a plastic toy factory, I frequently forget to cook anything for DH and I, my car smells weird and my hair is a funny orangey colour because I've not dyed it for about 13 weeks.

But but - I've also had extremely bad health since he was born which has brought home to me how important all of this stuff is. It simply isn't. What's important is your health and your happiness. I'm clawing back the first one and growing fat on the second Smile

bobbledunk · 04/09/2012 08:26

Slim people who don't gain much weight tend to snap back quickly, your friend is obviously getting a normal uninterrupted sleep every night so that makes a world of difference for recovery and energy levels. Since she can bake and everything else, she must have a baby that can be put down.

DoMeDon · 04/09/2012 08:39

My DD slept from 11pm to 6am from 7 weeks old and has always (colds, clock changes, growth spurts and other acts of nature aside) slept well. However PND, exhaustion from working shifts, marriage disaster and ishoos have made life range from living hell to relative peace & harmony. Sleep if a factor, it's not the key to all life's woes. I still maintain your grasp on life is based on so many things there is no exact recipe for happiness.

Some one her are perfectly happy and not perfect, some perfect and perfectly happy, some seem perfect and are miserable. Shades of grey.

DoMeDon · 04/09/2012 08:41

Typos galore Blush