To be VERY annoyed at a comment my DM made?

[MannyFagnet48]

Me and DH are moving quite close to my DM, He has a job and I am starting university.

The move is over 200 miles and 3 days before my DH starts his new job/I start university.

My DM is going to have my DS 4 days a week for about 4 hours so I can do some uni work.

She rang me today saying that she can't wait to have DS over for a 'sleepover' I told her that it wouldn't be for a while yet as I do not feel comfortable with leaving my DS for the night and she will see him nearly everyday anyway (Babysitting and visits)

My DS is 11 months old and I have not left his side, only once for 4 hours. I feel sick at the thought of leaving him for the night.

My DM and DF also smoke in the house (I have no problem with smoking) but I would not feel comfortable to leave my DS for the night.

Well my DM told me 'Dont turn into one of these mothers that never wants to share their children with the grandparents/don't let them get to know their grandparents'

My DM sees my DS more than anyone does as she always comes down to visit and we spend most of the time with her and only a little time with my DH's family.

Considering how often she is going to see/have my DS
AIBU to not want him away for me for the night for at least another year or two or three?

Considering the amount of free childcare you're going to get then yeah, I do think you're being a bit precious not to let her have him for the night. You certainly don't mind her having your son when it suits you.

And you never know, you might find you'd appreciate a night out given a chance.

No tabby. I know what you mean, I think there is something different about leaving them overnight, it seems like a bigger deal than leaving them during the day.

And I would have a problem with the smoking!

Yanbu not tabby!!

I don't it is worth getting VERY annoyed with your DM. She's doing you a huge favour having you DS 4 days a week.

I reckon you'll find you'll be biting her arm off for a night off for you and your DH to have some adult time soon, mind you by then your DM might have gone off the idea (after realising how tiring a baby can be) .

Don't take her comment to heart, don't leave your baby with her overnight until you are ready, just put off with "yeah, soon mayb..."

Whats the difference with smoking diring the day and smoking overnight? If it doesn't bother you why mention it?

YANBU, from me. Yes, you are benefiting from free child care, but clearly that is something she wants to provide. If she didn't want to do it, she could refuse.

Just because someone is doing you a favour, it doesn't mean you have to bow to all their wishes. If she chooses, of her own free will, to help you, then it should come without conditions attached.

Sounds to me like she will see plenty of her grand child. Doing you a favour, doesn't come with the right to impose things on you that you are uncomfortable with.

I know my DM is doing us a big favour, We were going to put DS in childcare but she jumped at the chance to have him and I know that she would love the time with him.

The smoking doesn't bother me as I said its the smoking in the house that bothers me.

I do not want to leave DS overnight, I couldn't enjoy myself and the thought makes me feel sick.

Id have a huge problem with the smoking. He'll be in a smokers house 4 days a week?

I think yabu leaving him in a house where people smoke inside for 4 days a week.

I don't even want mil to hold my baby after she has smoked but then I do know I am being unreasonably pfb but I'd worry the entire time she was holding him about the increased risk of sids :(

Can she have my DD overnight instead?

Reminds me of the photos of my (vicar's wife) mother having a fag with her children on her lap.... we turned out okay though-honest.

Will he be at her house in the day? If the smoking is an issue.

You feel physically sick? That's irrational.

YANBU

You can be a bit miffed but it's a silly thing to get really annoyed about. Just explain that overnighters are too much for you right now.

But, I'd be very worried about leaving your DC with someone who smokes as often as you are. Have you set ground rules about smoking when he's in your DM's care? I know some people will flame me for saying that as you're getting free childcare but smoking around children is very bad indeed.

I wouldn't want an 11mo spending any time in a house where people smoke inside.. not acceptable.

That aside though, of course YANBU - if you don't want to leave him overnight, then don't. Simple as that.

karmabeliever Good point actually.

My mum is providing part time childcare for free. She wants to borrow her over the weekend to roast her on a spit for a barbecue she is having. AIBU to be unhappy with this.
--YABU. She is providing free childcare so you should damn well suck it up and stop being so ungrateful.

MN is all backwards at the moment. AIBU's that would normally be 90% one way are going the other.

Hopefully normal service will be resumed by Wednesday

So your mother is having your child 4 hours a day, for your convenience.... yet you are all uptight that she smokes? therefore can't have your child overnight?

Totally utterly precious

Buahahahahahhaaaaaaa

Dear lord.

Smoking is a risk for SIDS you know (to all of you going on about how precious the OP is being).

Not precious at all. Not at ALL.

The rest of you are wrong mad.

They smoke IN THE HOUSE and you're OK with that???? Crikey!

My DD is 11 months old - and three weeks ago she finally finished on the CONI Plus scheme (FSID's SIDS programme for babies considered at higher risk). Smoking, and allowing smoking, around a baby is one of the biggest no-no's there is. It's up there with overheating.

My DM smokes - and since DD was born she has only ever smoked outside in her garden....and I live in a different country. We do visit a lot, but due to the risk she just doesn't smoke in the house at all.

My MIL smokes in her house and before we visit we call in advance and she doesn't smoke inside for the day and opens all the doors and windows. It's usually baltic because of that, but it's also safer.

There is no way in hell I would leave my child in a house where people were smoking inside. It's just not worth it. And whilst the SIDS risk does drop significantly at six months and again at one, it isn't actually classed as completely over until a child is two.

I told all my family members if they smoked in their houses (yes theirs) whilst DD was there we wouldn't be visiting and they would have to come to us to see her. But none of them would.

I'm quite shocked you are ok with this during the day - do you think children are only at risk at night?! Truth is they don't know how the smoke exposure has an impact, just that it does, so any smoking at all, at any time, particularly inside is putting your child at risk.

To your question re the overnighters - YANBU - I wouldn't leave my DD overnight yet either, but then she's only just come off an apnoea monitor.

YABU to leave your baby in the care of a smoker.

I wouldn't be ok with the smoking but you feel physically sick at leaving him and never left him for more than FOUR HOURS?

My God we left ds with grandparents from three months onwards and had several nights out away - plus I worked PT from when he was four months.

yanbu just because your not

YABU to be annoyed about the comment - she loves her DGC and wants to spend time. YANBU to stick to your guns about no sleepover. Wait till you feel comfortable/he wants to do it not just cos DGP want overnighters. YABU about the smoking - noone should smoke inddors with a child there- adults can vote with their feet but children MUST be protected. I am a smoker btw.