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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be getting pissed of with my friend

85 replies

msnaughty · 03/09/2012 19:14

she comes round my house and she helps me out alot. she is an ace friend. her humour is very dry mine can be to. she swear alot i do to sometimes. everyone including the kids will get into a swearing match. such as. slag,fucker,bitch, hoe, and so on. when my 5 year said cunt she had a rigth go at him saying its a really bad word and he shoudl say that. but its ok for her to say fucker and all the other things and she seems to think my kids should now the difference between cunt and fucker.

and today everyone was messing about flicking hair bands at each other. so my 5 year old started doing it to. and she said if he can dish it out he can take it. if he flicks me i will flick him back and if he gets hurt its his own fault. she will start theses things then when she has has enough she has a go at everyone.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 03/09/2012 20:22

msnaughty it's a bit late for that. You should have stopped in then and there. The fact that you let it go on has given your children the impression it's okay. The fact that you were all joining in and having a competition of sorts has also showed them its exciting to swear.

I wouldn't have dared swear in front of my mum, I still wouldn't. This is something they should learn from you, regardless of whether another adult has encouraged them.

Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 20:23

mrs: i think your right i need to just stamped it out. i did try and point something out to her the other day when she was being a bit over the top with my 5 year old. and i pointed out he's only 5. and she started shouting me down but laughing at the same time. and it made it really difficult. so i might send her an email, that way it cant be shouted down

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GhostShip · 03/09/2012 20:23

Anyway going to undo my judgey pants now, good luck!

FuntCucker · 03/09/2012 20:25

Grab friend and tell her to grow up.

mrsfassbender · 03/09/2012 20:26

Good luck msnaughty and don't be bullied by her, your kids have to come before her

Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 20:30

thank you mrs: as i have been typing i have realised that it is a form of bullying. with the shouting me down etc although she laughs and makes it a joke. its her way of stopping me telling her how i feel what i think etc. i dont like aguing i cant stand it. and she knows that to. so i will try and be more assertive, if not for me for the kids.

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EverybodysDoeEyed · 03/09/2012 20:30

does she have kids?

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 03/09/2012 20:31

The kids are going to think its all Abigail joke and will not know when to stop.
They will then get into trouble which will confuse them.

It's a bit much to expect them to know its wrong to swear when an adult is getting into swearing matches with them. The flicking thing is the same.

Your friend is being a twat. She is winding the kids up and then getting annoyed when they are wound up.

It all needs to stop.

LadyBeagleEyes · 03/09/2012 20:36

Who the fuck is Abigail? Grin

Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 20:37

everybody: yes she does have children.

orange: yes thats what i have been trying to say. she starts theses things of then has a go at them when she gets fed up. although i can see i should have put a stop to it faster.

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GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 03/09/2012 20:38

The friend sounds incredibly immature, and seems to want to undermine you (I bloody HATE it when someone pisses you off and then just laughs and says 'it's a joke'). It is very hard to change the setting of a friendship - she is used to you going along with what she wants - but for your children's sake I think you should stand up to her on these points. Perhaps it would be a good idea to see her less, if she is around a lot.

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 03/09/2012 20:40

Abigail's having a party. D'you know what I mean?

Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 20:44

getorfak: your so so right she is used to leading 'everything' im really easy going for example when she is helping in the house she will say what color do you want this wall. i will say i dont mind. and i really dont. so once in a blue moon when i might say no i want it like this.. she kind of gets a strop on. and the same gos with issues such at this situation now. so because i have been so easy goig its now made it difficult to change things

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GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 03/09/2012 20:47

Christ she sounds like my mum. All sweetness and light when things are going her way, but a cow when confronted. It is very difficult to change things because, frankly, it's just bloody easier to go along with what she wants for an easy life, especially if you are easy going by nature. But - swearing around your kids and flicking bands at them. It's beyond a joke really. Have you got some other friends or sister/mum or someone who can help back you up, be there when you stand up to her so you feel less daunted?

EverybodysDoeEyed · 03/09/2012 20:52

Is she a school friend?

I know someone from school who is very dominant and brash. her best friend from school was always quiet and let her get on with it. It worked well for them but since having kids the relationship has broken down because the quiet friend has changed. She isn't willing to be told what to do when it comes to her kids and once she started pushing back the loud friend hated it and walked away

Raspberryandorangesorbet · 03/09/2012 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 20:57

no i dont have anyone else.. god i sound a wimp! and yes its in my nature just to have an easy life. and i think does it really matter is it going to effect my life...no. but now its effecting the kids it does matter

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Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 21:01

raspberry: im not sure myself. i think its just loads of swearing

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GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 03/09/2012 21:01

No you are not a wimp, just used to this friend and how you act round her.

It is a shame that you haven't anyone else in your corner but just try and take small steps in standing up to her.

Raspberryandorangesorbet · 03/09/2012 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 21:06

yes i will, im thinking i might distance myself a bit. its a shame she really is an ace friend

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Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 21:09

raspberry: i have 4 children

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Raspberryandorangesorbet · 03/09/2012 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PooPooOnMars · 03/09/2012 21:18

How old are you and your friend?

She's a terrible influence and doesn't sound like a nice person for the way she treats you. I wouldn't have her anywhere near your children. She sounds awful.

Perhaps work on your assertiveness. YOU get to decide if anyone swears near your kids or teaches them the meaning of horrible words. YOU decide this, not HER. And if she's not listening to you then she doesn't get to be near you or your kids.

Original poster
msnaughty · 03/09/2012 21:23

rasberry: my family 5 of us. hers 3 of them then my daughters boyfriend

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