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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a 5yo shouldn't really have said this

70 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 02/09/2012 17:47

Took my 5yo godson to the toyshop to choose a toy for his b'day. The outing was the whole point really, lunch afterwards and just a chance to spend a bit of time with him as well as have him choose something he really wanted for his b'day.
After his mum left us together to go into the toyshop he said, (actually quite aggressively, and not in a sweet/fun/cheeky way), "I'm going to make you spend ALL your money", before we went in.
I know children can say all kinds of things but I've done this activity before with nephew/niece at similar ages and though they were (of course) a bit over-excited and cheekily picking out things they knew mum would never buy for them (cost-wise) they never actually made it about the 'money' nor did they say anything like this or in the way he said it. In the end I did end up spending a fortune on my godson because he kept picking out loads of stuff and it was incredibly hard to say no (he is, I guess, used to getting everything he wants... parents are divorced and I think quite often try to out-do each other that way). Don't mind the amount I spent (though it was more than budgeted) I just felt quite disconcerted by what he said and the way he said it, not to mention the fact that in all honesty he didn't even seem to want to play with his new toys or talk about them etc when we had lunch afterwards.
Just interested, really, in whether this is absolutely bog-standard normal (the pool of children this age that I know well is quite small) or whether it's a bit... well... not quite right.
Don't know what I'd do or say, exactly, even if I ended up thinking it was a bit off. Do/say with his mum, obv, not him!! Probably say nothing, I'm a bit of a wimp! I just felt quite uncomfortable about it and felt it cast quite a shadow over what was meant to be a nice experience as well as an opportunity for him to get new stuff.
Opinions or similar experiences, anyone?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 02/09/2012 17:49

"Oi, behave yourself young man" would have been the response in this house!

Over excited and bit cheeky is par for the course really.

Frontpaw · 02/09/2012 17:50

It sounds like the kind of think an assertive child would say! He is only 5 and they do parrot what they hear on tv. Remember - they have little of time, money or quality of toys!

theoriginalandbestrookie · 02/09/2012 17:51

Do you have your own DCs?

Because DS is 6 and can come across as incredibly mercenary, they are just learning about the value of things at this stage. Also if parents are divorced there might be quite a lot of talk about how much each is spending on him which again will rub off.

I would lay down boundaries with him so for example when he says that he is going to make you spend all your money say " Well the budget is £xx so you will need to find something for that amount" and once it is bought I would make him say "thank you" before got it.

Perfectly normal for him not to mention it at lunch. Please be there for him it must be confusing for him to have two parents throwing toys and money at him, so it sounds like he could do with a stabilising influence.

NovackNGood · 02/09/2012 17:52

He said that and you still went into the toy shop and bought him toys? Well you sure taught him that being aggressive pays didn't you.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 02/09/2012 17:52

valiumredhead - you clearly have a knack for small children that I do not! (need one, as currently pg!!!) Yes, I know over-excited and cheeky is part of the course, definitely was with my nephew last time I braved took him to Hamleys... this felt quite different, though. I'm all for cheeky, after all if you can't be cheeky and get a bigger present from your auntie/godmother, who can you be cheeky with? I just felt in this particular case that it wasn't so much cheeky as rude/a bit aggressive. But maybe rude is way too hash for a 5yo...

OP posts:

Greypuddle · 02/09/2012 17:52

Wow. I like to think I'd have marched him straight back to his mother for that. Maybe I wouldn't have had the guts. But it would certainly colour the way I approached seeing him in the future - do you normally get on ok with him/find him generally pleasant?

thepeoplesprincess · 02/09/2012 17:52

He was just behaving like a year old chancer and actually you were the unreasonable one to react how you did. He saw you coming a mile off.

If you don't want children to behave like spoilt brats, then don't encourage their grabby and materialistic behaviours.#

Just say no.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 02/09/2012 17:53

Oh and children of that age ( well most ages actually) can be disappointing to take out unless its Legoland or Disneyworld, your expectation of what classifies a really good day out for a child isn't theirs. When I was young I would have been in heaven if someone had taken me to a toy shop and , gasp, let me pick a toy - that was a bit novel in the 70s, but these days its par for the course as there are so much more opportunities to buy things and young children are the ultimate consumers.
Next time maybe take him to a play park or somewhere where he can do something rather than acquire it.

valiumredhead · 02/09/2012 17:53

grey he's five -seriously?

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 02/09/2012 17:55

theoriginalandbest, nope, don't have any yet (12w pg with first...) so I know of course that I am a novice! Have spent a fair amount of time with nephews and nieces though so not totally clueless about little ones. Yes, you're right I think that he may be confused about money as parents both use it as a weapon against each other... I didn't take it personally (have learned never to take personally what kids can say!) I think maybe I was just taken aback and, with hindsight, concerned. It struck me as a really odd way for a child to talk, albeit that my 6yo nephew is VERY covetous and always wants new things...

OP posts:

epeesarepointythings · 02/09/2012 17:55

Well, my two aged 9 and 11 still get incredibly excited when they are allowed to pick something out. They are always told the limit in advance, and it is not negotiable.

If either of mine had pulled this at 5yo they would have got nothing.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 02/09/2012 17:58

theoriginalandbest - he requested the trip for his birthday... I wasn't all that keen actually, worried about the responsibility of being alone with him as haven't been much before and he can be quite clingy for mum... but it was his request!
thepeoplesprincess - you may be right. I should probably have exercised more restraint and not got him all the things he wanted (I did draw a line actually, but later than I should have done). Tough with someone else's kid, though, especially when treating him for his birthday... and he's not a generally happy child so even harder. I have quite a hard time communicating with him, which is v unusual for me as I'm pretty good with children his age.

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 02/09/2012 18:00

"incredibly hard to say no" he's five, not Robin Hood or the tax man...

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 02/09/2012 18:01

YABU. He is 5 and no doubt over excited and acting a bit silly. A sharp reply would suffice in cases like that.

BlackTieNTails · 02/09/2012 18:01

i think you were pretty gormless to be manipulated into buying more than you wanted tho :)

sleepyhead · 02/09/2012 18:03

I'd have been tempted to say "Well that won't be hard because I've only got a pound."

lovebunny · 02/09/2012 18:03

i would have said 'oh really? i had intended to spend fifty pounds on your present but now my upper limit is twenty.'
and i would have stuck to it.

Mollydoggerson · 02/09/2012 18:06

Less stuff more time, next year go to the woods for a picnic for his birthday.

Sounds like he is spoilt due to tensions between his parents. Not his fault, but maybe correct him in future.

RedHelenB · 02/09/2012 18:06

At 5 they don't really have much concept of money but I would have only bought onr toy. I think he may have been more appreciative then!

valiumredhead · 02/09/2012 18:06

love that is something I might do to a rude teen if they were pushing it after repeated warnings, this child is five!

SchoolAnxiety · 02/09/2012 18:07

I wouldn't say anything.

His parents are divorced and he probably hears more arguments / oneupmanship about money that he should.

But, next time, take him for a day out rather than the toy shop. Sounds what the child needs is more time and less stuff.

YANBU though.

SchoolAnxiety · 02/09/2012 18:08

SOrry, Molly - didn't see your post

RunYouBastardRun · 02/09/2012 18:09

My ds is 6. He was taken to the shops by my parents recently to choose his birthday present. He chose two things and then stood there deciding which one he wanted most as he 'didn't want to be greedy' (his words). And when my parents bought him both because he had behaved so well he thanked them to the point that it got really fucking annoying we had to tell him he had said it enough.

I bought a friend's dd (3.5) a small present when i went to see her a couple of weeks ago. She came up to me about 15 times throughout my 24 hour stay to hug me and say thank you.

Greed is not 'normal' behaviour if a child has been taught not to be greedy. I would have offered the child a chance to redeem himself by behaving well through lunch before buying him anything. And if that didn't happen I would take him back with nothing and explain to the mum in front of the child that he would get something next time if he wasn't rude.

GhostShip · 02/09/2012 18:12

In my opinion five is old enough to be told of for that. I'd have known at 5 that it wasn't reasonable to say that. Maybe I was just mature though?

I'd have just laughed it off and said nope you're having one thing so let's get going.

Don't blame you for being a bit OP

perfumedlife · 02/09/2012 18:17

YANBU to find it a bit off atall. I loathe greed, adults or children. There's no excuse for it. I know twin girls age 9 and one has always been greedy, totally the opposite of her sister which makes me wonder if it's an inherent trait as they presumably have the same parenting. She is greedy with food, toys, attention and can't enjoy the moment for planning how much she is going to get over and above the others. It's not nice to be around. If she were mine I'd be clamping down hard on that, though not quite sure how

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