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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a 5yo shouldn't really have said this

70 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 02/09/2012 17:47

Took my 5yo godson to the toyshop to choose a toy for his b'day. The outing was the whole point really, lunch afterwards and just a chance to spend a bit of time with him as well as have him choose something he really wanted for his b'day.
After his mum left us together to go into the toyshop he said, (actually quite aggressively, and not in a sweet/fun/cheeky way), "I'm going to make you spend ALL your money", before we went in.
I know children can say all kinds of things but I've done this activity before with nephew/niece at similar ages and though they were (of course) a bit over-excited and cheekily picking out things they knew mum would never buy for them (cost-wise) they never actually made it about the 'money' nor did they say anything like this or in the way he said it. In the end I did end up spending a fortune on my godson because he kept picking out loads of stuff and it was incredibly hard to say no (he is, I guess, used to getting everything he wants... parents are divorced and I think quite often try to out-do each other that way). Don't mind the amount I spent (though it was more than budgeted) I just felt quite disconcerted by what he said and the way he said it, not to mention the fact that in all honesty he didn't even seem to want to play with his new toys or talk about them etc when we had lunch afterwards.
Just interested, really, in whether this is absolutely bog-standard normal (the pool of children this age that I know well is quite small) or whether it's a bit... well... not quite right.
Don't know what I'd do or say, exactly, even if I ended up thinking it was a bit off. Do/say with his mum, obv, not him!! Probably say nothing, I'm a bit of a wimp! I just felt quite uncomfortable about it and felt it cast quite a shadow over what was meant to be a nice experience as well as an opportunity for him to get new stuff.
Opinions or similar experiences, anyone?

OP posts:

HolyParalympicGoldBatman · 02/09/2012 18:17

I would have laughed and said 'don't be silly' or something like that. I don't think what he said is indicative of anything other than being a cheeky 5-year old tbh. I don't think taking him home/telling him off/telling him you weren't going to buy him anything now etc was necessary.

I wouldn't have bought him anything that I didn't want to though, I'd have said no if I thought it was too much/too expensive etc.

Mumsyblouse · 02/09/2012 18:20

My five year old simply wouldn'thave understand the value of money (and still doesn't, aged 6). He may have heard this phrase somewhere, or may just be trying it on a bit.

As the adult, you need to set out the ground rules before you enter the shop (I'll be spending X amount, so bear that in mind when you are choosing). If you effectively let his pestering win the day, of course it pays for him to be pestering, he got more stuff!

I feel sorry for this little boy, he's five, he's not demanding money with menaces and he's harshly judged by those around him. He needs to go to less toy shops and lunches, as others have said, and more playparks.

headinhands · 02/09/2012 18:25

This is Munsnet. I've heard 5 year olds called a lot worse than rude!

tanfastic · 02/09/2012 18:26

It's just cheeky five year old behaviour. I don't see the big deal to be honest.

TeamEdward · 02/09/2012 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CocktailsAndFriedChicken · 02/09/2012 18:29

DN, 6, was with my mother, his grandmother, collecting me from the airport. Whilst waiting, my mum offered to buy him a little toy. He said "but gran, auntie Cocktails always buys me a present". Not greedy.

There are a number of children that age in my family and no way would they have spoken like that and not been pulled up on it. Very bad behaviour imo.

Nanny0gg · 02/09/2012 18:36

All you had to say was "Yep,let's spend all my money! I've got £20 (or whatever you'd decided.) Let's see what we can find."

girliefriend · 02/09/2012 18:37

I would be a bit if my dd had said this tbh, the child sounds a bit like Verruca from charlie and the choc factory

If it had been me I would have said to him something like, 'I will not be spending all my money and if you are going to be greedy you will not be getting anything at all, now would you like to choose a toy? It has to cost £xx or less.'

And have made sure I got a thankyou as well.

I hate to see spoiled ungrateful children.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 02/09/2012 18:44

Nice of you to take him out emeraldgirl1.

Devora · 02/09/2012 18:45

I think it wasn't his finest hour, but at that age children are often mercenary and he was probably testing you to try to understand what the ground rules for the day were. I think you should have firmly but calmly told him what the limit was, and stuck to it. I wouldn't condemn him on the basis of this one incident.

One of the treats I provide for my own children, and for visiting kids, is to take them to a charity shop for a 'one pound challenge'. They have to find something to buy that is £1 or less and - this is the crucial bit - that I judge is worth the money. I string it out like Simon Cowell, and often do decide it's just tat and I'm not going to buy it. We can easily spend an hour doing this,and the children love it. They get a shopping experience, and I don't get bankrupted.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 02/09/2012 18:45

Sorry I should have put a bit more, genuinely nice of you to take him out particularly if he is a bit clingy sounds exactly what he needs.

MagicHouse · 02/09/2012 18:46

It doesn't sound a very happy thing for him to say. Sounds like he's trying to compensate for feeling a bit unhappy by concentrating on material things. Buying him just one toy would have been better, because he'll realise pretty quickly that all those toys didn't have the desired effect anyway. I don't know if I'd say anything to his mum, except to ask her if he's ok as he didn't seem excited by his toys and see what she says. It's up to her whether she wants to talk about things with you or not.

Bookbrain · 02/09/2012 18:50

I have two DCs, one of whom is completely unworldly and ungreedy and will, when offered a present, behave in an angelic way, insisting that they don't want anything big, don't need any more toys etc. The other, equally loveable and equally (I hope) well brought up, is a completely mercenary little capitalist who is obsessed with how much things cost and how much money he can get his hands on (he's 6).

I generally try to turn away cheeky comments with a joke, so would have done what sleepyhead suggests and said "Oh, good, I have 10p. What can we afford?". Any further greedy comments would have been met with a sharp reminder about appropriate ways in which to behave - that would be for my own child or any other child I was taking out for a treat.

Sounds like he's probably parroting something from a half-overheard argument though, poor little chap.

TheBigJessie · 02/09/2012 18:53

grey he's , not an adult merchant banker being a prat at a dinner party!

Ample · 02/09/2012 19:18

He probably shouldn't have said it but the fact is that he did and you didn't respond, so I wouldn't bother bringing it up in conversation with his mum.
Children can become over-excited at the prospect of more toys but that moment right there was your opportunity to mention a certain amount of toys/value that you would be happy with.
You both could have picked out a few toys within a price range and asked him to choose which one he would like.

I won't go into a toyshop with my 6yo without clearly (but not harshly) stating that she has x amount of items that she can buy within a £ limit (say she has £10 worth of pocket money, or a certain amount of birthday money)
Anything that she would like that is larger or more expensive for that particular shopping treat is noted and written on a christmas list for Santa. It's up to her.

You are making a rod for your own back if you can't say no to a 5yo. 'No' isn't a nasty thing to say, and children do need to hear it

chandellina · 02/09/2012 19:27

Yabu by reinforcing the behaviour you are complaining about!

valiumredhead · 02/09/2012 19:30

All you had to say was "Yep,let's spend all my money! I've got £20 (or whatever you'd decided.) Let's see what we can find."

Perfect!

highlandcoo · 02/09/2012 19:49

On the surface this does sound rude and grabby, however, you sound concerned rather than cross and I think you're right to be so.

This little boy seems to be confusing material stuff with love and affection .. When he says he wants you to spend all your money, I think what he really means is that he wants proof of how much you care about him.

That said, I think you should have been firm about how much you were happy to spend.

You sound a nice caring person. What he needs in the future is your time and attention doing fun things which don't involve you buying him stuff.

onebigwish · 02/09/2012 20:01

In my very humble opinion it sounds like what he said at the start was a good old shot at testing where your boundaries lie.

Once he had asserted that there weren't any he went a bit bonkers in a toy shop.

I know it's difficult to manage the behaviour of other people's kids. BUT - you agreed to take him out for the day, you were acting in loco parentis. The child was rude, but he is 5, it's the adult's responsibility to remind children of their boundaries and manners and it sounds like you didn't do that.

As an aside, I was walking with my 4 year old DD this afternoon and she ran to catch me up with something she didn't want to hold anymore with the words "Mummy, I command you to hold this". I have no idea where she picked that up from!

AnnieLobeseder · 02/09/2012 20:06

I suggest you learn to draw boundaries before you have any children of your own, OP, or you're going to end up with some right spoiled brats on your hands. Not saying that your nephew is; he was just being a normal 5yo boy, you're that one that didn't seem able to to say no. If you ended up feeling uncomfortable with what you spent, it was no-one's fault but your own.

"No." is a phrase you need to start practising!!

MammaTJisWearingGold · 02/09/2012 20:25

At 5 he can recognise numbers. I would have given him a price limit and a lot of the time would have been spent checking his reqeusts were less than that number. My DC love the responsibility of that, they are just 7 and early 6 now and have been doing this a while.

It does sound like the kind of thing my DD would say, but she would be told very firmly that that kind of talk would get her taken home with nothing!

thegreylady · 02/09/2012 20:30

I am very indulgent grandma and that comment would have earned a very firm response from me on the lines of,"Behave yourself or we go home-NOW!"

bruschetta · 02/09/2012 20:32

NannyOgg: Genius! Perfect response.

wanttomakeadifference · 02/09/2012 20:48

I agree with others who have said that he was testing the boundaries of the OP. He will undoubtedly try it again, given that he wasn't pulled up on it and got great gifts.

He tried it on, possibly because his past experience has shown him it is worth a shot- and he got away with it.

Trying it on is fairly standard for 5yo, however, IMO if they learn quickly that it will get them nowhere, this behaviour stops.

DeWe · 02/09/2012 20:56

Another vote for Nanny's response.

I might have said "If you spend all my money they you won't get any lunch and we'll go hungry" if he knew you were going for lunch afterwards.

At that age they've only a loose idea of money. I remember one little girl of a similar age looking over my knee at some coins I was sorting. I had lots of coins, totalling about £5. She said "Wow. You could buy a house!"
Dd1 used to think you bought money from the supermarket as I tended to get cashback.
I think my ds (age just 5yo) understands a little about money, from spending his pocketmoney this year. However he goes by bigger is more expensive, so if it's plastic tat in a large box, as far as he's concerned it's going to cost more than my engagement ring.

He's got about as much concept of money as he has aeroplane speeds: he can rattle them off with glee, tell you which one's faster and if it's faster than the speed of sound, but if you asked what the speed actually meant he wouldn't know. The bigger the better, but he'd have no concept of what a speed number signifies.

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