to think a 5yo shouldn't really have said this

[emeraldgirl1]

Took my 5yo godson to the toyshop to choose a toy for his b'day. The outing was the whole point really, lunch afterwards and just a chance to spend a bit of time with him as well as have him choose something he really wanted for his b'day.
After his mum left us together to go into the toyshop he said, (actually quite aggressively, and not in a sweet/fun/cheeky way), "I'm going to make you spend ALL your money", before we went in.
I know children can say all kinds of things but I've done this activity before with nephew/niece at similar ages and though they were (of course) a bit over-excited and cheekily picking out things they knew mum would never buy for them (cost-wise) they never actually made it about the 'money' nor did they say anything like this or in the way he said it. In the end I did end up spending a fortune on my godson because he kept picking out loads of stuff and it was incredibly hard to say no (he is, I guess, used to getting everything he wants... parents are divorced and I think quite often try to out-do each other that way). Don't mind the amount I spent (though it was more than budgeted) I just felt quite disconcerted by what he said and the way he said it, not to mention the fact that in all honesty he didn't even seem to want to play with his new toys or talk about them etc when we had lunch afterwards.
Just interested, really, in whether this is absolutely bog-standard normal (the pool of children this age that I know well is quite small) or whether it's a bit... well... not quite right.
Don't know what I'd do or say, exactly, even if I ended up thinking it was a bit off. Do/say with his mum, obv, not him!! Probably say nothing, I'm a bit of a wimp! I just felt quite uncomfortable about it and felt it cast quite a shadow over what was meant to be a nice experience as well as an opportunity for him to get new stuff.
Opinions or similar experiences, anyone?

I dont understand why, if you felt it was a rude thing to say you then went ahead and let him get away with it. Its giving him the totally wrong message.

My DS is 6 and doesnt have much concept of money but is learning. He sometimes asks if we have x amount of money to buy y and he is given the reason as to why we cant always buy stuff. Its an important lesson for them to learn, but not one they will learn if you forever give into them....

I think you might have done him a favour to gently explain that it's a bit rude to talk about what presents cost.

TBH I can see why you think it sounded 'off'. None of my 3 would have said something like that at his age. It's the money reference really - they might push the boundary for more sweets than usual or a special toy, but I find that reference to money really strange - I suppose it's what he's heard at home.

It's a good lesson for you about boundaries, though, and how important they are.

I hope you enjoy your new baby.

He sounds entitled and spoilt.

My DS is 4 and a half and has no idea how much things cost or how much we would spend. He picks toys he would love to play with, no thought to cost at all. He was chuffed with a 10p crappy plastic spring that DH won out of machine on holiday. He thinks it is brilliant.

I can't believe you spent more than your budget on him, particularly after his comment. Personally I would have allowed him 1 toy and if he tried to go over budget I would have told him "no, thats too expensive, I am not spending that much on a toy"

Sorry but you sound a bit soft.

He shouldn't have said that. It's not usual behaviour. Speaking aggressively to an adult is rude. I would have told him off and certainly wouldn't have bought him half the shop. I would tell his parent as someone who cares for him needs to address his behaviour.

With my own children, I often tell them, 'No I can't afford it. I'll have to save up. I can afford x amount today.'

Very simple and at 3 and 4 they understand, that not everything is available to them.

My guess is that the conversation with his mother before he left went something like this:

"Now when you go out, do this, don't do that, do the other, be polite, say thank you and don't make aunty spend all of her money."

Of course the first thing he did was say what he did. 5 yo boys are contrary buggers if you let them, so you need to always make sure you don't.

My dd (8) would say it in a jokey way if we were talking & having a laugh but she knows that she doesnt everything that she wants. If she had said it in a rude & aggressive way id have said 'well if thats the case then u will be spending none of my money' & took the child out of the shop.

I think it's not a normal thing for a child to say. The only child I know who has said this sort of thing in an aggressive way is bloody awful. Very manipulative and forceful by nature to the extreme. His parents are like it too though. I would make a point of not spending any money on him next time and doing something helpful and charitable instead.

Next time you could also try 'that was a rude thing to say'' ''what should you have said instead?''

He wouldn't have any idea at 5 what it meant to spend all your money, as others have said just repeating what he's heard. If he was speaking in a not very nice tone I'd have reprimanded him for that and then moved on and enjoyed the day. 5 may seem very grown up, but they still have so much to learn. Don't let it put you off spending time with him though, just try giving him more time and less cash next time!

Kids will say stuff like that and if you are in charge of them at the time, you need to pull them up on it. I would have said "Oh no you won't. I will let you know what you can have." I wouldn't have gone over budget either. I'd have said "That is too expensive." or "If you want that, you can't have that too." Kids soon work out what they can get away with with a particular person.

IME children of that age often say things to see what sort of reaction they'll get. "You'll get nothing at all if you're cheeky" would have been my response.

My ds is 5 and I honestly don't think he would say something like that. He might say something like 'I want lots of Lego' though. Ds is far from perfect but I have been careful to teach him the value of money. He knows different things cost different amounts and you have to work hard to get lots of money. He also knows we don't have the money for lots of things, and often asked if some thing is half price or in the sale. I can think of a few kids who may have spoken like your Godson though. Personally I would have set him straight.

I can imagine my 5 year old saying that because she picks up phrases from everywhere, without understanding whether they are rude or not. I think discrete's theory sounds likely.

However, I do not find it the least bit hard to walk away from somewhere without buying something.

Put it down to experience. Also, unless I have set a small budget (under £10), I don't offer to take my children to a toy shop to choose something. They can look around and get ideas, then I go away and buy whatever it is online or come back another time without them. It is really difficult for a 5 year old to cope with that much choice, and they really don't have much idea of the difference between £70, £30 or £20.

It is true, children have no concept of money etiquette whatsoever. We were queuing recently with lots of very poor labour workers who probably earn about 30 pounds a week. My DS (age 6) piped up with: "we are very rich mummy, aren't we? Very, very rich". I was mortified. We are not even rich, in fact we are struggling at the moment. I laughed, embarrassed, and said "no, ha ha, we're not rich at all! What makes you think that?". He said "we have that huge jar full of money in the cupboard". It's a coin jar, probably has about 10 quid in it. To him, that was being "very, very rich".

Next time (if there is a next time) agree a limit with the mother in front of the child, then stick to it! Personally I hate other people spoiling my children because it sends the wrong message. But I am quite a mean mummy.

He shouldn't have said that (assuming not in a jokey cheeky way in which case it would have been a oi don't be cheeky) if my 4 year old did I would have likely left the shop and if it were to
His aunt/uncle the same would apply. I would certainly not have spent over budget.mu ds is 4 and well aware of the price if I say a small treat he knows up to the number 7/8 and no more. I explain I have to save for bigger stuff and that's fine. He is far from perfect but always values the treats he does get and he doesn't get too many-my brother bought him a large Lego set the other week (just to spoil him-brother is hopeless ) and he hasn't stopped thanking him and raving bout it since, he knows how lucky he is.

He sounds like a little PITA. A friend's DD is just like that, and I put it down to the fact she was a much wanted IVF child that the mum went to hell and back trying for, and then almost died giving birth to. Consequently she is very spoilt as her parents indulge her every will (and I can fully understand why).

I suspect that his parents' divorce has been hard for him, and he has been spoilt and presents used for one up-man-ship. That's sad, but sometimes life is sad. Just say no, and set boundaries. He'll probably like you more for it. All kids test boundaries, and are happy enough when they know the limits.

Lots of kids are spoilt. It's not their fault. I think you are being quite hard on him.

marcheline I love how kids define being rich. Years ago when we moved dd1 thought we must be rich because our new home boasted a hall with a coat rack.