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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To introduce a dummy at 18 months

67 replies

AppleOrchid · 02/09/2012 08:30

Good morning, my breastfed DD wakes up in the night a few times a week and is impossible to settle . She was up for two hours last night before very reluctantly, as a last resort, we left her to 'cry it out', something we very rarely do and don't feel good about.

When she wakes, there is nothing discernible she needs, she's just awake and can't settle. She hasn't had night feeds since she was a tiny baby, so she doesn't need milk, however 80 per cent of the time if I did feed her, she would probably sleep.

Last night, fearing teething, we gave her calpol, we read her books, gave her cuddles etc etc. We are all so very tired.

My sister, who has two children of her own and is generally a font of motherhood wisdom thinks I should introduce a dummy at night. I am desperate, but reluctant seeing as she hasn't had one to date. Surely most mothers are trying to wean DC off them at this stage?

What do you think? Does anyone have any experience of introducing a dummy at this stage? What are the pros and cons?

As always, thank you.

OP posts:

maddening · 02/09/2012 08:44

I''ve been asking the same question re my 19mth old, he nurses to sleep. He often rolls over and falls asleep by himself and wakes in the night but usually requires nursing to resettle - even if he turns over and drops back over.

I recently took my mum to a show for her bday so was out till 11pm. Df did bedtime and ds was messing around then a little upset but seemed to get comfort from his drinking cup with the soft straw - which made us wonder about the dummy?

Hopefully someone's the know will be along to shed light :-)

cariadlet · 02/09/2012 08:48

Hi,
I understand how desperate you must be, but would really try to avoid giving a dummy if possible.

I'd recommend reading "Toddler Training" by Dr Christopher Green. It's got a whole section about sleep problems. I really like him, because he's very humane and sees things from the baby or child's point of view (much less harsh and regimented than Gina Ford), but still gives useful and practical tips. From memory, he suggests a strategy similar to letting a child just cry it out, but in a way that is gentler and less distressing (for both parent and child).

If you do end up giving a dummy, then please only use it at bedtime. Dummies are horrible things that really interfere with a child's speech development. I hate walking round town and seeing toddlers trying to babble away to themselves or talk to their parents, but unable to do so properly because they've got a dummy shoved in their mouth.

lovebunny · 02/09/2012 08:50

so what you're saying is, she wants a feed, therefore needs a feed, but you refuse to feed her at night and prefer her to cry herself to sleep? lovely.

Kayano · 02/09/2012 08:53

Terrible idea. I hate dummies, ESP if they are over one

Belmo · 02/09/2012 08:55

I tried desperately to get my dd to take a dummy at about 9 months as she was waking about every 45 mins! but she was having none of it. Her sleep's a bit better now at 1 but she still feeds to sleep a few times a night. I really doubt she would take it at this age tbh, but there's no harm trying!

cariadlet · 02/09/2012 08:57

"When she wakes, there is nothing discernible she needs, she's just awake and can't settle. She hasn't had night feeds since she was a tiny baby, so she doesn't need milk, however 80 per cent of the time if I did feed her, she would probably sleep.

so what you're saying is, she wants a feed, therefore needs a feed, but you refuse to feed her at night and prefer her to cry herself to sleep? lovely."

I don't think that's what the OP is saying at all. My daughter never had a dummy, but - with the benefit of hindsight - I can see now that she used to use me as a dummy!
We co-slept for the first few months, and then she was in a cot next to the bed for another few months. I was so knackered that if she woke up in the night, I used to think she was hungry, let her feed, and she settled. I didn't fully wake up, and didn't stop to check if she was actually hungry. But she often had so little milk, that I'm sure she was only feeding to settle.
I expect that's a fairly common think with bf babies.

lovebunny · 02/09/2012 09:00

'she was only feeding to settle'.

because that really isn't a good enough excuse...

nothing further to say on this subject - except some people must have hearts of stone.

D0G · 02/09/2012 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wallace · 02/09/2012 09:01

My ds encountered a dummy for the first time recently (21 months) and thinks it is for chewing...

clicketyclick66 · 02/09/2012 09:03

OP, my DD2 was breastfed and moved onto bottles at 9mo. She was waking up 3 times nightly for bottles, then having her nappy changed as it could only withstand so much urine and her cot was soaking.

I realised her waking up was only a habit and she did not need the drink. At 21mo I introduced her to a dummy and it was the best thing I could have done. Whenever she awoke, she stuck the dummy in her mouth and back to sleep, and no need for nappy change. She is nearly 6yo, the dummy was ditched a long time ago - and her speech and dentition are perfect.

It's up to you what you wish to do OP, but I would have no hesitation in taking your sister's advice if I was in your situation.

GobblersKnob · 02/09/2012 09:05

I would just feed her tbh.

I wouldn't introduce a dummy at this age, it is quite likely she wouldn't like it anyway.

Everyone parents differently but I couldn't let a child cry it out, it doesn't teach them to soothe themselves it teaches them that no matter how distressed they get no-one is going to come, which is not something I would want a child to learn.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStars · 02/09/2012 09:10

She might not take a dummy at this age.

Why not just feed her? Surely giving her a feed to sleep is preferable to hours of her crying and keeping you all awake? Is there any particular reason why you don't want to feed her in the night? If she's crying and it settles her, then I think she does need it.

Sexolette · 02/09/2012 09:31

Ignore the unwarranted stick you are getting OP.

Be the best mum that you can be, and if that involves using a dummy to get a full nights sleep, then do it!!

crashdollGOLD · 02/09/2012 09:34

FFS lovebunny back the hell off!

missmapp · 02/09/2012 09:38

Have you tried story cd's? Our dcs always use them when unsettled in the night, I think they like the voice as it gives them something to listen to, and calms them down- often as not they fall back to sleep whilst listening.

Mine both had dummies at night, but I always tried to wean them off before two as I thought it would be a harder habit to break if left til later- but I might be wrong

crackcrackcrak · 02/09/2012 09:42

Try co sleeping?
I don't like dummies but if the alternative is leaving her to cry then use one.
She is probably unsettle due either to wanting to feed or going through a brain development stage. Crying it out causes brain damage. That's all I have to say.

pigletmania · 02/09/2012 09:42

Lovebunny what te hell. Op is saying tat there is nothing that she needs, meaning she des not need feeding as sh prbably has just been fed.

missmapp · 02/09/2012 09:44

crying out causes braindamage!!!!!! It may cause changes in wiring and connections, but not brain damage FFS

RedHelenB · 02/09/2012 09:45

She probably won't take one at 18 months. My ds never took a bottle or a dummy unlike his sisters.

jaffacakehips · 02/09/2012 09:47

I won't start using a dummy at this stage. However I can total see why you are suggesting it. Frankly anything to get a good night sleep.

I wonder would see take a small bottle of water when she wakes during night? Also since you are still BF maybe it's a comfort thing. Could you get her a snuggle blanket or maybe a favourite teddy.

How long are you leaving her to cry for before you can in. We leave DD also 18months cry for 5 mins before we get up. She can settle herself very quickly now.

Good Luck!

pommedechocolat · 02/09/2012 09:52

lovebunny - obviously a troll, or at very least of troll mentality.

I personally would prefer dummy over cio/cc in any form. At night does not = in the day at 4.

I'm trying to get my 6 month old to take one.

I understand the not feeding thing, I am reaching that point too with my 6 month old. Food is for day, night is sleep.

jaffacakehips · 02/09/2012 09:53

Apple our DD has grown quite a lot in the past few weeks.

How much does she eat at supper? You could try feeding her more before bed.

perfumedlife · 02/09/2012 09:55

I gave my ds a dummy at six months as the majority of night time wakings were for comfort. He would bf for under a minute and be asleep and I'd be wide awake again, was so tiring.

I think I'd prefer a soothing suck of a dummy than get a child used to feeding in the night that either involved you bf or getting up for fresh bottles and over feeding them just to promote sleep.

jaffacakehips · 02/09/2012 09:55

Feeding her more at supper and a longer BF at bedtime. Not sure if that was clear from earlier post.

perfumedlife · 02/09/2012 09:55

Sorry, not six month, sixteen months

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