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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To introduce a dummy at 18 months

67 replies

AppleOrchid · 02/09/2012 08:30

Good morning, my breastfed DD wakes up in the night a few times a week and is impossible to settle . She was up for two hours last night before very reluctantly, as a last resort, we left her to 'cry it out', something we very rarely do and don't feel good about.

When she wakes, there is nothing discernible she needs, she's just awake and can't settle. She hasn't had night feeds since she was a tiny baby, so she doesn't need milk, however 80 per cent of the time if I did feed her, she would probably sleep.

Last night, fearing teething, we gave her calpol, we read her books, gave her cuddles etc etc. We are all so very tired.

My sister, who has two children of her own and is generally a font of motherhood wisdom thinks I should introduce a dummy at night. I am desperate, but reluctant seeing as she hasn't had one to date. Surely most mothers are trying to wean DC off them at this stage?

What do you think? Does anyone have any experience of introducing a dummy at this stage? What are the pros and cons?

As always, thank you.

OP posts:
HappyCamel · 02/09/2012 10:01

I'd be surprised if she'd take a dummy. Dd has a tippy cup of milk in her cot at 17mo and most nights helps herself and goes back to sleep. They still growth spurt and need a top up at this stage sometimes, especially if they havent eaten enough dinner, maybe due to teething or being too tired.

Sometimes if she can't get back to sleep I give her a cuddle, lay her down and then sit on her floor where she can see me but don't otherwise interact and she settles on her own. So we don't "reward" her with cuddles or stories but she doesn't feel abandoned either.

It isn't easy, good luck.

pommedechocolat · 02/09/2012 10:03

camel - is the milk okay during the night? I think I'd take a dummy over milk thats been out of the fridge for hours too.

HappyCamel · 02/09/2012 10:13

I've never had a problem, it's organic whole milk and always hugely in date because of the rate we get through it. I do sterilise the teats of the tippy cup and clean them really thoroughly. She seems to want it about 4 hours after she goes to sleep. I've tried dummies periodically but she's never accepted them.

WilsonFrickett · 02/09/2012 10:20

Dear lord people, the OP does not cio, she has tried it a couple of times because she's at the end of her rope and is posting here because she wants some help. Telling her she is giving her baby brain damage is neither true or helpful. FFS!

OP, I understand your reluctance to try a dummy at 18 months, that's usually when people start trying to get rid of them. The first thing I would check is hunger - are you sure she isn't hungry. If a BF settles her, is that comfort that's settling her or food?

We co-slept at this stage because I was back at work (any thing to get sleep!) but I was desperate to stop, we found a great book - need to run out now but will find out the name and post a link later.

SirBoobAlot · 02/09/2012 10:25

If she needs the comfort right now, that's what she needs. Remember the molars start to cut around now.

She's only waking up occasionally during the week so she's obviously reducing it down herself.

You could night wean, but leaving her to scream won't help any of you.

NotShortImFunSized · 02/09/2012 10:28

I'd be quite reluctant to introduce a dummy at this age. It can be a royal PITA trying to wean them off it!

Have you tried giving DD water when she wakes? It may just be that she wants the comfort of being with you/held to get back to sleep and not so much because she's hungry. You could try the water for a week or so and it might make her realise she won't be getting milk so there's no point in waking?!

Not feeding her in the night does not make you a heartless person or a bad Mum. I have 5dc and can totally understand where you're coming from on this!

I really hope she settles down soon for you.

McHappyPants2012 · 02/09/2012 10:33

tbh i wouldn't as then you will have the problem of weaning off the dummy.

TessTosterone · 02/09/2012 10:36

I gave ds3 a dummy at 18m. I was working with 3 small boys and it saved my sanity. However we only managed to get rid of it at almost 4 so I'm not sure whether I could recommend it if not!

I now have baby ds4 who has one intermittently. He is breast fed but sometimes when sucky it's useful. I simply don't have the tube to sit around feeding him all day.

TessTosterone · 02/09/2012 10:42

Time not tube!

noblegiraffe · 02/09/2012 10:50

When my DS was that age and woke for hours in the night, cutting down on his daytime sleep helped, so not letting him sleep for longer than an hour at a time. Also making sure that he had at least two good long walks per day. If we missed our afternoon trip to the park, there would be payback at night time as he just wasn't tired enough to sleep all night.

TheTermagantToaster · 02/09/2012 10:53

Lovebunny's not a troll. She just feels very strongly about this.

I'm pro child too, although I'm also highly pro parents maintaining sanity! OP is looking for a compromise. Not sure if a dummy is a great idea tbh as I've heard horror stories about weaning kids off them. I'd also be worried that she'd just start waking you up to locate the lost dummy!

With milk I'd be worried about the effect on teeth - what about a sippy cup of water? Or introducing a teddy or other comfort item?

lljkk · 02/09/2012 11:20

I would be amazed that any child would suck on a dummy if first encountering it at 18months. My toddlers were all convinced they were chew toys, too, certainly not comfort objects.

Mrsjay · 02/09/2012 11:23

I don't think she would take a dummy at a year and a half tbh there is NOTHING wrong with dummies though I just dont think she would take it at her age you could try, what about a drink of water in a sippy cup to settle her rather than a feed ?

Mrsjay · 02/09/2012 11:24

OH Xpost wity ternagant toaster re the water Smile

LolaThePregnantFlyola · 02/09/2012 11:31

Could you not just get her in with you and let her feed herself, DS is 21 months and we all sleep right through, he just helps himself if he wants it or doesn't if he doesn't, i know in the morning if my boobs are still away.

I know for some people that wouldn't be something they would do but it is easy and we all have a good nights sleep.
Grin

AppleOrchid · 02/09/2012 11:44

Crikey, what a lot to take in for a sleep-deprived brain!

Thanks for all your advice and tips.

As per suggestion of D0G, I think DD might be going through a sleep regression or something - possibly that combined with teething. I truly don't believe it's because she's hungry and ignored by her heartless mother Sad.

The jury is still out on the dummy as far as I'm concerned. Making a decision when you're knackered isn't easy?

I think I need a valium cup of tea.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 02/09/2012 11:48

I truly don't believe it's because she's hungry and ignored by her heartless mother

Ignore the heartless mother comments it will rot your already deprived brain I hope this phase passes quickly for you all and do what you have to , My own dd went trough this at 18 months and she HAD a dummy It will pass

enjoy your valium tea Smile

bringmesunshine2009 · 02/09/2012 12:03

Ignore lovebunny. She always jumps on these threads with her 'never let them cry' stuff. If she wants to do that then fine, but I personally do not want to BF until my children are 7, nor do I wish to be sixteen times a night.

Good luck, it will pass. DSs still have dummies. I bloody hate them.

noblegiraffe · 02/09/2012 12:06

Does she sleep well if she's had a particularly active day?

You don't say she's awake for hours every night, so what's different about the days where she sleeps?

I'd be very reluctant to introduce a sleep prop at a time when most are desperate to get rid of them.

SirBoobAlot · 02/09/2012 12:11

Responding to your childs needs doesn't mean you'll be breastfeeding until they are seven, bringmesunshine, what a ridiculous thing to say.

midori1999 · 02/09/2012 14:30

OP, I don't understand really. If Bfing your DD to sleep would work 80% of the time then why don't you do it? Confused She may not need a feed, but maybe she needs it for comfort or to help her nod off to sleep/settle her? She won't need it forever, but if for now that is what leads to the most sleep for everyone, why not just do it?

WilsonFrickett · 02/09/2012 16:50

I'm prochild too

Implying everyone else is some sort of anti-child monster? Dear me.

OP I found this book a lifesaver.

www.amazon.co.uk/The-No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Foreword/dp/0071381392/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1346600930&sr=8-1

Mrsjay · 02/09/2012 17:11

midori maybe the OP wants to wean her toddler from breastfeeding just a thought

pommedechocolat · 02/09/2012 17:33

Prochild is quite frankly hilarious. thats given me a good giggle on day 3 of 3 hours sleep!

LittleWaveyLines · 02/09/2012 17:50

Just feed her! She'll grow out of needing that special sort of cuddle that feeding gives sooner or later...