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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To introduce a dummy at 18 months

67 replies

AppleOrchid · 02/09/2012 08:30

Good morning, my breastfed DD wakes up in the night a few times a week and is impossible to settle . She was up for two hours last night before very reluctantly, as a last resort, we left her to 'cry it out', something we very rarely do and don't feel good about.

When she wakes, there is nothing discernible she needs, she's just awake and can't settle. She hasn't had night feeds since she was a tiny baby, so she doesn't need milk, however 80 per cent of the time if I did feed her, she would probably sleep.

Last night, fearing teething, we gave her calpol, we read her books, gave her cuddles etc etc. We are all so very tired.

My sister, who has two children of her own and is generally a font of motherhood wisdom thinks I should introduce a dummy at night. I am desperate, but reluctant seeing as she hasn't had one to date. Surely most mothers are trying to wean DC off them at this stage?

What do you think? Does anyone have any experience of introducing a dummy at this stage? What are the pros and cons?

As always, thank you.

OP posts:
Lovesabadboy · 02/09/2012 17:51

I wouldn't think she will accept a dummy now - not now she has had the experience of real food and nice tasting things in her mouth!

You say that she might be teething/sleep regressing, but I think you also need to be aware of her NOT getting into a habit.

At the moment, she is rewarded by cuddles and stories (which really have no place in the middle of the night, unless the child is ill/had a nightmare etc). Your interacting with her is telling her that this is acceptable behaviour.

If she has eaten enough supper and had a good BF before bed then IMO, at 18 months, she should not be hungry during the night and so if it were me, I would not be offering a feed.
I would offer water, not talk to her and lie her down again .I also did the sitting on the floor that a previous poster did, but I would not have eye contact or talk to her. I would just 'shhhhhh' her quietly and rythmically and gradually move out of the room.
I know it sounds heartless, but as long as you are aware that she is not in distress, then this repeated behaviour will soon teach her that it really isn't worth waking up for!

Try not to go down the dummy route or you could be trading one problem for another!

Good Luck!

Wigglewoo · 02/09/2012 18:06

Completely agree with lovesabadboy.

That's what I did with my dd and she slept through very early actually.

If you are rewarding her with cuddles / stories etc then she knows its worth waking up. Have a quickl reassuring cuddle, put her back to bed and sit by her bed and have no talk / eye contact. Then keep repeating till she goes to sleep. Don't give in or change tactics at all even if you're there all night. It will improve.

I wouldn't feed at 18 months in the middle of the night. Providing they are eating enough daytime and not sleeping more than 2 hours or so during the day they should not need feeding.

TheTermagantToaster · 02/09/2012 18:17

What, you mean you don't eat babies on toast for breakfast, Wilson?! Shock

Sorry, that was clumsy shorthand for secret-hippy-who-also-believes-in-supporting-people-to-do-what's-right-for-their-own-family.

Love and peace Torch

AppleOrchid · 02/09/2012 18:58

Right, here goes...

WilsonFrickett - Funnily enough, I have just borrowed the book you mention, thanks for the recommendation.

Midori1999 - because as some of the other posters have mentioned, I genuinely don't think she needs the milk and I'd rather comfort her with TLC than food she doesn't need.That's not to say in the muddle of late night wakings it won't happen though...

Lovesabadboy & Wigglewoo, you're right about stories, I think. We already do lots of sitting by DD daughter's cot, will continue with this and drop idea of dummy for now. We already share a bedroom with DD so I don't think it's separation anxiety.

Thanks for all the commonsense tips re plenty of food and exercise in the day.

Over and out, toodle pip.

OP posts:
midori1999 · 02/09/2012 19:45

Well you're asking about giving her a dummy, which isn't 'tlc' is it? Would you rather give her a dummy than breastfeed her? You'd rather leave her to cry than breastfeed her? This seems totally bizarre to me.

midori1999 · 02/09/2012 19:46

Oh, and babies that comfort suck at the breast aren't 'getting milk they don't need'. Confused

MadameDefarge · 02/09/2012 21:17

my ds was only introduced to a dummy at 18 months and loved it. it really helped him get through the night. he gave it up of his own accord later. though had to be persuaded out of his night bottle at five. all of which i agonised over. turns out he is severely dyspraxic. i can see now how these things soothed a stressed and anxious child. i am so glad i wasnt hardcore about removing them.

Napdamnyou · 02/09/2012 21:34

There is a massive sleep regression which affects many babies between 18-21 months. It is linked ot a large part of the brain developing which works with language acquisition and IT WILL PASS. I dont think dummies are the answer, personally, but try googling 18 month sleep regression ( website called ask moxie is very good).

MomsNatter · 02/09/2012 22:26

Does she suck her fingers or thumb? If she does and this doesn't settle her then i think she'll continue to wake for you even with a dummy. Both mine were bf finger/thumb suckers but they still wanted me to go to sleep. With my first i went down the cc route hell on earth with my second we co slept and it passed (can't remember what age though).

secretlyahippy · 02/09/2012 22:51

Its crap when they wake loads in the night. I felt dd1 was on and off the boob continuously all night. I tried the no sleep solution, drink of water, rocking/shushing her to sleep, I got really stressed about it and tried cio and felt awful. And after doing it for a week, it didn't even bloody work.

We ended up co-sleeping as she was feeding so often. In the end I found a fab solution which I hope will work for you.

She coslept with my dh in another room. She woke up for a couple of night but settled ok and then started sleeping through. I did the same with dd2 and it worked just as brilliantly. Ds1 is now 10 months and when he is a year old, he'll be doing the same.

A good friend tried it and it seemed to work for her too.

It seems that my children realise that dad has no milk so they don't fuss for it.

Anyway, its just a suggestion. Good luck and hope everything goes ok for you. X

secretlyahippy · 02/09/2012 22:57

Sorry - forgot to say. After all this time of not using a dummy I would try not to use one. Dummies are not the work of the devil but they can increase risks of tummy infections and some studies are concerned about the development of the dental arch. I wouldn't encourage them to suck their fingers/thumb either unless you don't mind lots of orthadontist appointments in the future Wink

holyfishnets · 02/09/2012 23:07

I think I would go for making sure the baby is well fed before bed and then sitting silently next to baby in cot in darkness during night wakings. Hold babies hand maybe. An 18 month old wont really be hungry. Teething maybe but not hungry. I say this as a co-sleeping BF mum.

Napdamnyou · 02/09/2012 23:42

DS was a crap sleeper and at 17 mom was on and off the boob all night. Then he suddenly changed. We did lots of stories about sleepy time and basically told him how marvellous sleeping in his cot was, put his teddies in, by the time we'd finished selling it to him he was really mad about his cot and used to kiss it. He seemed to get that it was ok to sleep and started getting better and better, at 18 mo they can understand loads, maybe that would be worth a shot?

We explained that we would always come to him if he was upset but sleepy time was so nice, it was when everyone slept and had lovely dreams and got strong and clever, and if he woke up, he could try lying down nicely and seeing if he could sleep again. Shortly after this he woke and cried at nap time and I just held him and let him cry whilst stroking is hair, then we kissed and he lay back down. That was a big turning point, he stopped being freaked out about waking in the cot and was much more settled.

AppleOrchid · 03/09/2012 08:43

Good Morning, LO woke screaming at 2.30am this morning. I lay her down and sat quietly by her cot until she re-settled.Hooray, success!

While this doesn't work consistently in the past, I'm going to stick to this method for now and abandon all thoughts of a dummy. Momsnatter she doesn't suck on fingers except for the occassional chew when she's having a hard time with her teeth, so you're right, it might not help anyway.

I am going to go and have a read about 18-month sleep regression now. I hope this crappy sleeping is just a phase. It's already been a long one though - she's been a pretty lousy sleeper on-and-off since she turned one!

Secretlyahippy - I'll bear your suggestion in mind if my cot-sitting plan fails :)

Thanks!

OP posts:
jaffacakehips · 03/09/2012 15:07

Brilliant Smile

Well done you Apple stick with it.

maddening · 08/09/2012 14:36

look up the sleep lady shuffle - once you have cot sitting established you then gradually sit further away :-)

maddening · 08/09/2012 14:37

look up the sleep lady shuffle - once you have cot sitting established you then gradually sit further away :-)

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