to let my daughter 'misbehave' in dance class?

[mrscumberbatch]

My DD is an only child. 2.5 yrs old and is the only grandchild on both sides.

As such, everywhere we go, it's all about her as everyone dotes on her.

She isn't at nursery yet as me and DP managed to split childcare/work between us.

She has not long started dance classes (tap,ballet,disco.) And she is loving it, but is prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing.

On one hand, I don't want to intervene, out of fear that I 'squash' her confidence. My thinking is that once she is at nursery with more structured play with other toddlers that she will come into line.

On the other hand, I hate being the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler.

WWYD? Leave her to it and cringe inwardly or become more involved and do some hovering?

I don't know why you mentioned it though mrscumberbatch, unless it was because you feel the behaviour at the dance class is because of everything being about her?

I saw your thread at lunchtime and thought some of the replies were extreme was going to post but didn't have time! I'm glad you are a weathered old hag cos some of the posts were a little extreme for my taste! (still read them though!) young children are ego centric it takes time for them to realise they are not the centre of the universe! They learn by going to groups, playing with other kids and having boundaries set (so they can test them) maybe she's not ready for that type of class but she will be going to school soon and she'll learn those skills there. I think a little bit of guidance is appropriate because they take their lead from you! I'm lucky my little boy is good in public (but a little devil at home)

Also op, in your defence - I didn't hear spoiled in the op because it reminds me of dd1. Dd1 spends one day a week with my dm whilst I'm at work. Dm is always complimentary of her behaviour when it's just the two of them. We had a stroppy stage (she's nearly 3 now) and I said to dm in exasperation - argh why is she so compliant for you and not me? Dm said - well it's so easy for me, she has my full attention for 7 hours and I pretty much let her lead the activities for the day. She never has to share me with housework etc because I do my own thing on the other 6 days in the week! Dd1 certainly isn't spoiled in the wilful neglect type way but she is attention showered by dm and her nrp dad! It happens!

It sounds like your dd wants to play and has no interest in a dance class. She is far too young for formal learning. She is a baby and many children of her age are still in nappies.

She would get more out of a less structured class. Dd did toddler gymnastics at the local gym club. There children just played on the equipment with their parent.

Well, think of all the good you and she are doing. There will be parents who will enjoy feeling smug about how good and well-behaved their child is by comparison. Who knows, keep your eyes open and they may yet post on MN.

oh what tosh,op has robustly rebuked comments she no likey
op doesn't particularly impose boundaries re the class she's said that
IMO,take the wee lassie to another activity

I thuink the phrase you're looking for, OP, is anywaaaaaaaaaaaay....

I enrolled DS in a Soccer4Tots class at 2.5. He was a bit younger than the others who were mostly around 3, but it was a small class, so the teacher thought it would be fine.

He absolutely loved it, but that did manifest itself in him running around, chatting to the others, and not really understanding a lot of the instructions.

I was mortified, and hovered like a bitch, I'm afraid to say. I was that hovering mother, while all the others got to sit and have a good gossip as their DC behaved perfectly and did what they were told. DD was nearly 1 at the time, pre-walking and a bit clingy, so most of my hovering was done with her on my hip. :-/

It was good for him though because he slowly began to Get It and gradually got a lot more out of the class as a result. 2.5 is young, maybe a bit too young for classes for some little ones, but if you are going to do it, then I think you owe it to everyone - the teacher, the other kids and parents and your DC to at least try to make it work!

Lol @ anywaaaaaay...

I don't agree with a lot of the comments as I think they're a bag of shite.

Some great comments on here though and so glad to hear that it's not just my toddler causing me grief!

Scottishmummy, there's no boundaries at class because none have been established. Blahdiblah will talk to teachers next week etc etc I've only rebuked comments that have either been insulting or to give further info/confirmation. If you don't like how I've dealt with the thread shrugs but I'll be damned before somebody critiscizes me and my child with nary a decent reason for it.

NurseBernard, I am dreading being the hovering mum. Probably because a lot of the times I've seen it it's been entirely unnecessary. However, if needs must, I will become the HoverMother. Terrifying prospect.

I think that getting into structured classes is so important, hence this fairly informal class as a stepping stone. Fingers crossed all will be fine and well. (And DD will wake up tomorrow and never ever have another tantrum again. Well I can dream eh?)

you've set yourself up for a pasting
your description is of spoilt wee girl, and indulgent parent and gp
but hey ho, it's not a deep or significant thread

You've said several times that you're not sure how to approach it?
Hint:- cringing in the corner and hoping for the best is the wrong answer.

you don't need to be hovermother
if you don't curtail self you'll be the helicopter parent or the arm gripper at school gate,hanging off teacher earnestly about dd
you seem to anticipate a role for fussing and hovering...why

Do it, MrsC, you know you have to.

FEIW, I have totally dined out on my Soccer-Mom-hovering-like-a-helicopter-on-crack gig. It's not all bad; you can make it work for you.

Floggingmolly. Yeaaaah got that.

Some previous posters have had success with other methods though. More info-upthread.

Scottishmummy. I don't anticipate a role for fussing/hovering. It's a style of parenting that I cannot generally abide.

If it's something that will work for my daughter though and it's what she requires then I'll do it. Hover, not fuss though, can't be doing with that.

As NurseBernard described, sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do to get the required result.

buts that's how all the pushy maws justify hovering
doing best for child,doing what is needed
you are describing that you will fuss,hover,and arm grip the teachers if need be

"She has not long started dance classes (tap,ballet,disco.) And she is loving it, but is prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing."

If I were another mum, with a toddler able to follow the class, after teaching my child to actually follow the class and concentrate, I would be furious when your child joined, and ruined all the discipline I had managed to instill in my own child during dance class. I would find both you and your child annoying.

Most children are doted on by their families. Yours is not unique.

I described that?

News to me!

Some of you need to be a bit less literal and get a sense of humour/put this in perspective a bit.

A spot of hovering in this situation will not necessarily equate a future forever more arm-gripping teachers, pushing, fussing and hovering.

"It's a style of parenting that I cannot generally abide. "

Which is why you have a child that is running wild in social settings.

oh sorry, not social settings, in dance class.

it's your op that is

I would ask the teacher a leading question like

"do you feel she's disrupting the class and that i should be more strict with her?" - so that its easy for the teacher to say "yes please". Which she may say.

Or if she says "This is normal for the first half term" you know to just chill out a bit.

Damned if I do. Damned if I don't.

Preferring not to be a hover parent is not the reason why my daughter can get fidgety in ballet.

Anyone else care to shoehorn some ridiculous nonsense in?

My OP infers that I am a hovery type parent?

See, that's funny, because upthread I was seemingly doing nothing at all with regards to my child's behaviour and taking flak for it.

They directly cancel each other out so nah, neither of those I'm afraid.

CaptainVonTrapp. That's probably a good idea. I'll probably just ask if they want me to step in for ballet and I'll try and persuade DD that being at the back for ballet is the best

I definitely don't think it's unusual for this age group, but I just haven't been sure whether I should step in and interfere or to let the group leaders deal with it. Stepping on toes and suchlike.