Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I will be able to leave a 2 month old breast fed --hopefully-- baby at home with dad (and expressed milk) for 1 day a week.

84 replies

honeytea · 31/08/2012 19:31

I'd love some advice about my parental leave plan, I'm not sure if I am being really unrealistic.

It's a little long winded I apologise!

We live in Sweden so we are very lucky to get 18 months of paid parental leave to share between me and DP, the rules are that we both have to take at least 60 days and DP gets 2 free weeks directly after the birth. To make things more confusing if we split the leave 50/50 we get a bonus of around 1500 pounds (so it would be usefull to split it 50/50.)

PFB is due in December so our plan is for DP to take his 2 weeks leave, then holiday for 2 weeks (over christmas so it will add up to around 5 weeks all in all.) When the baby is 8 weeks we were thinking of DP working 4 days a week and me working 1 day, I am intending to breast feed, I know it might not work out for me and the baby but I hope it goes well, if I do BF DP (hopefully) give the baby expressed breast milk whilst I am at work. Has anyone any advice about this? could breast milk but from a bottle negatively eggect BF?

Also am I crazy to consider leaving my 8 week old baby for an entire day when I do have the option of staying at home, will I be a weeping wreck on the train to work in the morning?

To get the bonus we would have to change over when the baby is around 9 months so I would work 4 days and DP 1 day. DP has never changed a nappy and despite being very excited about the idea of being a dad doesn't really have much interest in children in general, should I maybe push for me to take all the leave myself.

I have no idea what it's like to have a baby of my own, I am making all these plans based on logistics not emotions I would love some advice regarding how it feels to have a baby.

:)

OP posts:
Original poster
honeytea · 02/09/2012 18:25

Thank you for the fantastic advice!

We have been talking it over the last few days and we plan to have a long holiday to the uk in march so it would make sence to go back to work after that holiday rather than do a few weeks then take 3-4 weeks holiday. The baby will be 4 months by mid april and that does feel a better age to start leaving him.

We went to visit our friends last night with their newborn its the 1st time i have seen dp with a newborn and he was very sweet and tender with the baby but he didn't have that new born nack that you need, the sort of constant swaying that they like, i guess he will pick it up.

:)

OP posts:
catgirl2012 · 02/09/2012 18:52

I left mine to go back to work when he was 4 months. That was manegable.

In all honesty I don't think it would have been at 2 monts. I was still in shock :)

Good luck with whatever you decide

calendula · 02/09/2012 19:15

You will need to express at work/meet your baby for lunch otherwise you risk leaking at best and engorgement, mastitis and pain at worst.

Try to get your baby to drink expressed breast milk from a bottle quite early on. In my exprience BF babies take a while to get used to a bottle - one week was not enough time for my 3 DC!

Be aware that 5 weeks, 3 months and 5 months are typical growth spurts and your baby will probably want to feed all the time for about a week at these times - this stimulates your milk production and you can be quite "leaky".

hairytale · 02/09/2012 20:49

It's going to depend on a whole host of things.

I was still very unwell until four months post-partum, due to a difficult birth.

I don't think I left my baby until about 12 weeks for longer than an hour - and until recently (she's 7 months) I got very jumpy away from her for more than two hours.

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:14

I have done this and it isn't unreasonable. Get your baby to do one feed with a bottle. When I breast fed my husband did the 11 o'clock bottle and I did the night feed. This meant that I could get to bed early so had a lot of sleep before having to get up. The only downside with expressing is that it takes a lot of organisation. So you will literally need to plan all week to express. It is doable though! I also used formula when I didn't have enough and did successfully combine both. However ds then decided to become exclusively breast fed which did go on rather a long time!! (maybe longer than I wished!)

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:14

I have done this and it isn't unreasonable. Get your baby to do one feed with a bottle. When I breast fed my husband did the 11 o'clock bottle and I did the night feed. This meant that I could get to bed early so had a lot of sleep before having to get up. The only downside with expressing is that it takes a lot of organisation. So you will literally need to plan all week to express. It is doable though! I also used formula when I didn't have enough and did successfully combine both. However ds then decided to become exclusively breast fed which did go on rather a long time!! (maybe longer than I wished!)

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:14

I have done this and it isn't unreasonable. Get your baby to do one feed with a bottle. When I breast fed my husband did the 11 o'clock bottle and I did the night feed. This meant that I could get to bed early so had a lot of sleep before having to get up. The only downside with expressing is that it takes a lot of organisation. So you will literally need to plan all week to express. It is doable though! I also used formula when I didn't have enough and did successfully combine both. However ds then decided to become exclusively breast fed which did go on rather a long time!! (maybe longer than I wished!)

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:14

I have done this and it isn't unreasonable. Get your baby to do one feed with a bottle. When I breast fed my husband did the 11 o'clock bottle and I did the night feed. This meant that I could get to bed early so had a lot of sleep before having to get up. The only downside with expressing is that it takes a lot of organisation. So you will literally need to plan all week to express. It is doable though! I also used formula when I didn't have enough and did successfully combine both. However ds then decided to become exclusively breast fed which did go on rather a long time!! (maybe longer than I wished!)

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:15

Sorry I phone had a dicky fit and posted 3 times!!

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:16

I have done this and it isn't unreasonable. Get your baby to do one feed with a bottle. When I breast fed my husband did the 11 o'clock bottle and I did the night feed. This meant that I could get to bed early so had a lot of sleep before having to get up. The only downside with expressing is that it takes a lot of organisation. So you will literally need to plan all week to express. It is doable though! I also used formula when I didn't have enough and did successfully combine both. However ds then decided to become exclusively breast fed which did go on rather a long time!! (maybe longer than I wished!)

olgaga · 02/09/2012 21:17

Mine took it from a spoon the first time, but then flatly refused after that. Good luck.

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:18

So sorry it keeps reposting!

olgaga · 02/09/2012 21:18

Oh yeah - I had forgotten about the hugely engorged breasts and leaking right through my jacket...

thetrackisback · 02/09/2012 21:25

Oh I forgot about that bit!!! I bottle fed the second time I had twins sO was just easier! However it is a pain having to organise bottles! BF you could just go and not worry about it!

Flisspaps · 02/09/2012 21:40

To answer your question about pumping before the baby is born (once you reach term), it's safe, but you will only get colostrum in tiny amounts so you won't be able to bank milk prior to the birth as it doesn't come in until you are 3-5 days post partum.

SirBoobAlot · 02/09/2012 21:42

I think your plan of from four months is more logical, really. And certainly puts less stress on you to try and get expressing sorted so early on along with breastfeeding. :) Its possible, of course, but if you can avoid doing it by taking a bit more of that time to yourself, it will just be easier on you.

olgaga · 02/09/2012 22:10

I'm just pleased I didn't plan much at all after my first, the few bits of work I did plan after 3 months were hard enough.

She came 3 weeks early, was tiny, BF was really hard but I stuck with it, then she had a hernia...

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, it might all be plain sailing - but then again it might not!

Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

roseum · 02/09/2012 22:29

There is lots of useful breastfeeding advice on KellyMom. One thing, don't try to introduce a bottle too early, or it can muck up establishment of breastfeeding. However, don't leave it too late or the baby mayn't take a bottle at all!

porcamiseria · 02/09/2012 22:33

I think you will be fine , good luck!!!

PervyMuskrat · 02/09/2012 22:58

Just to give a slightly different experience, I found expressing really easy and could get (literally) litres expressed over the course of a week (as well as feeding DS). DS also happily took a bottle from an early age, no matter who was offering it (DH, DM, DMIL, DF, randoms off the street etc Smile)

MagicHouse · 02/09/2012 23:07

I would go with the "don't make too many plans" advice too, and wait til you meet your baby to decide! My DD refused to take a bottle til 6 months, and I couldn't express more than a few tablespoons even after an hour or so of doing it!
I turned out to be a mum who hated the thought of leaving her baby (never thought I would be as bad as I was!!). I co-slept (horrified at the thought before I had her), breastfed on demand (expected to be in a routine!).... see how you (and your baby!) feel before you make any definite decisions!

Backtobedlam · 02/09/2012 23:25

Your plan of 4months sounds great. I left both mine fairly early on, and dd for a whole weekend at just 3 months (both bf) i know it's not for everyone but it is possible. I found expressing really difficult with a manual pump but so much easier with an electric. I used to feed off one side and express off the other at the same time, as I got much more milk with my baby stimulating the let down. I then saved the milk in storage bags (they do them specifically for breast milk) and froze it. This way I always had a stock of milk in for emergencies, and could build up a decent quantity. Hope this helps and isn't too much! Goodluck and enjoy.

flow4 · 03/09/2012 01:48

I went back to work when DS2 was 4 months old and still totally breastfed, because that was all the maternity leave I was allowed under UK rules at the time. I was never able to express. We introduced some solids at that point, but DS2 wouldn't take a bottle, or a cup, or even sip anything from a spoon! His dad brought him to meet me in a cafe every lunchtime and I fed him there - really it wasn't for food so much as drink, since breastmilk was his only fluid. He also began to BF much more often at night as sort of 'mummy catch-up time'.

It was really hard and I would have stayed at home longer if I could have done. BUT DS2 has a very strong and valuable relationship with his dad, as well as with me - much closer than most of his friends.

BTW, I don't think anyone else has answered your Q about whether you should start expressing to store milk before birth... I've never heard of that before, and it made me interested enough to do some research. It seems it is recommended if there is a possibility that your baby may not be able to get breastmilk in the first hours or days, since this contains vital colostrum (EG if s/he may have trouble breastfeeding, or you are unable to feed). This article (it's a PDF doc) gives comprehensive info and advice, tho it's v technical :)

BeeBee12 · 03/09/2012 07:40

Yeah I think you could do it easily.I have had a few friends do it for longer times than that at 2 months in to do their degrees.No problems at all.I did it with my first bottle feeding at 10 days for that reason and have left second at 2 months in to do stuff breast feeding and she was away at the night by that point.

Both have been completely fine except with bfing just tried a couple of different bottles and she liked dr browns.

olgaga · 03/09/2012 08:00

I've never ever heard of expressing milk before the birth! I certainly didn't have anything to express.

Swipe left for the next trending thread