AIBU to think I will be able to leave a 2 month old breast fed --hopefully-- baby at home with dad (and expressed milk) for 1 day a week.

[honeytea]

I'd love some advice about my parental leave plan, I'm not sure if I am being really unrealistic.

It's a little long winded I apologise!

We live in Sweden so we are very lucky to get 18 months of paid parental leave to share between me and DP, the rules are that we both have to take at least 60 days and DP gets 2 free weeks directly after the birth. To make things more confusing if we split the leave 50/50 we get a bonus of around 1500 pounds (so it would be usefull to split it 50/50.)

PFB is due in December so our plan is for DP to take his 2 weeks leave, then holiday for 2 weeks (over christmas so it will add up to around 5 weeks all in all.) When the baby is 8 weeks we were thinking of DP working 4 days a week and me working 1 day, I am intending to breast feed, I know it might not work out for me and the baby but I hope it goes well, if I do BF DP (hopefully) give the baby expressed breast milk whilst I am at work. Has anyone any advice about this? could breast milk but from a bottle negatively eggect BF?

Also am I crazy to consider leaving my 8 week old baby for an entire day when I do have the option of staying at home, will I be a weeping wreck on the train to work in the morning?

To get the bonus we would have to change over when the baby is around 9 months so I would work 4 days and DP 1 day. DP has never changed a nappy and despite being very excited about the idea of being a dad doesn't really have much interest in children in general, should I maybe push for me to take all the leave myself.

I have no idea what it's like to have a baby of my own, I am making all these plans based on logistics not emotions I would love some advice regarding how it feels to have a baby.

:)

I don't think you'll miss out on "all the special bits" by working for only a day a week - I think it will be a nice change and sounds a very good idea for your long-term plans too.

I never cried in the car when I left my babies, there's no reason for you to be an emotional wreck, especially to go to a job you like.

Actually it's easier if you leave them earlier on I think - once they are 8 or 9 months old it is much harder I would think (and my childminder says).

One day is only 2-3 bottles of milk which is not that hard over a whole week to express - btw I couldn't express with a manual pump but had no problems with an electric one.

Good luck with your plans, I would keep thinking positively about it, get ready gradually so that you can freeze some milk extra in case of emergencies and you should be fine.

I pretty much did this and it worked fine. I loved also having a day's "freedom" away from my lovely baby. I breastfed exclusively to 6 months - dad would always give at least one expressed milk feed a day from 2 weeks and often two (a dream feed and an awake feed). Get a good electric breast pump. And enjoy your day tutoring and a cup of coffee on your own!

I don't really want to be buying välling if I'm making free milk, I hope that is a good enough reason for the health visitor :)

There is no way you would need to express at night to cover one day of work a week (just to reiterate - please don't panic!).

If your baby is reluctant to take a bottle at first (assuming you can express no problem - I'm another one who took a week to get enough for a single feed), then go out (or at least into another room) - a lot of BF babies won't take a bottle if they think there's boob available

No i only expressed like that when at college.

He was feeding more than that through the night.

You are not Naive you are going to be a mummy and every other mummy has been there before you. You will find a way that suits your family.
My only advice is if in doubt feed and mummy is always right.
The same advice would apply to your DH when he is left holding the baby expect daddy is always right until mummy gets home

I expressed morning feed and tea time ish feed from 2 weeks old so I could get a stash and get used to expressing. I just expressed from the spare breast during a feed.

It's great to hear it has worked for so many people :) The job is nice and I really enjoy it, also it helps because the person I would need to call if the baby was ill or had not slept all night would be the kid's mum and they are lovely and have been really understanding with the occasional missed day because of appointments and other pregnacy issues being sick on the train

I worked one day a week with ebf DS from when he was 12 weeks old. I was fortunate to be close to work so could come home at lunchtime for a feed - and if a lunch feed is an option I would seriously consider it. It worked out fine but I did have to invest a fair bit of time prior to going back to building up stocks of expressed milk (a spreadsheet was involved but that's probably just me), and although I did put a lot of effort into this, plus expressed twice a day in the office (which I did find a pita) I couldn't express much and I only sustained it for 12 weeks (when I changed hours to 4 mornings and introduced a formula feed on those mornings, which then got dropped again about 9 months iirc). We carried on feeding til 16mo. Not sure if any of that helps at all, would second keeping an open mind, good luck!

Oh on the other part of your question, I agree with UnderWaterBasketWeaving about sharing childcare. We've been very fortunate with supportive employers and for a few years now I have worked part-time and DH full-time but on a 9 day fortnight. It's too complicated (and boring for others!) to explain but it means we spend alternate Weds with our DS and I think it's really been fantastic for equal parenting.

I must will my boobs to make milk for a pump and a baby!

Is it a good idea to pump before the birth once you are considered full term?

I've been expressing every day (nearly) since DD was born (now 4.5 months) to keep my meagre supply going, but never been able to get more than 4oz, more usually 3oz, over the course of the day.

So if you end up having similar supply issues you certainly wouldn't produce enough for the day - so it's worth being prepared for the fact your DH might need to give formula too. Obviously you'd be able to feed 1st thing and as soon as you get home, too. Good luck!

Am I missing something?

If you're going to be returning to work at week 9 for 4 days a week, thn you're only talking about doing this arrangement for 1 week, anyway.

Or you might end up with hard boobs by lunch time! that's what happened when I went for a meeting in London whilst in mat leave and left DS with dh. I brought my pump etc with me. By the time it was lunch break, my boobs were leaking!

Good luck. It all sound v sensible!!

Ah sorry - re-read; you're returning at 9 months!

As for the plan, well it's technically feasible but there's a fair few obstacles that all combined will probably put the kibosh on it.

Not to be negative, just realistic. Many women don't get on with expressing, or they do, but the amount they can express is only a fraction of what the baby is abe to take directly. You'd need to express loads to take into consideration wastage - baby not wanting a prepared bottle and then having to throw it away, etc.

You'll have to be able to express at work to stop engorgement and keep your supply up.

Your DH will have to be properly engaged and committed, enthusiastic for this to work as unfortunately it won't be as easy as just making up a bottle of formula. Your expressed supply will pretty much be like gold dust; when it's gone for the day, it's gone.

Baby will need to take a bottle, which doesn't always happen. Baby will need to be able to be effectively comforted by something other than a breastfeed, which for breastfed babies used to Mum, can be tricky. However, if you build this into your routine very, very early on it's not to say it's not doable.

Basically - there's a reason you don't hear of many people doing this, and it's not just because of lax parental leave laws in other countries. The early newborn weeks and months can be incredibly tough as it is and adding in this sort of pressure situation can be enough to tip people over the edge, especially when there are other options which I can see that it would soooo tempting to just relent to and use, i.e. formula.

I breastfed both mine exclusively for well over a year, but never got on with expressing at all. I loathed it. I was eiher directly feeding, or strapped up to the machine. Seriously, in those early days when establishing supply you do little else than have your baby to your breast. So if you're expressing, then the only break you get is spent sitting in the sofa hooked up to suction caps!

All I would say is go into it with an option mind, but when it comes to babies - well, best laid plans, and all that...

I expressed most days with both DDs and effectively stocked my freezer with BM that DH could use if I was out or needed a nap/whatever. It might be worth starting with that to have a bit spare.

We practised with DH feeding them expressed BM from very early on, so knowing that they were able to take either boob or bottle was reassuring. Though I was the main one to feed them, I didn't have to feel chained to it. Perhaps try it early on, then you don't have the pressure of having to 'crack' bottle feeding just before you return to work.

Despite the big BF culture here, I don't know of many girlfriends who expressed. If you're teaching in a school, you should be able to find a quiet spot to pump during the day. Might be more tricky in someone's home though! The Avent pump (which I used) comes with a cool bag and gel packs so that you can use it when you're out of the house. I do remember a colleague (not in Swe) who would cheerfully announce after lunch that she was going to 'pump up the jam' and disappear to the first aid room for 20 mins or so. Seemed to work for her

In Sweden they have both ersättning (formula) such as NAN and välling (porridge/formula stuff) such as Semper. Both available in the supermarket either in cartons or as powder to mix up. I think that välling is from 6 months. Ersättning can be used from birth. According to what you want of course!

I did this at 4 months, so later, but I think it's possible. You're unlikely to be able to express a full days supply while you're at work but if you express every morning of the week after your morning bf (while you're "full") then there's a very good chance that you'll build up enough in the freezer to cover your day at work.

YANBU...

and I am emigrating to Sweden! Your maternity laws sound awesome!

I easily bf my three DD's but couldn't express, so that is the only part that you may have to rethink.

I gave up trying to express as it was making me miserable and stressed, in my case i accepted that i couldn't return as soon as i thought, so you may have to accept ff for a day and 'milk' yourself on breaks.

Mine took both bottle and breast from day 1 with no issues and would take a bottle from anyone (greed I think)

I did struggle to express at first but got there in the end with an electric pump and a lot of patience. I owuld start trying to express a good few weeks before you plan to go back to work just in case it takes you a while too

You will need to express at work, otherwise it could be painful for you.

I would have hated to have done what you are planning. 2 months is very young to be apart from the baby. Can you take longer off work? Take the full 18 months.

Your work have to provide you with a room to express in

I did it. It was a bit of a pain. They put a lock on the door after the (male) cleaner walked in on me

I can see why you want to do this - but it might be better waiting until the baby is born to make a decision - is that possible? It's a great deal and would be wonderful for your partner - BUT...he might find an 8 week old breastfed baby would rather have breast on demand than her daddy!

At 8 weeks I was still cluster feeding and feeding on demand - ie. no predictable pattern and lots of comfort sucking/ very long feeds. I know people do schedule babys feeds and do also FF but if the baby is breastfed, it might be that she/he finds it difficult to suddenly switch to being fed X amount at X time.

Sweden souds awesome and I want your job :)

Back to the question, hmmmm. I would look at a slightly different back to work plan with 3 months off to get used to new baby stuff and recover physically, and up the number of days your dh spends at the toddler stage, going 50:50 at that stage. When they are ebf, it's a pain looking after them if you have no boob to offer, and they might not accept a bottle. Plus all the new baby hormones for you make it hard to be separated from them. They're more active and 'fun' when toddlers for other people to look after, and your dh might get more out of it then, unless he's particularly enamoured of small babies. Dh was never that bothered til 9 months + really, loved them of course, but not that 'interested'

If you can try not to make any decisions too soon. Not everyone can express, not all BF babies will take a bottle and what you think is sensible now might be very different to how you feel once your baby actually arrives.

After having dd, wild horses wouldn't have dragged me away from her so soon. I was a weeping, hormonal, bleeding STILL, pnd-ridden grotbag.

After having ds, I was much saner happier and possibly could have managed it. I wouldn't have wanted to though.

The other thing is that at 9mo, there's no way on this planet I could have left ds, even if I wanted to. He has had severe separation anxiety and being away from me even for an hour at that age made him really very ill and unhappy. He turns 1 tomorrow and he's better but still clings desperately to me, dh just will not do (and dh is around and hands on in every single thing, it's just the way ds is).

It's so hard to know what it will be like when you have the baby. Your plans are feasible and actually fairly attractive to an outsider, but your emotional state and ability to express remain to be seen.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!