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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird and not return his books?

75 replies

CharlesBakerHarris · 31/08/2012 19:28

Bit of background: both in early 30s, single, no kids, live about an hour apart. We started dating at Christmas, really got on, saw each other most weekends and sometimes during the week. He has a Very Important Job which seemed to take up more and more of his time, and he started distancing himself in early April. I noticed, but didn't really acknowledge it.

Anyway, at the end of May, just before we were supposed to be going away for a weekend (and just before his birthday, when I'd already bought him presents, the rat!) he rang and said he "needed space to sort his head out". (I.e. "You're dumped, but I don't know how to tell you.") He said he'd like to stay in touch, and other similar platitudes, but basically, he dumped me. I didn't really see the point in staying in touch, so took him off facebook, Skype etc, and haven't contacted or heard from him since.

Until today, when a book and two DVDs I'd lent him arrived in the post, accompanied by a, frankly weird, letter:

Date (Who does that on a piece of paper torn from a notepad??)

Hey Charles,

Apologies for the delay (DELAY?? It's been three months!!) but I've been meaning to return the stuff I borrowed from you.

Hope this finds you well. How was your holiday? Having a good summer so far?

I feel so retro writing you a letter!

Take care,

Ex x x

AIBU to think the timing/ manner of this is weird? And to not reply/ return the books I borrowed from him? Or is that just petty?

OP posts:
LemarchandsBox · 31/08/2012 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badgersnatch · 31/08/2012 19:31

I would ignore it and give his stuff to the charity shop. I am very much in the "he's an ex for a reason" camp.

LeeCoakley · 31/08/2012 19:32

Have I missed something? It sounds normal to me. What's the bit you find weird?

honeytea · 31/08/2012 19:34

He sounds a little odd! Sounds like he is regretting the dumping but doesn't really know how to go about fixing it.

I hope you found use for the pre bought birthday pressie :)

WorraLiberty · 31/08/2012 19:36

I agree with LeeCoakley

What's weird about him returning your stuff and popping a little cover note in the parcel? Confused

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 31/08/2012 19:36

At least he's polite enough to return your stuff.

He hasn't asked for his back, so keep it, recycle it, whatever.

No need to think it weird though

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 19:36

I don't think it sounds that odd either.

If you think he was a wanker then don't return the books, but he sounds like he just told you how he felt and let you down gently, it's not a crime to end a relationship (however much the rejection hurts).

facejacker · 31/08/2012 19:37

I have to agree withLee, and say I don't really find anything odd about the note. Don't get me wrong, he sounds like a muppet, but I guess it's always awkward sending stuff back/wanting stuff from an ex...

Personally, I would ignore him completely, and not send anything back unless he specifically asks. That should make him sweat!

facejacker · 31/08/2012 19:38

x-post with Agent!

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 19:38

Just out total nosiness, what books were they?

DowagersHump · 31/08/2012 19:38

Doesn't seem at all weird to me. He's not asking you to return his books is he? Confused

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 19:39

And I x-posted with everyone else saying the same thing, so we must be right Grin

WilsonFrickett · 31/08/2012 19:39

I am just not seeing how that is a weird note. He's sent you back your stuff. It's been a while so he said sorry. He's chucked in a few platitudes. He thinks writing a letter is significantly unusual to remark on it. Then he said goodbye. He could maybe have skipped the kisses, but really, you think that's weird?

OvO · 31/08/2012 19:39

I think it's odd to ask questions about your holiday. As if he expects you to start up something again. Why not the note minus those questions? That wouldnt be odd.

Original poster
CharlesBakerHarris · 31/08/2012 19:40

LeeCoakley (and others!) It was just the radio silence for three months, then a chatty note, as if we were old friends who just hadn't seen each other for a while. You're right, it's not weird weird, it's just taken me a bit by surprise I suppose as after this length of time I wasn't expecting to hear from him again. And he didn't specifically ask for his stuff back, but I suppose the polite thing would be to send it anyway.

I like the sorting office suggestion, but don't feel bitter - think charity shop may be the way to go.

Honeytea, that's what my sister said. The pressies are back in my pressie cupboard - will find a recipient for them at some point!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/08/2012 19:41

I think he just sounds nice and very polite

If you borrowed books from him then you should give them back

It's only right

makemineachardonnay · 31/08/2012 19:42

Nope, can't see anything odd about writing a note, sounds perfectly normal to me!
Since when has traditional letter or note writing been seen as weird and odd?!
A covering note to go with returned CD's etc sounds reasonable to me. Nicer than just being stuffed in an envelope and nothing said.

Original poster
CharlesBakerHarris · 31/08/2012 19:43

WilsonFrickett / OvO - I think the questions are weird. Why not say "I hope you enjoyed your holiday." No response required.

I think maybe I'm over-analysing this!

OP posts:
Helltotheno · 31/08/2012 19:43

Could he be trying to start a convo? Anyway my advice is just ignore completely. And well done on instantly cutting him off FB, skype etc, that was a good move. People spend too much time fannying out hoping the dumper will have a change of heart etc. Be brutal about these things is my motto. If someone doesn't want you any more, give them zero opportunity for contact.

Hope you feel you're moving on OP? :)

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 19:43

The questions just sound friendly OvO, as though he likes the OP but not for a relationship.

It would have read worse if it was clipped and rude.

He sounds considerate enough.

pictish · 31/08/2012 19:43

Sounds fine to me too!

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 19:46

An exes possessions should only be destroyed before being sent back when the person has dumped on you from a great height Grin not if they've let you down gently.

honeytea · 31/08/2012 19:48

I think what is strange is posting the stuff back, it's not much a couple of DVD's and a book, the postage must have cost a bit for it. I think it is an excuse for contact.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 31/08/2012 19:48

If the books etc are his, then return them. You're a theif if you don't, and have no excuse.
He was good enough to return your belongings, and even apologised for taking a while to do so, you didn't part after a big fight, or falling out, he didn't shit in your pockets or anything so why be bitchy towards him. Just send him his things. There's no need to make a big deal of it, just put them in a box and post them to him.

OvO · 31/08/2012 19:48

Oh I don't know! I just seems odd to ask questions as it makes it seem he wants a reply. And why would the OP want to reply to him after not hearing from him for months? He ignores her for months then when it suits him he pens a wee letter.

I'm probably doing him a disservice, I know. It probably was just a polite thing and he felt awkward with what to write. Just understand why the OP initially felt a bit hmm about it.