To think this is weird and not return his books?

[CharlesBakerHarris]

Bit of background: both in early 30s, single, no kids, live about an hour apart. We started dating at Christmas, really got on, saw each other most weekends and sometimes during the week. He has a Very Important Job which seemed to take up more and more of his time, and he started distancing himself in early April. I noticed, but didn't really acknowledge it.

Anyway, at the end of May, just before we were supposed to be going away for a weekend (and just before his birthday, when I'd already bought him presents, the rat!) he rang and said he "needed space to sort his head out". (I.e. "You're dumped, but I don't know how to tell you.") He said he'd like to stay in touch, and other similar platitudes, but basically, he dumped me. I didn't really see the point in staying in touch, so took him off facebook, Skype etc, and haven't contacted or heard from him since.

Until today, when a book and two DVDs I'd lent him arrived in the post, accompanied by a, frankly weird, letter:

Date (Who does that on a piece of paper torn from a notepad??)

Hey Charles,

Apologies for the delay (DELAY?? It's been three months!!) but I've been meaning to return the stuff I borrowed from you.

Hope this finds you well. How was your holiday? Having a good summer so far?

I feel so retro writing you a letter!

Take care,

Ex x x

AIBU to think the timing/ manner of this is weird? And to not reply/ return the books I borrowed from him? Or is that just petty?

Olympicmix I LOVE "I am flourishing"!

Good reply picknmix, OP not laying herself open to him, but a chance for him to reply if he wants to.

DeWe - No, you're right about the holiday thing. I was more annoyed about the presents anyway! And I think the underpaying-on-the-postage was tongue-in-cheek by the poster. I wouldn't have done that anyway.

It would give you closure, wouldn't it, if you didn't have anything of his either. No need for any further contact afterwards if you didn't want it.

That's a very good point.

Agent

You need to get yourself a copy of He's Just Not That Into You.

The OP's ex is a big boy, and if he ants her back (hich I doubt anyway, then he can and should tell her himself. Throwing yourself at a man after any smidge of encouragement is desperate and undignified, and ho wants a man who plays power games like that anyway?

Another vote for olympicmix. Spot on response.

I've got the book He's Never That Into You let's Face It.

I have discovered gardening.

Yes email him and ask.

I think he's fishing tbh. An ex of mine did this, not with books just asking how I was etc.. out of the blue. Had another from the US recently wanting to get back in touch Very odd? They must get a bit bored methinks?

I have had the misfortune of seeing that film one afternoon when there was fuck all else on princess

That's the good thing about picmixs postcard, the OP can test the water without looking needy.

You've got to wonder that if he was such a twat, or he didn't think much of the OP, he wouldn't have been so kind when he was giving her the big heave ho, or actually write to her after three months.

Not read the whole thread but I think you are over-thinking it.

I don't think the 'chatty/friendly' tone of the note is wierd - he's just trying to be light-hearted and friendly. I would be much more wierded-out if the note was all serious and stalker-ish.

He sounds pretty inoffensive IMO. I would return his stuff, with or without a quick note. Think good karma, etc

send his books back, no note, and never think of him again.

I know - I just saw my own heading on Active Conversations and imagined what "weird" thing I might have expected to be reading about. Not that!

I hold my hands up - IABU. I'll return the books. Will decide whether to include a note at a later point!

I sometimes 'weird' as in 'unexpected'.

I sometimes say . FFS

Yeah exactly, I meant a bit odd and unsettling weird, rather than shitting in an envelope weird.

So, good luck! Whatever you decide to do.

Its not a wierd note per se but I suspect he's one of those tedious ones who really means to keep in touch, so as to get attention from you sporadically when it suits him. The contact after a suitable delay is a classic method of starting up this type of thing.

They never really go away unless you make them.

Well, if you want to "be friends", enclose a chatty note with his things. If you can't be bothered, just send them back noteless. I reckon.

He's trying his luck.

I think he's just being polite. anyway what's wrong in an ex keeping in touch?
For old times sake I'd like to find out what some of my exs are doing now but I don't want to start up a relationship with them again.

Glad you're returning the books - my vote goes with "no note", or if you feel you must, just a "Here are your books - thanks for the loan". No need for any chat or dialogue at all.

Not at all weird. It sounds as if he was trying d to seem casual and friendly. I used to write questions I didn't really care what the answers were, just meaning to add a pleasantry to the note, and I still catch myself doing it and have to back space it out. Like "How was your summer?"" to "Hope you are having a nice summer"

I think he was being polite and since you cut off electronic communication, he did the next best thing. And I always date a note, even ones I leave for dh or ds on the kitchen counter written on a paper napkin in marker.

Sounds perfectly normal. Not every breakup has to be a huge meoldramatic opera. Do the decent thing and send him his books back too. It is totally normal to write the date on a note.