To wonder how bad it would be of me to stop bfing?

[finduspancakes]

My LO is about 3 months and still feeding hourly. Its so tiring and makes doing anything so complicated. I struggle to pump as I dont get much. Would it be selfish of me to ff? How much damage would it actually do?

What sling have you tried for feeding, OP?

I have big boobs too - 32G at the end of feeding - I found it do-able.

I used a woven wrap sling and kept him upright in it. If you loosen it a bit you can jiggle the bay down to nipple height and either support your breast with one hand, or get a support. I used the utterly yours breast cushion - it's a little memory foam wedge that keeps your breast higher. You can also help by resting your breast on the top of your bra cup, rather than undoing it. I rarely managed hands free but I could comfortably feed with one hand while walking around the shops or out with DS1.

Desperately - are you telling me about your dc's by way of casting doubt on the medical evidence?

I didn't say bf was a magic bullet which prevents all illness. I didnt imply it. Why are you suggesting that I or anyone else has?

Is it because you've no answer to what I actually said and therefore need to make something up to object to?

OK, just to bring some light and love to this thread... I BF for over a year because I am fat, lazy and cheap. The first few weeks were bloody awful. I never left the sofa or the house. But after the first bit it was soooo convenient. Always had food for DD, she never had to wait for anything. Mess-free, no bottles to clean or sterilize. I dropped pounds of baby weight. I could just leave the house without thinking because if had DD and the nappy bag, I didn't need anything else.

Also, when she got a hideous tummy bug because BM isn't magical and they do get sick I was informed that she couldn't have formula and only clear liquids. It turns out BM is considered a clear liquid and so my baby was drinking loads and happy while my FF friend's baby was hungry and miserable with the same bug. I flew with her at 3 months. Boob in mouth, quiet the whole way which would have been great except for my back.

If you can stick it out, BFing is actually the easy option. It's just the first bit. Don't do that thing that so many people do, get through the hard bit and give up just when you reap all the rewards.

Before you make the decision as to whether to continue to breastfeed, seek some medical help - lactation consultant would be best, HV would be another option.

Hourly feeding (even if only during the day) would not be a "normal" feeding pattern at 3m. You would expect awake playtime to be longer than this and definitely desireable (for all) for sleeps to be longer than 1hour (or less by the time you take out feeding time).

You need to find out if baby is feeding for hunger, comfort and/or sleep... because if the first - a few top up formula feeds will see your supply dwindle extremely quickly to nothing. If comfort, is there a medical caused pain etc that can be making baby needing frequent comforting. If sleep, are they waking between sleep cycles and therefore actually perpetually tired and cranky (and you will be too).

Certainly medical research shows bm is best and any artificial milk changes the digestive process - but it isn't EVIL or BAD, just a lesser quality food. It's not like you're proposing to leave the child to be raised by wolves.

Fatigue and isolation is also undesireable for you and baby, so if your circumstance makes formula the solution for you, then embrace it and know that 3m of bm will be the most brilliant start for your baby.

TBH, I don't think her latch has ever been great. When she latches well, she pulls off after a while and latches just on the nipple. I'll see if I can get to a bf cafe, thank you.

Both of my dc fed vociferously in the beginning. With dd (dc1), I got stuck in a v difficult cycle. I'd sit on the sofa, she'd want to feed. I was exhausted and stayed on the sofa. DD wanted to feed. I was exhausted and depressed.

When I had ds, I had to get out to get dd to school. I had to retain my sanity better. So I got up and went out. And ds fed in the sling (woven wrap) and I got on with it. And ds had more to distract him, the motion of being carried, a whole new world to explore. I know it isn't that simple, that it can seem so daunting to just get up, dressed and out, but with ds I HAD to do it and it just got easier and easier.

Of course if you want to switch or to mix feed then do it. But do it from an informed pov and do it because it's the right decision, not because you think it's a straight choice between two rigid options. Good support is a must either way.

AIBU's crap for bfing discussion. Because there are facts about bfing/ffing and stating them can end up with namecalling. Like bfing is the norm and ff introduces risk, that's just fact. But it's not just about those small risks, it's about what works for one particular mother/child relationship. FF might introduce minimal risks where gastroenteritis is concerned for example but it might also introduce the opportunity to sleep in larger chunks. You do what's right for you and you do it with as much support as possible.

Oh and can you feed lying down atm? Nights are so much easier if you can. Just while you're deciding.

Findus, ds1 fed non stop for god knows how many weeks, I don't really remember. Turns out he was tongue tied.

have a read of this and see if it is familiar. You may have already been told that there is no tongue tie, but many HCPs don't know what they are looking for!

It was your last post about slipping off the nipple that makes me wonder.

my DS1 only had his tongue tie for 8 days but it also caused him to fall off and not stay latched on well maw

just do what needs done and enjoy your baby. oh and i fell in some jaggy thistles once-like the name!

Breastfeeding doesn't have to mean regular feeds. If the latch is right, you are offering both breasts (waking the baby up if they dozed off during a feed or after 1 breast) then there's nothing to stop a decent gap between feeds.

it's your choice, you shouldn't be pressured either way.

having said that, at three months you aren't established in breastfeeding and you haven't (if you're like everyone else) made the mental adjustments needed to cope when you have someone dependent on you twenty four hours a day.

if you want to continue, giving the odd formula feed won't stop you being a successful breastfeeder. that's for sure.

the key to successful breastfeeding is to think of it as what the baby does to survive - it's like breathing, it goes on all the time - and to think of the baby as part of your body, like an arm or leg, that you wouldn't put down for a while or leave while you did something else.

at three months (and a lot longer) feeding every 20 minutes is right. don't think of it as feeding. its not preparing and offering a meal, its popping a nipple in an eager little mouth and having a cuddle you both want.

OP, my DC1 was similar to your DC and I exclusively BF'd to four months. By that time I was wrung out and miserable, I tried absolutely everything suggested by HVs, my mum and books/interwebs. When I had DC2 I was dreading BF'ingn but planning to do it. When she was born she was taken to special care and the consultant paediatrician told me they were going to give her a bottle overnight. I was so relieved. I mix fed DC2 for six months. I would go to bed at 10pm and DH would stay up to give her the last feed (formula) and later I also gave her formula during the night. Despite all the warnings about mixed feeding, it was so much better for me. My DC2 is almost as tall as my DC1 despite being more than 2 yrs younger. I sometimes wonder if I starved poor DC1 during those first four months.

You've done well to get to 3 months, bf certainly isn't easy. I wonder if your latch is right though, and also if you are producing enough milk. Babies tend to glue themselves to you particularly if they are going through a growth spurt in order to get you to produce more milk. Are you eating and drinking plenty of water? Before you give up, I'd get in touch with a bf counsellor or the la leche league, to see if they can give you any advice. If you feel you cant carry on after that then don't berate yourself for using formula. You want to enjoy your time with your baby too.

YANBU. It's completely up to you and FF is fine.

eating and drinking more/less will not affect supply, just keep you feeling better. It's a common and often repeated myth.

I did 3 months with DD, after a relatively easy start it became more difficult at this point. I made the decision to swap to bottles - just don't do what I did and stop cold turkey. I looked like a porn star my boobs expanded so much and were agony. Definitely cut down as recommended by everyone.

Bf is hardwork. You need to do what's right for you. Don't feel guilty whatever you decide.

OP I was a 36J for a while and managed to feed in a sling when DS was little :) She won't be suffocated, don't worry.

I really think you need to get to a breastfeeding group, ask your health visitor where the nearest peer support group, MILK or baby cafe gathering is. Even better, find a lactation consultant or breastfeeding counselor.

Also would encourage you again to repost this in feeding.

There are risks to formula feeding, mainly because formula is not sterile, and people too often make up bottles incorrectly. It also removes the "virgin gut" qualities you may have read about, because it is not the same quality of breast milk. Also, I believe, "Just One Bottle" looks at the fact that each bottle you introduce, if not done carefully, can reduce your supply, so is a downwards spiral to exclusively bottle feeding when you might have just wanted a bit of a break. So in that way there are the risks to your supply and breastfeeding relationship, as well as possible health effects.

Will possibly get flamed for that, but hey, its the truth.

Please get to a support group - they will be able to help you, even if you reach a point where you are set on stopping, they will be able to help you go about it in a way which is easiest and most comfortable for you both. And do get a sling, seriously.

No comment about whether it is right to stop or continue, just wanted to say that growth spurts are hell. Both mine had them sort of 6 wks ish and between 3 and 4 months. Like you said, it was feeding every hour, exhausting and I felt like giving up. It lasted up to a wk and then things calmed down again. So maybe, if you don't in your heart want to stop, that'll be a reassuring anecdote. I continued till they stopped themselves around 13mo, and then stopping was easy because they'd been easing off over a month, supplemented by formula because my supply was dipping with pregnancy.

FWIW, I was never breastfed as a baby at all (wouldn't latch on apparently), but now as an adult am almost never ill, have done well at school, healthy, good size/weight etc etc.

I have no children of my own, so I can't comment from that perspective - but wanted to drop in and say I hope things get better for you soon. It sounds unimaginably difficult...

rather than give up all together why don't you introduce one or two bottles? you might hate bottle feeding (washing and cleaning bottles, making up feeds etc)
I exclusively breast fed my pfb for 12 months with zero formula. with my second I gave her bottle at bed time around 4 months and she slept so well.
don't feel bad about topping up with the odd feed however don't stop bf all together till you try combining first ;)