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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder how bad it would be of me to stop bfing?

100 replies

finduspancakes · 31/08/2012 11:35

My LO is about 3 months and still feeding hourly. Its so tiring and makes doing anything so complicated. I struggle to pump as I dont get much. Would it be selfish of me to ff? How much damage would it actually do?

OP posts:
ICBINEG · 31/08/2012 12:08

Don't feel guilty whatever you do. Just add up the pros and cons on both sides and make an informed decision. Remember to include your own health (physical and mental in the equation).

Raspberrysorbet · 31/08/2012 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummytoKatie · 31/08/2012 12:13

Is your baby falling asleep during feeds and so not getting enough milk? Dd used to do this so we used to change her nappy mid feed (with lots of wet cottOn wool squeezed on her bum!) to wake her up.

Sorry - not answered the original q but don't really have anything to add.

finduspancakes · 31/08/2012 12:14

No, I hardly ever get out. It's too difficult to get somewhere before I have to feed again Sad

OP posts:
NoComet · 31/08/2012 12:15

FF doesn't make anything simpler.

I've done both, breast even with a continuously feeding baby and a toddler is still easier.

justwantcheese · 31/08/2012 12:17

No it would not be selfish or damaging.if it means u can get a but of sleep by letting oh feed Lo then do it. U cannot be getting up every hour u need to Thu.k of your health too.

Raspberrysorbet · 31/08/2012 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 31/08/2012 12:18

What raspberry said. Also, I'll probably get flamed for this, but at her age I would push her to go a bit longer between feeds, so today, try to get her to go 1 hr 15 mins. Once that's established, push to 1 hr 30. Hourly feeding may be "normal" in the sense that it's not unheard of, but it's certainly not usual, so I wouldn't blame you for stopping (I would have by now- am fairweather breastfeeder Grin).

NumericalMum · 31/08/2012 12:20

Do whatever works best for you but making it through the really hard bits in the beginning and giving up is something I would think about carefully. It has been a while but is baby really hungry every hour, or just fussy and tired? Could you try rocking or something every other time? If baby is not gaining weight then ignore my comment!

NoComet · 31/08/2012 12:26

Of course you can get some where, you just stuff baby in car seat or pushchair and go.

Feed them when you get there. iPhone them is the winge a bit on route, it won't kill them.

Go anywhere you like any time you like for as long as you like. No cool bag, no needing somewhere to warm bottles, no worry you've not brought enough milk with you.

Honestly FF is not easier and in my not very humble opinion expressing is a total waste of time and impossible anyway.

Once DC is 6 months old you just leave DH with a pot of yoghurt and go swimming. Then you get the child to drink juice out of a cup and you can go out for longer.

(anyway sensible babies will take formula and let you have time off occasionally DD2 was unbelievably stubbon about bottles and hated all milk except breast milk.)

Aged 11 she's never drank milk her dad won't either.

NoComet · 31/08/2012 12:27

Ignore them (iPhone them, sorry apple solidarity I'm typing on an iPod)

NoComet · 31/08/2012 12:30

Not gaining weight made no difference, DD2 was actually weaned early because the consultant and his best nurse couldn't get her to take a bottle of formula either.

But as I said most babies don't begin to reach DD2 levels of stubboness.

fedupandtired · 31/08/2012 12:31

Damage by ff??!! You don't honestly believe that ff damages babies do you??!

I'm astounded firstly that someone's told you this and secondly that you believe it.

ICBINEG · 31/08/2012 12:34

fedup well a glance at the peer reviewed medical literature will do that to you.

There are clinically proven risks to FF, but there are also risks in BFing beyond the point of sanity.

The key is to balance the risks, not ignore them.

BiddyPop · 31/08/2012 12:36

Congratulations on getting to 3 months.

Giving the odd bottle of forumla (one or 2 per day) is fine - I know with DD, she went into creche at 3 months (less mat leave then) and I didn't always manage to pump enough so on average, she'd get 1 or 2 BM bottles but 1 or 2 FF bottles per day at that stage.

The rest may give you a chance to increase your milk production - allow your LO to take as much as they can at each BF. And maybe finish off those feeds by trying to pump any excess for later (and even have that for your DH or someone to give at a different time, like a late evening so you can have an early night to rest).

And even if you want to switch entirely, take it slowly or else you will have problems with milk still coming. So drop one feed every couple of days.

I managed, with the use of formula, to do mostly BF until 8 months (all night time and early mornings, and pumped until 7 months for 1 bottle/day in creche; dropped back to 1 late night and 1st feed of the day by the time we were going on hols at 8 months which was handy for the plane), and we finally dropped the last late night BF feed (in fact, dropped it altogether) when she was just over 9 months.

NarkedRaspberry · 31/08/2012 12:37

Pssttt! dummies are quite good.

And a sling might help.

Shagmundfreud · 31/08/2012 12:41

I'm amazed by the confident assertions on this thread that ff can never harm babies.

It's not a view which is supported by medical evidence.

OP - last time I checked ff was legal and was the most common way to feed a 12 week old baby.

So nowt stopping you switching!

Shagmundfreud · 31/08/2012 12:46

Should add OP that my 2 youngest also fed frequently and never had formula. It was still possible to work part time, do the school run, cook and shop etc. What's stopping you breastfeeding while you are getting on with the day to day business of life?

jaggythistle · 31/08/2012 12:48

agree that the best place to post this would be the bf/ff board for some advice. also get real life help to double check latch is ok etc.

imo (with vast experience of 2 babies) having a new baby is tiring, from what i can gather from friends this applies whether using formula or not!

the thing that struck a chord with me when i heard it on here a lot, was adjusting my expectations a bit, rather that trying to adjust the babies behaviour. it's made life with my second baby easier so far...

there is no guarantee of more breaks or sleep and bf is so convenient once you get past the slightly relentless bit.

good luck. :)

Mabelface · 31/08/2012 12:50

You feed your baby how you want, and how you feed him is no one else's business but yours and his. Forget the guilt, he won't remember nor will he look back and say "How could you?" with regard to formula.

Pinkforever · 31/08/2012 12:52

If formula milk "harmed" babies then it wouldnt be in the shops for sale. Lots of passive aggressive shite on here from the militia....

Feminine · 31/08/2012 12:52

I have done loads and loads of BF.

Take it from me, cut yourself some slack and give a bottle. In the grand scheme of things it really is alright :)

FishfingersAreOK · 31/08/2012 12:56

My HV told me when DD was 11weeks old "You will not give a stuff what went in your baby's tummy when you at her 3rd birthday party, her first day at school, her first parents evening." She was right.
She said if I wanted permission from someone to stop is soooo wasn't neessary. It was perfectly alright to stop at any time, for any reason. She is right.

Well done for doing this far. It is OK to stop. It is OK to get help. Happy Mummy, Happy Baby (also from my lovely HV)
Hug

gamerwidow · 31/08/2012 13:00

OP I could have written your post 2 years ago. DD rarely went longer than 1 hour between feeds and sometimes fed continuously for hours during growth spurts.
It was relentless and someone days I'd just sit on the sofa in tears because she would not stop feeding.
I started mix feeding at 4 months then fully ff at 6 months, it was if a huge burden had been lifted from me and I'd been freed.
If you want to stop then stop, ff isn't as good as bf but it's damn close and if it saves your sanity it's worth it.

ICBINEG · 31/08/2012 13:01

Maddizzy

I disagree that it is no-one else's business. We live in a society and we share a health service (assuming the OP is UK). It's not massively my (or anyone else's) business but the choices of others do actually affect everyone in knock on ways.

I agree that there is no cause for guilt. Add up the risks for and against and be confident that your decision is the best for you own unique circumstances.

I agree that they won't complain, especially as even if you are unlucky enough to be in the around 0.05% of cases in which the FF does do serious damage, you will almost certainly never know for sure that that was what made the difference.