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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP is a selfish pig?

74 replies

Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:04

so we have 3 kids youngest just 4 weeks other 2 are 5 and 7. In on maternity leave he works 6am till 2 pm mon-Friday. Last night he put himself to bed at half 8. I was left to carry all the stuff upstairs still had to sort washing out etc. So put baby on the bed with him so I could carry her Moses basket up then went down to hang wet washing up. She strted crying which turned into a scream. Instead of him pacifying her he got dressed and slept on the sofa all night and now isn't talking to me!

Ok I did have a dig saying ur a selfish u could have at least help me carry something to which he didn't answer? Or maybe I'm expecting too much of him to at least hold her for the 3 mins she turned a biymt hysterical!

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 31/08/2012 09:06

YAnbu, obviously

Original poster
Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:10

Great another week then of not talking :(

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 31/08/2012 09:23

And when you do start talking you need to have a bit of a chat...

Has he always been like this?

alienreflux · 31/08/2012 09:25

he's being a twat! how i would love to go to bed at 8.30!!! YANBU, it's his fucking baby too!!

RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 09:25

If he's tired he's tired. Catch up on sleep next week when your other two are back at school. FWIW as a single parent I carried my ds upstairs in his moses basket.

HugeFurryWishingStool · 31/08/2012 09:39

6am till 2pm is hardly a long day, what's his problem? Does he think you are on holiday being on mat leave?

Chandon · 31/08/2012 09:42

Well, I guess he has to get up at 5 to be at work at 6?

No wonder he is tired.

I am sure you are tired too!

Try cutting eachother some slack, like if he is normally helpful, but on occasion crashes out eary, maybe let him. And maybe he can let you have a rest some other time.

Give and take and all that.

bogeyface · 31/08/2012 09:42

Are you serious Red?

So he gets to ignore his own crying baby, remove himself from the situation and then not speak to the OP for a week because of it?!

Its nothing to do with being tired and everything to do with being a twat!

Original poster
Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:43

Yes redhelen but he sleeps wen he gets home aswell. Also as a single parent u dnt have all his washing to do and hang up. I did carry her up in Moses basket but he could have offered wouldn't have hurt would it

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 09:44

He presumably has to get up earlier than 6 though to be at work for then? Does he help out between 2 & half eight?

Original poster
Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:45

Yes he gets tired as do I ! But what makes me mad is I've done everything since she was born willingly as I really enjoy it but 3 mins would not have hurt really abd she is really a good baby in general

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 09:47

I had 3 children on my own so yes it is comparable. You can take my advice or nit but |I used to get so uptight about my ex having sleep when I wasn't with the first two but when I was on my own it wasn't a factor, so I suppose I am saying count to 10. I would be annoyed if he's buggered off to the pub but if you want him to do his job he obviously needs his seep. |Get him to take the kids out on the weekend so you can catch up a bit.

RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 09:49

As to the washing, it really doesn't take that much more time to wash it but you could certainly leave his ironing for him to do & the putting away.

Original poster
Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:49

Not really he gets up at half 5 his work is down the road! He gets home puts the news on eats lunch goes in shower comes down sleeps for an hour or so wakes up watches more tv . He does cook sometimes I've cooked all this week but can't fault him for that he will cook if im not . I bathe the kids and put them to bed as he basically wen he wants to go to bed will just up and go. He doesn't drive so I do all the ferrying around so he can't even get shopping for me

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 31/08/2012 09:50

There's needing to sleep, and then there is ignoring your own baby, though.

He's being a twat.

RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 09:51

Ok then leave the bastard!!!

Original poster
Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:52

Ha he doesn't do taking the kids out he says he has been at work all week bla bla bla despite before my maternity leave I was also working 50 hours a week. But he is 12 yrs older then me Spose I jus have more energy?

OP posts:
Bellyjaby · 31/08/2012 09:52

Yanbu at all. Yes, he's probably tired so going to bed early isn't unreasonable but not tending to the child at all, that's really unreasonable.

Original poster
Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:54

Yea have thought of leaving him but wen he is in a good mood he is helpful but wen he goes on a turn like this it really gets me down y do they flit from one mood to the next like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:55

Think he thinks I left her there purposely to dig at him cause he didn't help me carry things but figured leaving her there instead was easier and safer

OP posts:
bogeyface · 31/08/2012 09:56

Your expectations are very low Red if him having a job and not going to the pub is enough to keep you happy!

The OP isnt a member of his staff, she is his partner and he should be doing his share but he isnt.

SirBoobAlot · 31/08/2012 09:56

So he's always like this?

Leave the bastard.

RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 10:01

Cheeky tbf, I thought you leaving your baby there was a dig from what you posted.

I don't have a partner, & my ex did help out when i was on maternity work * he was working BUT lack of sleep does make people very irritable. And next week it all should get easier cos she can sleep when the bay does & her others are at school.

I certainly don't have low expectations but you can make yourself very unhappy by thinking your partner should do that or should do the other.

And whether you accept it or not, it IS easier being knackered in the comfort of your own home than in a workplace.

The not talking is a separate issue though, when did that start?

expatinscotland · 31/08/2012 10:04

'Help out'. Pulling your own weight regarding your own children is not 'helping out'.

RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 10:10

Yes, but I didn't pull my weight with his job did I? He is pulling his weight providing for his family.

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