AIBU to think DP is a selfish pig?

[Cheekychops84]

so we have 3 kids youngest just 4 weeks other 2 are 5 and 7. In on maternity leave he works 6am till 2 pm mon-Friday. Last night he put himself to bed at half 8. I was left to carry all the stuff upstairs still had to sort washing out etc. So put baby on the bed with him so I could carry her Moses basket up then went down to hang wet washing up. She strted crying which turned into a scream. Instead of him pacifying her he got dressed and slept on the sofa all night and now isn't talking to me!

Ok I did have a dig saying ur a selfish u could have at least help me carry something to which he didn't answer? Or maybe I'm expecting too much of him to at least hold her for the 3 mins she turned a biymt hysterical!

I think you have a bit of a twisted view on equality in parenting there, Red.

Not really, but there you go.

So having a job exempts you from caring for your kids and taking care of some of the mess and work you generate? What happened when he was single? Did he had a personal assistant dealing with his laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc?

Wow. My H was a SAHD. I didn't for once consider that, because I worked, he was my personal domestic appliance and I didn't have to do FA wrt to my own children and housework.

He obv got the hump and I no him for 8 yrs he will either come home and bugger off to his sisters or friends or ignore me sometimes think he picks a fight so he can go out think he gets a buzz from being nasty tbh. Yes I know he is working inonly finished a few weeks ago working from 7 am sometimes till 10 pm at night I no how he feels but I still helped out he goes thru these selfish phases sometimes

I think he is being a lazy pig TBH. 6am -2pm is not a long day at all.

My DH gets up at 5.15am to be at work for 7.30( he has an hour long commute) and gets home at 6.30pm. If the teens have a lot of homework and the haven't had time to vac or mop the floors and they need doing he does them because I am disabled. He, also, loads the dishwasher and washes any pots after dinner.

IMVHO your DP is taking you for granted!

Yea I think he is being selfish but he does kinda love himself.

Lazy git.

He is doing a half day practically and using it as an excuse to do sod all. However, if he has always been like this, you knew what was coming when you had a bub

He is working a full day 8 hours and he know doubt rises long before 6 am so you ere beig a bit off disturbing his sleep just because you were awake.

I don't know why if that is his regular hours you don't just move your sleep cycle to coincide with his as you would only be up a little before the 7 year old and you could use that time to get the days school clothes or packed lunch together in peace and quiet.

Surely if would be a more fun house if you were on the same time zone.

Having read the thread, it does sound as if he was taking the piss.

But, if I had gone to bed, I´d be pissed off at being disturbed tbh.

6-2 is an 8hr day-he´s just lucky he lives so close to work!

my DH gets up at 5 to start work at 6.

he also isn't a twat.
DD is 8 months and he does far more than his fair share of everything in the house.

I would have gone absolutely mental if he'd pulled something like that!

he never would though.

you really need to sit down together and talk about this because it will eat away at your marriage if you don't.

He is being lazy and taking you for granted. They are his children too and he should be pulling his weight. What would happen if you told him his behaviour is unacceptable and that he needs to be doing his share of work?

For those talking about him working - he went to bed for 9.5 hours, after already having a sleep when getting in from work. seriously how many parents with babies have that amount of time in bed?

Depends on the job though surely? If he was driving dangerous machinery say then no way would I want him overtired doing it.

Red - Why are you defending a man who is being so lazy. Is your DP like this? Because if not, I find your attitude a very strange one.

How would you all feel if you knew the pilot who flew you on holiday had had her husband dump his crying kid next to her disturbing her sleep the night before she flew you into a foggy Tenerife or the man driving the petrol tanker coming around the blind curve on a narrow country lane or the woman doing a cateract operation had had her husband do the same. Some folks need their 8 hour min a night to be safe at work and considering the number of threads on here about husbands who stay up to all hours playing stupid video games then come to bed and disturb the sleeping parter there seem to be the usual one sided view on here about this

Novack - Yes you are right! All men with babies have the right to 9.5 hours in bed a night, time down the pub, to do no childcare and virtually no housework. And to be direspectful and violent as well.

Sadly there are some on here who seem willing to defend any behaviour no matter how unreasonable.

I used to work in a place with a shift system. Everybody wanted the 6am-2pm shift because it was seen to be the easiest. Most people were home by 2.30pm and had the rest of the afternoon and the entire evening to themselves. Most people went to bed at around 10pm.

YANBU.

If your dh lived alone, I'm sure he would be able to muster up the energy to wash clothes, prepare food, and do general housework.

Eatsbrains, weird passive aggressive post

Lol got home to find he has gone out! Lovely life ayy so I'm still not getting a break oh well at least one of us is enjoying themselves I suppose.

So men who do jobs involving machinery/driving have the right to loads of sleep because doing their job without would be dangerous, but women who take care of tiny babies and young children can do it on an hour a night (because of course it's not dangerous at all if she drops the baby, or crashes the car while out getting the shopping/going to the doctor)?

Words fail me.

Cheeky, he's a git.

He is home totally Blanking me sed hello to my mum but gone upstairs to watch tv I've jus had a baby Ffs could do with some emotional support :(

well of course yanbu.
but he probably thinks you're on a bit of a holiday and that you don't appreciate the fact that he works.
He's wrong about the holiday.
You do need some support but telling him that won't make him see it. Maybe get your support from elsewhere for a bit, do a bit less so you can take better care of yourself and then when he comes to his senses (which he probably will) you'll be able to see it rather than feel like killing him in his sleep.
MEN!!!!

Would your mum have a gentle word? Sulking is so mean isn't it.

It's our third baby he knows how this works I've done everything which yes I should I'm on leave but he could have pacified her for 5 mins he had only been in bed 5 minutes it wasn't like he was already in the land of nod. My mums talk won't help I dnt think he is incredibly selfish. After having thought about this throughout the day I'm actually feeling quite down and resentful . I now want to go to sleep but he up there watching football so can't even though I'm sleep deprived the joys ay but I'm not allowed to snap and get grouchy

I'm sorry. He's not being very fair is he.
It's very late. Go upstairs, say good night and tell him you need to go to sleep. If you can be calm about it he might still sulk (let him) but it shouldn't lead to a row. He can watch TV downstairs. I'm not surprised you're feeling down.
Spend time over the weekend with ppl who are nice to you. Do you live with your mum?
BTW, you are allowed to get grouchy. Just do it tomorrow when you're not trying to sleep rather than tonight. enjoy your bed and the comfy feeling you get when you lay down your head.

and RedHelenB
Yes, OP's DP goes out to work and earns money, at the moment OP is on Mat leave (so in fact, at 4 weeks in is probably still contributing financially to the household) but being on maternity leave doesn't mean one should have to work without rest, adequate help or emotional support.
Hopefully he'll settle down soon.