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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think DP is a selfish pig?

74 replies

Cheekychops84 · 31/08/2012 09:04

so we have 3 kids youngest just 4 weeks other 2 are 5 and 7. In on maternity leave he works 6am till 2 pm mon-Friday. Last night he put himself to bed at half 8. I was left to carry all the stuff upstairs still had to sort washing out etc. So put baby on the bed with him so I could carry her Moses basket up then went down to hang wet washing up. She strted crying which turned into a scream. Instead of him pacifying her he got dressed and slept on the sofa all night and now isn't talking to me!

Ok I did have a dig saying ur a selfish u could have at least help me carry something to which he didn't answer? Or maybe I'm expecting too much of him to at least hold her for the 3 mins she turned a biymt hysterical!

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Pinkforever · 31/08/2012 22:03

please ignore the unhelpful put up ans shut.up comments from the stepfords.your dp is being an arse.leave the kids with him for the whole weekend then lets see how tired he is....

bruschetta · 31/08/2012 22:05

oooh pinkforever, there's an idea.
sorry, have to duck out now - need some sleep.
good luck and keep us posted. x

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2012 23:33

I love this. DH and I both work. Just because I work I don't expect 8 hours a night. I cannot understand the attitude that the man who works has done his only job once he gets home. I haven't finished once I get home.

Cheekychops84 · 01/09/2012 09:55

Well managed to sleep s bit! I'm breastfeeding so can't really leave bubbs I haven't even bothered expressing yet and we are only jus getting the hang of it. Could leave the other two with him but they would end up in the neighbours house anyway . I guess I jus have to ride this out and wait for it to blow over. I'm not going to yell and loose my temper anymore as I've learned in the past it doesn't get anyone anywhere

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therealmrsbeckham · 01/09/2012 10:08

I don't often post but this has made me so cross. In answer 2 ur question YADNBU. I have 3 children 1,5 & 12. I work full time am up @ 5 every morning, as is DP. I work from 6.30 am til 8pm. DP works 9 til 5. He picks DC up feeds them, baths them, and sorts washing, tidying the house, homework etc. I read stories, have cuddles & sort bedtime when I get home. I do my full time hrs over 3 days so have 4 days a wk @ home with DC, DP still does his fair share when he comes home though cos we are a partnership and raising DC us not something either of us can opt out of just cos we are tired!!! DC are a lifetime commitment not an optional extra! Sorry 4 rant - selfish bastards make me mad!!!!

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 01/09/2012 10:13

cheekychops - so what are you going to do about it?

Cheekychops84 · 01/09/2012 10:19

When I worked I also did like 4pm til 9pm so he used to cook bathe them put them to bed tidy up etc but seems now that in off it's all for me to do which I can but not always again as Im breastfeeding it's difficult if baby is a bit clingy I can't put her down for long before the screams hysterically :( he has hardly held her since she has been born changed her nappy prob 7 times max he didn't change her at all yesterday in fact he didn't even hold her al day either :( maybe he has got male pnd?

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Cheekychops84 · 01/09/2012 10:23

Hi brains I don't know at the moment it's no use talking to him he is ignorant he will jus stare at the tv or accuse me of being the selfish one. I'm going to tell him when it's calmed down a bit I want him to leave as I will b happier alone without him winding me up snoring in bed. My 5 yr old is also picking up his habits she is stubborn and also doesn't always answer me as she sees him doing it. She bit her cousin yesterday it was so embarrassing so think I've got problems with her aswell!

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EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 01/09/2012 10:26

You might want to consider having a trusted friend or relative in the house when you ask him to leave. Just in case - you and your children need to be safe.

bogeyface · 01/09/2012 10:28

If it is affecting your DCs behaviour, because they see daddy treating you like shit, then you need to deal with it asap. If you think that he wont change then I agree that you do need to ask him to leave. Your life wont be any harder as you are doing all the work now anyway, and you wont have a selfish stroppy manchild to deal with as well.

Good luck.

Cheekychops84 · 01/09/2012 10:29

He would just go he wouldn't kick off he may raise his voice a bit but he is not one for big arguments but I would prob go out and let him get on with it

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Margerykemp · 01/09/2012 10:32

How is your housing/financial situation of /when you leave?

You need to start planning this stuff because let's be honest this isn't a happy home is it?

bruschetta · 01/09/2012 10:38

are you both feeling a bit down and exhausted? or has this been a long time coming?
good luck

Cheekychops84 · 01/09/2012 10:49

I'm on the tenancy he isn't so think he will go which he will I know he will. We are tired but he has done things like this before in the past he can b really hands on but y should he jus switch off and bugger off out and sulk and not talk to me and make me feel like crap jus because he feels like it? And I never no when he is gonna do it he jus does . Yes its hard but when can I kid walk off and sulk and ignore him I can't it's pointless. I think he does for attention aswell tbh but I'm done with this I've got 3 kids to look after I can't look after him aswell and his pathetic behaviour!

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Chandon · 02/09/2012 12:34

wow, in the space of one thread you have been talked/talked yourself into divorce...

Is it really that bad? (not saying it isn't ! But you must have thought things were good when you tried to conceive DC3, right?). Is this really The End?

Cannot it not be talked through, at all?

Shellywelly1973 · 02/09/2012 14:28

I have 3dc with Dp. Already had2dc when i met him.

I've felt like this for years but i was brought up to believe if a man worked, the women did everything else.

Its only since i found mumsnet i realised how much stuff Dp/dh's do.

Each situation is different but i do wonder how a couple can reach an agreement over this sort of issue. My Dp works shifts and is so indifferent to what state the house gets into...it drives me nuts!

Op,take some time to think things through&get some sleep so you can make a decision based on facts. Tiredness really messes with the thought process!!

Cheekychops84 · 02/09/2012 20:49

Still thinking at the moment we are talking but I'm still not back to myself. I have had a think and in worried about kicking him out with 3 kids cause he had a paddy ?

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bruschetta · 02/09/2012 20:52

it's all very early days after having a baby isn't it?
I thought that chandon and shellywelly both had v good points.
good luck.

holyfishnets · 02/09/2012 21:02

I really feel for you. He might be finding it hard at the moment but it is obviously much harder for you having just given birth, establishing breast feeding and coping with a new born plus older kids during the hols. He should be supporting you 100% and ensuring you don't get PND or ill etc. He works a normal full time week, it's no big deal. Most DH's work full time and are also fully involved in the household/parenting outside of work hours. You are all a team after all.

Cheekychops84 · 02/09/2012 21:22

It's been hard going :( he been much better today well apart from 5 hours of football :( but he did give her a bath : D

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EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 04/09/2012 15:25

Thats still not great is it. 5 hours of football while you presumably took care of children for which you are both responsible. He is being very unfair

Cheekychops84 · 04/09/2012 16:06

Yea and I can't stay in whilst he is watching it as he has it on so loud and shouts at the tv so I go out so it's not like I'm relaxing

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quoteunquote · 04/09/2012 16:38

Op, you are being taken for a mug,

either both parents happily and equally meet their children's needs, without having to be asked by the other, or one parent is taking advantage of the other,

asking him if he has a special reason for being pathetic and if he has any intention of changing,

oh and his hours are neither early nor long,

If he lived on his own, he would still have to clean, cook, wash up, load machines,shop, just because he is in a relationship it doesn't mean he can opt out of doing these things,

print out a list of every single task that happens in your household(keep adding any you forget), including breast-feeding, don't ask him to do anything just add your initials next to every job you do,and a tally mark for how often you do it, let the evidence to his laziness stare him in the face, every time he walks past it on the wall,

Don't waste any energy trying to get him to do what he should be naturally doing, he has to decide if he cares how his partner views him, and step up,

if he can't be bothered, then you have your answer, he views you as a push over, push overs become doormats, doormats become bog brushes.

good luck.

Cheekychops84 · 05/09/2012 08:10

Thanks quotenquote will give the list a go. I like it Grin

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