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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not actually enjoy days out with my children very much?

52 replies

DontLikeThatSortOfThing · 30/08/2012 19:34

I work pt but am effectively SAHM.
During the holidays I have not taken my 2 preschool DC 1 and 4 to much of anything, but instead let them hang around the house.

Because frankly it is incredibly hard work going OUT for the day. Picnic bag, change bag, couple of toys.

When we do go there is always some drama and I am the woman in the corner with the buggy that tips over, or the child wailing because you gave them the treat (the crappy coin operated ride on) but they don't want to leave it.

I feel like my expectations of them enjoying it are much higher than what they will actually enjoy.
Went for a day out today and it was okay but my god I am creamcrackered and I asked DC1 what the best bit was (was q a big adventure to a big park, exciting things, merchandise Hmm) and the reply? The train.

AIBU to not enjoy them and thus not do them?

OP posts:
CockyPants · 30/08/2012 19:37

When I gave birth I lowered my expectations.
If anyone has enjoyed the trip out I consider it a bonus!!
Chances are there's going to be a fight.
Or an argument.
Tears, deffo.
Dirty clothes.
A wee wee accident
And that's just us mums!!!

Ilovesunflowers · 30/08/2012 19:38

Hanging around the house isn't good for children (if it's often anyway). YANBU to not enjoy days out but you would be unreasonable to stop doing it.

It's not that hard to pack a picnic bag, change bag and toys and many children would answer the train as being the best bit. What do you expect from young children?

jkklpu · 30/08/2012 19:39

don't they get more fractious and likely to fight if they stay in?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/08/2012 19:41

YABU to expect to enjoy days out with small children. That's where you are going wrong. It's not meant to be fun for you, it's designed to be hard work and tedious for you. It's meant to be fun for them.

You could just get on a train, go one stop, get a coffee, then get back on the train and come home again.

Booboobedoo · 30/08/2012 19:44

Best days out with pre-schoolers imo are low spec. So park/picnic/cafe/playground.

Or, if it's raining, soft play.

I feel your pain. I have a 5yo DS and a 1yo DD, and they're driving me up the fricking wall atm, but actually I find it's worse if we stay in, even though I'm more tired at the end of the day if we go out. So I try to go out on alternate days.

I've been feeling guilty about this, but then thought, would I enjoy being with adults who behave as my children do? 24/7? They tell me off, boss me around, scream, demand and are generally obnoxious. Ok, not ALL the time, but often enough.

So I've told myself to appreciate the nice moments, and suck the rest up.

3teenhell · 30/08/2012 19:45

Yanbu day out with my teens today was hell. Shall not bother for a while

Back2Two · 30/08/2012 19:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 30/08/2012 19:46

My dcs would prob answer the train too tbh kids love trains!

YANBU to not enjoy it, it is stressful when they are small but you persevere (sp?) and eventually the days become less chore and more fun!

Back2Two · 30/08/2012 19:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

mamij · 30/08/2012 19:48

Try to look on the bright side - your kids will love it! Even if it's just down o the playground on their scooter or a bus ride to the shops. Make the most of the good weather as you've got plenty of time to be stuck indoors during the winter months!

Mayisout · 30/08/2012 19:50

Best days out when my DCs were young were to gardens or parks (preferably with woods) with other mums. Older DCs run ahead and play, younger in buggy, mums gossip. Probably not so easy now as so many mums work.

SirBoobAlot · 30/08/2012 19:53

YANBU to find them difficult. You are, however, unreasonable to stop doing them because of that.

heather1 · 30/08/2012 19:54

When my DS were younger days out were really hard word. I think on your own half a day out is enough work. A whole day with 2 preschool children out and about, no wonder you are shattered at the end of it.
Also there is little difference for them in interest levels between say an interesting stone or snail and a rollercoaster or sandpit or animal in the zoo. In their mind its the same level of interest and amazement.
I agree with booboo low spec and close to home is the way to go. Oh and a cafe too.
Tbh even now, mine are 5 and 7, its still quite often the simple things that they like the most if you ask them. But then i think when you ask them what was the best bit they often just say the first thing that comes into their heads.
I used to prefer the following when they were littler: vintage steam trains (you can sit down while the train is moving and if you get a compartment with 6 seats you often have it to yourself), going to a playpark we hadnt been to before, soft play, going for a short walk, going to a quiet train station and watching the trains go past, local airdrome to watch the planes take off.

popsypie · 30/08/2012 19:57

Op - YANBU! When our kids were very small we used to called days out "fun without the fun" Wink

lovebunny · 30/08/2012 19:57

cockypants - i laughed. best laugh of the day. and no accident.

janelikesjam · 30/08/2012 19:58

Days out. Dontchya hate em, or lovem?! I think it depends. I think if you are focused on enjoying it, your children's company, the fleeting pleasure and joy, and so forth, it can be great. If you are stressed or tired or need a break or some time on your own, er, less so. Simply put, I'd think just consider what is the trigger here and avoid it next time ...

Original poster
DontLikeThatSortOfThing · 30/08/2012 20:00

When I say hanging round the house, I mean in and out of the garden btw - they aren't cooped up like battery hens or anything.

And they have a bit of telly, bit of jigsaw, bit of colouring, bit of cooking. I think I am actually a better mum when based at home - rather than out chasing tail going from activity to activity. DC2 can nap better (this was a prob today, won't sleep in buggy)

I do the visiting friends/having friends over thing too.
But I went out with another mum on this disastrous day out? today but didn't actually help = more the opposite.
Perhaps am just grumpy cow.

OP posts:
WilfSell · 30/08/2012 20:02

YA TOTALLY NBU

Wot everyone else said. For 5 years do nothing else but go on a bus/train, having packed a picnic, end at a park and go home again. It's the only way to stay sane.

A bit later, an English Heritage membership (or W/S/Irish version) is good value, as a free(-ish) castle adds a bit of intrigue to the trip.

The more money you spend, the more they inevitably hate it and the more opportunity for bitterness.

nokidshere · 30/08/2012 20:04

When mine were small we went out every day even if it was a walk round the block to break up the day. As they got a bit older we used to get on the bus, go into town, go up and down the escalators, have a cake and get the bus back lol - they loved it. (and nothing to take as it was only an hour max)

this summer they are both teenagers and its all I can do to get them dressed LOL

FoxSake · 30/08/2012 20:07

YANB that U, with dc that age the best advice I can give anyone's aim small, turn a trip to the shops into an outing, let older dc walk with a stick in hand, point things out have a cake and a coffee at the shops and walk back. It feels more successful than attempting to do big theme park days out. Park is fine.

I would just say though, we're all that person with tipped over pram, fractious child and cartonnof tipped over juice so I really wouldn't let that stop you. I don't think children need all the big trips we do these days, when I was small we went to places like the zoo once maybe twice, cinema the same. Now these trips are regular occurrences and generally the dc are unimpressed by everything.

Booboobedoo · 30/08/2012 20:10

You're not a grumpy cow.

It's just knackering and hard.

Just do whatever works for you, I say.

Astr0naut · 30/08/2012 20:13

YANBU.

I start every trip looking forward to coming home - and by 'trip' I mean a walk to Morrison's or one of the crappy play parks.

30 minutes getting ready.
20 minutes walking.
30-60 minutes checking that yes really, only 5 minutes have passed.
20 minutes walking.

Telly. Lunch. 30 minutes off.

Two dcs under 3 and coming to the end of mat leave.

DrSeuss · 30/08/2012 20:14

Hooray, hooray, it's a Helli, Helliday! Oh, the whinging! Oh the tantrums! And the boredom on my part. I took DS aged 6 to an adventure park the other day and spent most of the day watching him do the activities as they were kids only, with a sideline in dragging DD in a buggy through thick mud. Cost a fortune, didn't stop him complaining the next day when we had to go to - SHOCK!- the supermarket!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 30/08/2012 20:22

If I don't take mine out every day, we all get grumpy! Even if it's a trip to the supermarket, sitting in trolley, going to look at the animals in the pet shop, walking to the park, going out in wellies for a quick splash in the puddles etc etc. We do farm maybe 2-3 times a month as we have a season pass. Every now and then a bigger trip to the zoo or aquarium.

I must admit that I enjoy my children much more when we're out! Can only stand half a day in doing craft and baking etc; much as I love this stuff, we all need fresh air to stay sane.

That comment about would you put up with adults that behave like your dc= incredibly U. They're your children. They're not meant to behave impeccably; it's your job to teach them how to behave and allow them to lash out at you and learn how to deal with others.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 30/08/2012 20:24

Ps don't get me wrong- I'm not SAHM material. In fact I look forward to returning to work (just at end of my mat leave too). Maybe you need to up your working hours? Then maybe you'd enjoy their company more.

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