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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not actually enjoy days out with my children very much?

52 replies

DontLikeThatSortOfThing · 30/08/2012 19:34

I work pt but am effectively SAHM.
During the holidays I have not taken my 2 preschool DC 1 and 4 to much of anything, but instead let them hang around the house.

Because frankly it is incredibly hard work going OUT for the day. Picnic bag, change bag, couple of toys.

When we do go there is always some drama and I am the woman in the corner with the buggy that tips over, or the child wailing because you gave them the treat (the crappy coin operated ride on) but they don't want to leave it.

I feel like my expectations of them enjoying it are much higher than what they will actually enjoy.
Went for a day out today and it was okay but my god I am creamcrackered and I asked DC1 what the best bit was (was q a big adventure to a big park, exciting things, merchandise ) and the reply? The train.

AIBU to not enjoy them and thus not do them?

OP posts:

Booboobedoo · 30/08/2012 20:42

"That comment about would you put up with adults that behave like your dc= incredibly U. They're your children. They're not meant to behave impeccably; it's your job to teach them how to behave and allow them to lash out at you and learn how to deal with others. "

I meant that I don't feel that I have to enjoy it.

I have been a SAHM for five and half years. Please don't presume to tell me what my job is.

(Sorry OP).

charlottehere · 30/08/2012 21:10

I don't think there is anything wrong with hanging out at home as long as the dcs have somewhere to play outside.

timtam23 · 30/08/2012 21:21

YANBU
I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old and yes it is hard work and stressful to go out. But it is almost worse to keep them in at home, especially when it rains. As others have suggested we do keep "going out" very low key, walk to shops, local park, go to the woods/common down the road & throw sticks in the river, short bus trip, go to train station and watch trains arriving etc

Tomorrow DS1 & I are having a morning out on our own & we are going to Morrisons, then the library, then Home Bargains, then we'll stop for a hot chocolate on the way home. He is thrilled to bits at the thought of this. Today we did a big special trip out with a good friend & 2 similar aged kids to wildfowl reserve, fairly long drive, it cost £££s, lots of organising involved, I was and am knackered, and the DS's favourite bit was "playing in the playground" - which we could have walked 5 mins down the road & done for free! So yes definitely keep it simple.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 30/08/2012 21:28

My dc's favourite "day out" at that age was to get the bus to town, ride the escalators, play on the coin-op bus and car (with no money in) in the shopping centre food court while Mummy sat and had a cup of tea, buy cookies, eat cookies, go up and down in the glass lifts, get the bus home. Fab. One stop on the train to the very-small soft-play cafe was good too.

I used to take them out for the morning - no picnic needed, and the youngest one had a proper nap in the afternoon.

They are 10, 7, and 4 now and we have finally reached the stage where I don't have to take them out every day. In fact they'd much rather slope around the house and build dens in the garden. Bliss. But they still have just as much fun in the woods or the park as they do at somewhere expensive.

thegreylady · 30/08/2012 21:30

Today my dgs [5&3] asked my dd if I would be upset if they said they didnt want to go on my proposed outing [Shire Horse Centre/nature trail].
I asked what they would like most of all and I would do it as it was my last day with them before they are back to scool.
Here is the day planned by them;
visit to the library-change books
go to bookshop-play on lego table there [I bought Wind in the Willows]
go to cafe-share a bottle of Orangina and a gingerbread man [I had tea and a teacake]
go home and have alphabetti spaghetti for lunch with apple juice to drink and kiwi for afters
play/act scenes from Winnie the Pooh; hide and seek;hunt the soft toy;Spiderman and Superman v naughty Spidergran and finally watch Postman Pat dvd.
When dd arrived home from work she was told it was the best day ever-gosh I am exhausted though!!!

Gilberte · 30/08/2012 21:33

I find days stuck at home much more difficult than going out and about because I live in a very small house and I am forever trying to stop my 4 year old from killing my 18 month old. I also find bored children very difficult to witness and manage.

However the garden has been my friend this summer.

I can keep them quite amused for half a day with a container of sand and one of water and plenty of plastic bottles and buckets to fill up. Once they get bored of that I sometimes get the paints out (horrible to clean up I know) or just give them brushes and let them paint the fence with water.

Recently I gave them some flour and let the add water and stir it. It was very messy but killed ten minutes or so!

Anything messy can also be done in the garden.

When I go out with two, I only take them to the playground, the library, the local children's centre or cafe as all of these things are 20 minutes walk away. It's very tiring but a short mission before lunch and during the afternoon can really break up the day.

What's really boring for you, say a trip to the local shop (particularly to get an ice cream or a cbeebies mag etc) will be fun for your kids.

If I had a car I would go further but I think big missions are best planned with the help of another adult if you have one to help out/accompany you.

EyeoftheStorm · 30/08/2012 21:38

I took my 3 DCs (8, 6 and 3) to zoo today as it was summer hols. Did I enjoy it?

Well ... they liked the animals and the steam train and they walked for miles.

But DS1 wound the others up and was a PITA when we were queuing for anything. DD1 cried because I got her an apple juice instead of a hot chocolate. And DS2 spent the last half an hour wailing that he needed a poo but it had to be at home!

On the whole rather a successful day. The highlight of which, according to DS1, was the giraffe turning its bottom really close to his face.

RedBlanket · 30/08/2012 21:52

Last summer my two had to wirte a story about their summer holiday. They wrote about the day we walked to the garage to pick the car up after its MOT. It was the best day because they watched the cars being fixed through the window and they had bacon butties from greasy spoon van parked in the car park.
They still talk about it.
Keep it simple.

Nagoo · 30/08/2012 21:53

I am not a martyr but I do take my DC places so that they enjoy it.

I hate staying in with them. I get claustrophobic and find that they just find ways to cause me work. So I take them out every day to get some air and give everyone a break. So long as I understand that I am there to run around after them and don't make the mistake of thinking that I will be able to do anything I want to do, then I'm ok.

I generally only go to the park with small ones. We did go to a castle and it was bloody hard work with Houdini-Baby but I remembered that it wasn't about me, and just followed the DC's cues and it was fine, we all had a good time.

What do you do inside the house? 'hang around' sounds like the type of thing my DH does, which involves him playing about on ipad/ playstation and they maraud around the house without direction.

I can't say that I am super keen on that style of parenting, whether being bored is good for them or not. I think that might be the case for a 5-6YO but not for a baby. Babies should be played with and read to and sung at.

kim147 · 30/08/2012 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoxSake · 30/08/2012 23:03

Nagoo if I send my baby to your house would you play with, read too and sing at her for the 11 hours she is awake pretty please? Or perhaps you could just get off your high horse?

OP says she bakes, paints etc.

My friends took their dc to euro Disney 2 weeks ago, it cost 1200 quid I asked the just 4yo what his favourite bit was, he said the train ride there , I shan't tell them.

Nagoo · 31/08/2012 00:18

Fox, probably not but I might take her out. Maybe on a train.

FoxSake · 31/08/2012 00:30

Ooh, she'd love that I'll drop her round

citylovernow · 31/08/2012 02:54

Actually I think that when dcs are younger (i.e. preschool age) although it's more physically tiring there are more options for keeping them entertained cheaply and easily. Now that my 3 are all between 11 and 6, it's quite hard to find something that they all want to do. The little one still loves the park but the eldest will just stand next to me and doesn't want to play. Older 2 love the cinema but there isn't always a film suitable for all 3 of them (too expensive to do that often anyway).

I recently read the book "The Idle Parent" and while I don't agree with all of it, I strongly agree with the author about letting kids be bored and not providing too much entertainment. Once dcs are old enough to not need help at the park, I recommend bringing a book for yourself! When my dcs saw me get my book out they knew that was their cue to bugger off and leave me alone....

fromheretomaternity · 31/08/2012 02:58

In my experience , only fun in any way shape or form is if you go with a friend with dc's the same age. They keep each other amused , you get to chat with a proper grown up !

BlackholesAndRevelations · 31/08/2012 19:33

Calm down booboobedoo! Sorry I thought you were the op- don't read the names much! I'm not telling you how to do your job! Just thought (and still think) that was an awful comment. I've said too that I couldn't be a SAHM and would get bored/go round the bend if that was my job.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 31/08/2012 19:34

... Sorry, to clarify, that means I'm not claiming to know it all/anything about being a SAHM except my experiences of maternity leave.

Mother2many · 01/09/2012 01:05

Planning any activities with 2 DC's (8 & 7) is always a chore. I took them the beach first time this year. From the time I said we were going, they faught. Almost caused me to cancel..... Once there, they had a blast. I didn't wear them out.

Do small things with them. Just a walk, bus, train ride...something small.... anything is better than nothing! :P

AnnieLobeseder · 01/09/2012 01:11

Days out with small children alternate between mind-numbing boredom at the innane things they enjoy to heart-stopping terror at the various ways they try to damage themselves/get lost.

They are NOT fun!

solidgoldbrass · 01/09/2012 01:18

Because my parents had dogs when I was small, I have always treated DS a bit like a dog, specifically in believing in a Walk Every Day. When he was tiny it was a choice between one of three local parks; as he grew and I got more familiar with the area the range expanded. We are car free so going to a park two bus rides away is a decent free adventure even now he is 7.

Jahan · 01/09/2012 13:25

I prefer to take my dcs out than stay at home because I'm a bit rubbish at spending time with them doing indoor activites. I'll do a few things like baking and reading but I generally just let them get on with it.
They are so good at entertaining themselves now and often ask for the play doh/colouring pencils and books or just play with the contents of the toy box.

I've never done a day trip with them on my own but I'll often take them out for a morning or afternoon. I keep it low key - local parks, farm, woods, shopping centre.

I do day trips with friends or dh.

epeesarepointythings · 01/09/2012 18:09

I think going out with DCs is much easier when they are older. I really started enjoying it when my DDs were about 4 and 6 - they had more stamina, enjoyed nature/hiking/picnics/bug hunts/stately homes and museums, and it was not hard work at all anymore.

YANBU for finding it tough with the ages yours are, 4 IMO is much harder than the so-called terrible twos.

BeeBee12 · 01/09/2012 18:22

I will take my dds anywhere but if the buggy tips up or they cry about something I dont let it ruin the whole day.I will take them anywhere on my own and just roll with it tbh

WaitingForMe · 01/09/2012 18:57

I enjoy the photos. I have lovely photos of my happy stepsons looking angelic.

Days out can be a lot of hard work but I take lots of pictures and perpetuate the myth that life is rosy

JeuxDEnfants · 01/09/2012 19:11

It can be hard work but we still make an effort... Agree the photos make it seem like it was all fun! It is fun for moments and it can be hellish for moments... Got to take the good with the bad :)

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