to be miffed that MIL did this?

[user12785]

at the weekend, but I'm still annoyed and want to share! Several weeks ago it was dd's birthday. We don't live near the grandparents, so MIL asked to have a family party last weekend for her. Nice idea, even if it did seem a bit too long after her birthday. Nice, too, that I didn't have to do anything, for a change. However... MIL did the cake, candles, happy birthday singing etc when I was in the loo! I came out and dh told me I'd missed it. I asked why, and she just said "Oh, weren't you here?" There were only 10 people, surely you'd notice? I just let it go because dd looked a bit upset. But I'm still cross. Hrrrrumph.

To be miffed at the time? Totally NU.

To still be miffed? YABU

Get over it and move on.

There's go to be more to it? Has she got form??

If it's a one off then YABU. Mistakes happen and it was your DD's day, which you'd already celebrated.

You must have been in the loo a long time.

If she's usually lovely, let it go.

I'd be fuming.

Did you not hear them? Didn't anyone else say anything?

Classic MIL behaviour. Get her back next birthday!

ST - you may be on to something! Maybe OP is really miffed as everyone now knows she was doing a jobby due to length of toilet stay

YANBU to be miffed, but perhaps it was an oversight? Do you think it may have been intentional?

Personally i'd check everyone was present before commencing candles. 'Specially if i wasn't the parent.

Ooh cracking passive aggressive move by the MIL, you must trump that by announcing your next pregnancy/move to Australia/divorce/ either when she next visits you and is in the loo or on Facebook first before telling her, whichever you think will piss her off more.

Yanbu, if there were only a few people there, I think it was deliberate on her part.

I'd be pissed off and no I wouldn't get over it in a hurry.

I'm still pissed off 9 years on that MIL insisted that my SIL WITH A HEAVY COLD! came to hospital to visit PFB ds and myself.

Queen of The Grudge Holders that's me .

YANBU at all.

But I have to grudgingly admire her style.

In my more ditzy moments, I wouldn't notice if someone was missing from a group of 10. 10 is quite a lot, especially if you're focused on doing the cake. And my parents (in their 60s) could have done this out of pure biddyish over-excitement. How old is she?

I don't see the problem, as you said it was weeks after your daughters birthday, am assuming you had one when it was actually the birthday. She thought you were there, was it your daughters first birthday? I seriously am struggling to see the issue.

I was going to say in my OP, but thought it might be tmi, that I'd only gone for a quick wee! Yes, I know IABU to still be miffed, I think it's because I didn't say anything at the time, therefore polite but no closure! I know she didn't do it on purpose, but you'd check everyone was there wouldn't you? Or maybe ask the mother if it was OK to do the cake now. My mum, ie the other gran, wasn't in the room either. Yes, MIL has form for this sort of thing. She once let dh into her house, carrying baby in car seat, and shut the front door, leaving me coming up driveway carrying all the bags, locked out. And the doorbell wasn't working. I was outside for quite a while before anyone realised...

Where is your DH when all this happens?! Surely he should have told your MIL to chill her beans and wait until you were back.

I'm sure she just didn't notice you'd slipped off. Probably was focused on your daughter and hadn't clocked you'd left the room. Unless you announced it? "Off for a wee, back in a mo" - I only say that cos I do it god knows why I feel the need to let the entire room know I am off to the loo.

Re you being left outside - couldn't they hear you banging on the door? Didn't you knock on a window? shout through the letterbox? I bloody would have

odd behaviour, we all make sure everyone is in the room when we do candles etc, it's not hard!

Yes Hecate, had to do a lot of banging! Otherwise I would probably have been out there all weekend. Still, at least I had the suitcase with me!

Bluesky, dh was there, but didn't say anything to her. Apparently I shouldn't have left the room?!

Your DH's response is unhelpful to say the least. Would he rather you'd pissed on the floor?

YABU. DH could have said to hang on. I don't see why MIL should take the rap. It sounds to me like you are being childish/selfish...and a little bit jelous?

Only being honest

YANBU.

This is SUCH cliched MIL behaviour. I'd be miffed if I were you, and in the absence of any support or validation from your DH I'm not surprised you're still miffed a week later.

You need to plot a revenge...

Thank you Badgerina!
Lonelylou, are you a MIL by any chance?!

I actually did this to my MIL on dd's 1st birthday

In my defence there were a lot more than 10 people there as we were using a function room in a pub! (well, it's more about the adults at that age isn't it )

"god knows why I feel the need to let the entire room know I am off to the loo."

So that you don´t get left out of the singing/candles for your child´s bday?

If MIL hadn´t noticed, fair enough.

Husband sounds bloody useless though!