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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I message this boys parents and wibu in calling the police

66 replies

missymoomoomee · 29/08/2012 15:36

To cut a very long story short a 13yo accused my 10yo of taking his phone yesterday (which I know he didn't do). 13yo showed up at my door, hammering on it, swearing and shouting and spitting, and when I closed the door he continued hammering on it, I called the police put them on the phone to him and he went away (giving me the finger on the way off).

After lunch, thinking it was over, my ds went to the park (about 1 minute from my house) came back having been surrounded by 13yo and his mates and punched. I call the police again and they make an appointment to take a statement. I go to the park with my younger children to keep an eye on the situation (I didn't want my son to have to stay in, if it wasn't nipped in the bud quickly he wouldn't go out again) the park is in 2 sections the skate park bit and the playpark bit so I wasn't going with ds, as such, just near enough so he was ok without me getting involved, cue 13yo coming up to me (I mean inches from my face saying he is going to punch me), making threats, being insulting and saying vile things, threatening me with his dad coming to beat me up etc.

Eventually when he wasn't getting a reaction he stopped (about 20 minutes later), I stayed for a few hours then went home, 2 minutes later my ds comes in, the lad had went straight over and punched him the minute I left.

The police took a statement, asked if I wanted the lad taken in and charged or given a talking to, I opted for the second one for now (in the hope it frightens him into stopping) I have to call the police when the lad shows up at the park again and they will come straight down. (I don't know this boys address only his name).

I went onto fb and have found his Dad, and I am wondering if I should message him as the police probably won't contact his parents, just to let him know the situation and that I have contacted the police or should I leave it as it is?

WIBU to have called the police, I do get lads have scuffles every now and then but for my 10yo to be surrounded by about 8 or 9 teenagers and hit by one was beyond that to me. My DH is in a proper mood and says I over-reacted, but in the same breath said it would be the right thing to do if it was one of our girls.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 29/08/2012 15:39

YANBU. What does your DH think you should have done?

He damaged your property
He threatened you
He instigated gang violence against your DS.

You absolutely did the right thing.

WilsonFrickett · 29/08/2012 15:39

Do you know the parents? What would you hope to achieve by messaging them?

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 29/08/2012 15:40

Do not go on FB and speak to parents.

Ithinkitsjustme · 29/08/2012 15:41

I really wouldn't message the parents on fb, but keep on informing teh police of any developments. They will go round to his house and speak to the parents. Frankly you need to stay as far away from them as possible. Good luck

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 29/08/2012 15:41

YANBU and personally I'd have had him charged. I don't think I'd raise it with his Dad unless you know he's a decent sort of chap - last thing you want is an adult version of the son hammering on your door.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 29/08/2012 15:41

You definitely did the right thing IMO. I wouldn't message the dad though.

lizbee156 · 29/08/2012 15:42

You did the right thing by calling the police, if anything else happens make sure you ring them again.
But I would strongly advise against fb contact or any contact with the Dad unless you know him?
If not, you don't know who he is or what he is like and you could cause more trouble for yourself.
I think that a parent will have to be present when the police speak to the boy so his Dad will find out soon enough anyway.

HecateHarshPants · 29/08/2012 15:42

I think you should have him charged.

He has repeatedly assaulted your child. He's likely to do it again. He has threatened you. He has come to your property.

I wouldn't be asking the police to have a word with him. I'd be wanting them to arrest him.

Flojo1979 · 29/08/2012 15:42

Yanbu, your son needs to see this behaviour is wrong and is dealt with.
I perhaps might msg the dad and ask him to call then explain, not explain in a fb msg. He might not check his msgs regularly and if the police talk to his son and it gets dealt with then he reads it months later he won't be amused.
His ds sounds vile and I wonder what kind of parent he'll be anyway.13 yrs old, getting in your face, sounds shocking where I come from.

GeekCool · 29/08/2012 15:43

I agree with Hecate

Also you've been threatened, your son assaulted and yet your DH is in a sulk with you?

OTheMarriedManatee · 29/08/2012 15:43

On no account send the man a Facebook message.

Tigerstripes · 29/08/2012 15:43

I wouldn't contact the dad when you don't know what the family's like. You could be letting yourself in for more trouble.
Of course you did the right thing phoning the police. This boy was violent and threatening, not just to your ds but to YOU as well. I'm very surprised at the attitude of your DH.

AgentProvocateur · 29/08/2012 15:43

No, don't contact the parents or the whole thing will escalate. Leave it for the police to deal with. Why does the 13 year old think your DS took his phone? Are you 100% sure that he didn't?

cansu · 29/08/2012 15:44

Stay clear of parents I think there's every chance the parents are similar to the son. Keep reporting to police and let them handle it.

NovackNGood · 29/08/2012 15:44

You will inflame what appears to be a voliatile situation. Leave to the police, as the 13 year old should have if he suspects your boy to be a thief. Surely ow he is acting should show you the pointlessness of taking your own action.

What is is with people and facebook that they stalk for anyone and everyone. Seems the perfect reason to not be on it if you ask me.

SleepyFergus · 29/08/2012 15:44

I would have had him charged - little thug. Don't do FB - childish.

Why did you leave your son in the park though? It was obvious they would be back over punching him once you'd gone!

Hope your son is okay though.

Flojo1979 · 29/08/2012 15:45

I agree, u should have had him charged.He's clearly not scared of adults having a word so I expect the police will just make him feel 'harder' and get worse.

Melindaaa · 29/08/2012 15:47

No way in hell would I be leaving my 10 year old unsupervised where he could come into contact with this boy. Why are you repeatedly leaving him at the mercy of a boy much bigger than him?

And no, I wouldn't contact the parents, unless I had some inkling hat they are reasonable human beings. Usually parents of violent children aren't very nice themselves.

MammyToMany · 29/08/2012 15:55

I have a 10 year old and if it was my son in this situation I would have the teenager charged.

Original poster

missymoomoomee · 29/08/2012 15:59

I was going to just leave my number and a brief message for him to call me, but judging by the son the whole family may well be the same so I think I will leave the message. Having stalked the page a bit though I can see both his parents outwardly seem to be pretty respectable but the language that lad came out with was vile to say the least.

He thinks my son took his phone because I told him to be home at 12.30 for his dinner and he left the park at 12.30, the lad had left his phone on a bench in a park full of kids but because ds was the only one to have left he thinks it was him. My ds (aside from me knowing he would never take anyones phone) only had one small pocket which had his own phone in it I know for sure he didn't take it.

I left him because he asked me to, nothing had been said for about 3 hours and the park is beside my house, he has a mobile, he checks in every 20 minutes and I go and check on him as well as calling him. He is starting secondry school next year so this is the start of me giving him a bit of freedom in preperation for that.

OP posts:

Melindaaa · 29/08/2012 16:04

Giving freedom is lovely and necessary, but not wheat seems pretty bloody obvious that the moment you are out of sight he is going to get hit!

Was it not obvious to you that this would happen?

And I agree with perusing it further with the police. Your poor son.

bonkersLFDT20 · 29/08/2012 16:04

Someone threatened you for 20 minutes and you left your 10 year old son in the same place without you? Why on earth did you do that?

NovackNGood · 29/08/2012 16:05

10 year old with mobiie phone in a park right next to home. Well I never.

thornrose · 29/08/2012 16:08

I would not give out my phone mumber to the dad on Facebook. I think that could bring all kinds of trouble.

NarkedRaspberry · 29/08/2012 16:12

Leave it to the police. And tell them you've found his father's Facebook page. They may be able to get the boy's address and that would avoid you having to call the police when you see him which carries the risk of a confrontation.

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