Should I message this boys parents and wibu in calling the police

[missymoomoomee]

To cut a very long story short a 13yo accused my 10yo of taking his phone yesterday (which I know he didn't do). 13yo showed up at my door, hammering on it, swearing and shouting and spitting, and when I closed the door he continued hammering on it, I called the police put them on the phone to him and he went away (giving me the finger on the way off).

After lunch, thinking it was over, my ds went to the park (about 1 minute from my house) came back having been surrounded by 13yo and his mates and punched. I call the police again and they make an appointment to take a statement. I go to the park with my younger children to keep an eye on the situation (I didn't want my son to have to stay in, if it wasn't nipped in the bud quickly he wouldn't go out again) the park is in 2 sections the skate park bit and the playpark bit so I wasn't going with ds, as such, just near enough so he was ok without me getting involved, cue 13yo coming up to me (I mean inches from my face saying he is going to punch me), making threats, being insulting and saying vile things, threatening me with his dad coming to beat me up etc.

Eventually when he wasn't getting a reaction he stopped (about 20 minutes later), I stayed for a few hours then went home, 2 minutes later my ds comes in, the lad had went straight over and punched him the minute I left.

The police took a statement, asked if I wanted the lad taken in and charged or given a talking to, I opted for the second one for now (in the hope it frightens him into stopping) I have to call the police when the lad shows up at the park again and they will come straight down. (I don't know this boys address only his name).

I went onto fb and have found his Dad, and I am wondering if I should message him as the police probably won't contact his parents, just to let him know the situation and that I have contacted the police or should I leave it as it is?

WIBU to have called the police, I do get lads have scuffles every now and then but for my 10yo to be surrounded by about 8 or 9 teenagers and hit by one was beyond that to me. My DH is in a proper mood and says I over-reacted, but in the same breath said it would be the right thing to do if it was one of our girls.

Sorry OP, I think you and DH are being a bit daft too. Why are you standing in the park? You need to know that your son won't be hit whether or not you are there.

You've told him off - it didn't fuss the 13yo
The police phone call - didn't fuss the 13yo

Now you need something that will fuss him. Your son was assaulted. You and your DH should be more serious than you are being. FAcebook is a bit teenage for this. The police are what you need.

You still haven't said why the boy is saying your son took his phone.
I won't offend you by asking if he actually did, but did someone else take it? Did he borrow and return it?
There may be an opportunity to defuse the situation entirely.

She did say why, they were all in the park, her DS left before everyone else as he had a curfew and the phone was missing. As there were lots of kids there it could have been anyone, but as OPs DS left first he thinks its him. Read the thread.

Tell the police you found the boys parents on facebook, so know who they are. Have the boy charged.

Sundae I have contacted the police, a few times, and they have been round, and they have told me that if I see him between now and school going back then I have to call giving them the incident number and they will come and talk to the boy right away, if I don't, they know what school he is at and they will contact the school to get the boys details.

DH hasn't taken it very seriously, I certainly did.

Sally I honestly don't know why he is saying it. All I know is that he left it in the park on a bench for over an hour while he was off skateboarding, I have asked the boy for his number, his answer was it was on silent so theres no point, I offered to come help the boy look for his phone, he said if I found it it would only be because I planted it to make ds look innocent, I asked why he thinks DS took it and he said because DS suddenly left the park (which he did because it was lunch time and he was due home) then within about 5 or 10 minutes 13yo noticed his phone missing although he admits he hadn't been near it for over an hour, searched everyone there and concluded it must be DS.

Yanbu to contact the police, especially as this boy is not responding to other adults .

I am pleased you are not going to message the father , at best you would have simply looked juvenile , at worst you would have made things worse ,

With all due respect you cannot know that your son did not take the phone . Our children constantly surprise us and not always for the best

I'm glad you've decided against contacting the boys father.

You did the right thing by ringing the police though. I would have him charged if I were in your shoes, his behaviour sounds pretty awful.

Honestly captain I know 100% he didn't take it. He has his own phone, he had nowhere to put it, no reason to take it, didn't bat an eyelid when the police asked if he knew anything about the phone, there isn't a doubt in my (or the police officers) mind.

Thank you all for the advice. It would have been stupid to get in touch and after hearing that a most people would actually get the boy charged I have contacted them and am going to ask them to press charges against him and not just tell him off, even after DH telling me I was over-reacting, I can now see I probably haven't reacted enough.

Even if it turns out that the 10yo did seal the phone from the 13yo, that is no excuse for the behaviour of the 13yo - assault(s), threatening behaviour towards both children and adults. This is not normal behaviour, particularly when directed towards adults.

Don't message the father, do tell the police that you now know who the name of the parents and give them that info. Ask the police what THEY would do if it was their child.

In a similar situation I was advised to "do what I thought was best for my son", but clearly the officer was pointing me in the direction of charging the other child, an older teen - I subsequently discovered the lad (and a couple of his right hand men), had battered a number of other kids, set fires and caused criminal damage over a couple of years but the school didn't want police involved (for the incidents that happened there), and the other people, outside of school in their home village would not press charges (small village, everyone knew, parents of one boy was well respected, pillar of church and community).

5 years later - one of the 3 lads has turned out well, steady job, matured. The other 2 are in and out of trouble with the police, have dropped out of education/training and one is a father at 18. I feel for that poor baby.

I often wonder if these two lads would have turned out differently if someone (the school, the police, their parents), had come down on them like a ton of bricks the first time they assaulted someone, or set a fire, rather than it getting played down and excused for various reasons.

What about getting the number of the 13 year olds phone and giving it a call a few times and just check you don't hear it in your own house or on a walk from the park. Unless it is a super smart phone the basic ones can be on standby for ages and the last thing you want is it turning up in your house.

Novack I asked the lad for his number while he was at my door so I could call and prove it wasn't in my house and he refused to give it to me then said his phone was on silent so theres no point, I said I would pull all the blinds down and call it then I would see if there was a light coming from anywhere and he still refused. DS came straight into the kitchen and sat down with me, he had no chance to put the phone anywhere before 13yo came to the door. The first thing I did was tell the police about the phone and the police officer, after asking ds, is also sure he didn't touch it.

SCOTCH I am going to get him charged, I just hope he hasn't learned his attitude from his parents or I dread to think what will happen to him, ds has to be my main concern though.

Thanks for the other information missy. I suspect there is something more to this.
It's a bit odd for the kid to leave the phone on a park bench for over an hour. And why was it on silent when the boy was out and about?
I wonder if he has lost the phone and is making an excuse to justify this to his parents? Or did he otherwise dispose of it in the hope of getting a new one?

I was thinking along the same lines, Sallyingforth. Why would he leave his phone out to get nicked ? His story stinks. And his reaction to missymoomoomee's suggestion to call his phone suggests to me he knew it wasn't in their house.

I think you are very brave and absolutely did the right thing (although I would have been tempted to have had the little bugger charged!). DO NOT FB THE FATHER! My (adult) nephew had a similarish experience and phoned the kids father who was spookily as aggressive as his son and then the whole family started bullying my nephew on fb and on his mobile. Your idiots attitude could well have come from his upbringing. I hope you have nipped this problem in the bud and well done!!!

don't contact the dad go through the police and you done the right thing. why would your Dh think its ok for your 10 year old to feel threatened going the park and punched?! I would have pressed charges to be honest. good luck.

i thought the police do contact the parents if under a certain age?