To think I have been the worst mother this school holiday!

[handwasher]

I just have to vent. I feel terrible and like I am an awful mother as I have found these school holidays such hard work and feel like I am on the edge of a nervous breakdown! I truely just want to put my head in my hands and cry.

DS is 4 and a half (starts school in Sept) DD is 2. They are both lovely but naughty and bloody hard work spririted. Although we have had days out I find it really hard to take them anywhere on my own as they are both bolters and I can't really trust them to stay with me. If we attempt to go out for a meal it is hell on earth as DD just crys, whines and runs around everywhere. I tried to take them to the cinema and again DD ran around screaming and kept wanting to leave whereas all the other kids her age sat still (although to be fair she is still quite young). This means that when it is just me during the week we have been limited in where we can go - no exciting theme parks or farms etc as I just can't do it on my own.

Even a simple trip to the shops becomes a nightmare of logistics and getting ready, and crying and screaming when we go round the store.

We have done crafts and baking and been to friends houses but this doesn't fill up the 13 hours that I have to fill each day so we have probably watched far too much TV but I just can't be entertaining all day surely? How do people fill the days?

I try to get them to play on their own, or just sit reading a book but they won't. They have a garden and plenty of toys but they just want to follow me around all day. I can't even seem to get any basic admin done as DD starts pressing the computer and pulling my legs etc. DD and DS seem to argue loads and whine and winge. DS wants to chat all the time and ask questions about diggers and trains which is tiring too.

They are watching a film at the moment and I feel like a faliure as I have not been the best mother this holiday and can't wait for school and pre-school to start. I'm a SAHM and have been with them all day every day all holiday. My DH is good when at home but he works away frequently and is not back till late on the nights he is back.

I just want to scream "leave me alone" at them! But obviously I don't. Everyoen else on facebook looks so happy. Like they are having a wonderful time with their well behaved kids. I see pics of their days out and wonder why I can't take mine out like that. I feel like my kids will just remember a grumpy mummy and will hate me for never taking them anywhere!

Even just reading this back I feel like a terrible mother for complaining.

You are falling for this modern myth that children MUST be mentally stimulated and "entertained" at every waking moment. It is not necessary. A few hours watching films will not harm them.

Siblings do bicker and fall out, that is normal, let them get on with it.. just tell them to do it quietly!

2 and 4 is a tough, tough age. it'll get better, i guarantee it. but for now, esp with bolters, you just have to grit your teeth and try your best not to lock them in the cupboard under the stairs.

When you go out, put the 2yo in a buggy, 4yo on a wrist strap..

(tie both to a lamp post when you go in a shop )

YABU!
Forget theme parks and stuff like that.
Go to the park, go for walks, go to a playcentre. Child proof the house, make a brew and leave them to get on with it!

Completely agree with squeakytoy - I get the impression that school holidays are mainly about survival for most parents. For future holidays, have you tied setting them little challenges/competitions (more for the older one I guess) where they have to complete a task all by themselves before showing it to you.

PS: you're not a terrible mother and you won't be the only person feeling like this. Give yourself a break. :)

My DS is 3 and you have described life with toddlers beautifully - yours are not a seperate breed - all those other toddlers you've seen in parks, restaurants,
Facebook, cinemas behaving beautifully have also had their overtired, "lets see what mum does if I do this...", screaming abdabs days. You just weren't there to witness them.

I know that you want to get them both walking, but could you have a buggy with a buggy board and stick one in the buggy and the other on the back to get you to places? Stop just before you get there, get down to their level and explain, to each in turn, that if they run away and don't come back, you will all have to leave, then follow through. It's hideously hard work, and so embarassing, but can work in time.

Leave the admin until DD is asleep - DS will come over and bash the keyboard on our laptop shouting "wheels on the bus" and you get nothing done. It's not so much pick your battles as pick your task. Some things you just cannot do with small children around unless they're being fully occupied by someone else.

you're doing well - if painting fences with water counts as a toddler activity, then why do you feel they are losing out by not going out into the world? Their expecations are lower than yours, and tomorrow is always another day.

Lamppost and cupboard under the stairs are starting to sound like good ideas - but knowing my two they would find a way to break free

Seriously though thanks for saying it will get better. I am finding 2 &4 the hardest stage yet I have to say

If it makes you feel any better I feel the same way. DS is 6 and talks constantly. I stopped answering him about three weeks ago but he doesn't appear to have noticed. DD is 18 months and thinks a day spent hanging off my leg is a day well spent. I'll be so happy when DS goes back to school. We are surviving today by eating cheese sandwiches and watching spongebob. Basically I've admitted defeat.

You should add me as a friend on Facebook. My status this morning said something along the lines of utter ogasmic excitement at the thought of only a week of this hell left.

Big massive hugs! 4 & 2 is a difficult age IMO. I found mine a real handful at that age. It's only been this summer that at 3& 5 I've really enjoyed mine as they have been good to take out and can find many a game to amuse themselves at home with.

Personally I wouldn't bother with the cinema- they need to burn off energy and not sit in darkness I'd say. What are the soft play facilities near where you live like? I found them a godsend at that age!! Also enclosed parks with a playground and even the forest worked for us as they could run and run and hunt for sticks etc. Seperately mine were fine but together I really struggled with them up til this year. If I made sure I got out each morning I could then generally hope for an afternoon at home that wasn't too stressful.

Get them out in garden with a wet paintbrush each and get them to 'decorate' with water?

It gets better so hang on in there

I bet your bottom dollar you are not the only mum who has felt this way in the summer holidays, me included!

Get some decent reins for your 4yo and a small buggy for your 2yo and things will be much easier!, my 4yo wears reins as she is also a bolter and my 2yo goes in a buggy or it would take yrs to get anywhere.

As for tv, let them watch as much as you want them to-their eyes won't melt

my kids are older, but i feel the same way.

am currently hoping for the world to open up and let me fall into it.

i am almost at the end of my tether.

sobs

Really sounds like you don't like them.
And that's the nicest thing I have to say.

Mine are the same age...they're driving me utterly mental I entirely sympathise.

One day at a time.

Or one hour at a time,it's all I can manage ATM....
I've taken to wearing the 2yr old in a sling on my back when he's cranky and I have to get on with things,DD either draws,watches films (or bebbies) pokes at playdoh,or current favorite,plays 'dressing up' in her new school uniform.

When we go out 2 yr old goes in buggy and 4yo scooters as they are bolters.

Just keep muttering this too shall pass

if feel just the same dc1 starts school next week and i so badly wanted him to enjoy these last whole days with me instead i feel like ive been moaning all the time.

but im hoping it wont scar him and basically given up and let him do what he wants x

sympathy hug to you

Really Dranksinatra, was that comment nessesary?

Don't look at Facebook! The photos you see could well be from the one day in the whole holidays that has been an exciting day out. No mother will post a photo of herself, wild-haired & still in a dressing gown, surrounded by screaming children who are trashing the place...

You sound like you've done a great job with them, we certainly haven't done any proper crafts or baking over the holidays. As your children get older, you will look on Facebook and see status updates at the end of the school holidays that say: "SO sad that the kids are going back to school. We've had a fab summer and I will miss my little man/princesses/delete accordingly SO much". I don't believe a word of this either & refuse to feel guilty about the fact that I am counting down until the schools go back. Repeat after me: "It's week 6, we've made it to week 6"

Ahhh you are not a terrible mother at all! 4yo and 2yo that must be really hard-going! My DS 3.5yo is lovely but doesn't stop talking, fortunately my DD is only 5mo so hasn't started yet! I've found it really hard-going this summer, the weather hasn't helped. We have cbeebies on A LOT! You're right, you can't entertain them all day. Please don't think you're a bad mum. You say "I just want to scream "leave me alone" at them! But obviously I don't." Well I have said this to DS when he has shadowed me constantly. You also say "I truely just want to put my head in my hands and cry." Well, again I have done this and it was certainly effective in stopping DS's misbehaviour at the time. He spent the next hour playing quietly in the other room and just coming in to check I was okay a couple of times.

I think you sound as if you are doing the best you can in difficult circumstances. Don't be hard on yourself, keep going, only 1 more week til school starts.

No, you are definitely not BU. I could have written this when my kids were your age. I was desperate for DS1 to start school. He is a bolter - and I'm afraid still is aged 7, I absolutely dread "exciting" day trips on my own.

I completely agree about the wrist strap. Also, if you are going for a walk to anywhere then let your DC1 run ahead to a certain spot. If he goes past that point - or indeed doesn't walk quickly enough, on with the wrist strap.

Have you got full body waterproofs? I find these great on days where I haven't organised an activity but they need to get out. Wet walk in the morning = movie afternoon.

Now mine are 5 and 7 they are much easier to entertain but I still fucking hate the holidays because I'm not good at organising activities. What I do, though, in the weeks before the hols, is put s big piece of paper on the wall and write on it ideas that I have - or the kids have. This year we have hama beads and BMXing on URL, for example.

Nearly there, though. You are not alone in feeling a little bit shit at ths time of year xxxxx

Yes "this too will pass" has become my motto

dranksinatra - of course I like my children I love them! But I don't really like being on my own with them constantly 24/7 for 6 whole weeks as a one woman entertainment station. Maybe you can come round and show me how it should be done

I remember the "2 and 4" holiday.

Not easy! I used to try to wear mine out - a walk in the morning, another one in the afternoon. Go to the park. Go to the playground. I found we couldn't stay in all day or they'd start climbing the walls.

I had a buggy board for the four year old, two year old in the buggy. Although to be fair they usually swapped places!

Found the trampoline was very useful that summer. Put one in at a time and get them to bounce to the point of exhaustion.

This year they're 5 and 7. Today they have been playing computer games for most of the morning, as it's raining. I have ceased worrying about this. We'll go out for a wet walk this afternoon, with the promise of a few blackberries.

I know exactly how you feel. I usually love the holidays but I have found this one hard. Mine are 8, 4.5 (and starting school next week) and 4 months.

We just moved into our new house and all sorts of things need doing, I have a newborn, needed to get new stuff for the beginning of term, we are going on our hols in a month, christening to organise and Xmas to start thinking about.

We have been out a few times and my 2 older dc's have been out with gp's but I also am restricted as ds1 (4.5) has developmental delay and is more like a 3 year old and also runs off. I used to be able to run after him as dd could look after herself but obviously I can't leave my baby as I do a sprint down the street. We have been watching way too much tv and after a day of trying to get chores done I feel like all I have said all day is, wait a minute, later darling or I don't have time.

I feel like a terrible mother but I am just putting it down to everything happening at once, get them back to school, get organised and hopefully next holidays will be better.

Those are hard ages to have together so don't feel too bad.

My DC have been back at school 2 weeks now. Although older than yours, 9, almost 5 and 1. I have found these summer holidays absolutely horrendous.

I thought last year was tough when I had a newborn and couldn't get off the sofa for feeding her. But this year was just awful. I think the weather played a huge part in that, they couldn't get outside to run around.

I felt like my house was never clean for 7 weeks. The first thing I did whe nschool went back was tidy and clean. And then sit down and relax. I lived for my days at work this summer. I feel bad for saying that as I want to enjoy my children but this year it was tough.

Its a stage, that feels endless while you are in it. EVERYONE feels like this.

Why is my kid the only one not sitting down at the cinema?
Why is my kid the only one screaming and lying down in the supermarket, kicking me whenever I go near her.
Why is my kid the only one screaming like a banshee at any other child that so much as smiles at her in the local park?
Am I the only mother who has to on line shop for EVERYTHING for five months solid because my children turn into monsters the second we enter Tesco?
Look at all these other kids walking nicely and quietly round the shopping centre with their parents, why won't mine?

Where have I gone wrong?

Honestly they ALL do it, just not at the same time.

Drinksinatra - but youre a great friend to have in real life!!!!